


One Moment at a Time

by Male5574



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, F/M, Gay, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Liam Payne & Louis Tomlinson Friendship, Love, M/M, Mpreg, Mpreg Harry, Niall Horan & Harry Styles Friendship, Prostitution, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-07-24 13:16:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 55,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7509853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Male5574/pseuds/Male5574
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is a young man who is hardly living. All hope and courage is slowly leaving him day by day as he walks out into the street every night to make money from his usual spot. One night he meets Louis who brings warmth and joy back into his life without none of them realising it, but it doesn't end here. Unfortunately it's not that simple for a businessman and a young prostitute, but doesn't love overcome all obstacles?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Facing life

**Author's Note:**

> The story is written quite naturalistic - the titel "One Moment at a Time" is to be taken seriously - and it takes a while for it to get started for good, but I hope you'll all enjoy it and wait for all the drama. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Harry woke up with sunlight covering half of his face causing his right eyelid to seem awfully yellow on the inside when he closed his eyes. It was something he'd often been entertained by as a child. He used to enjoy closing his eyes and explore this phenomenon of light. It wasn't like that anymore. He didn't enjoy the sunlight which was already giving him a sharp headache. It didn't matter whether he closed his eyes or not anymore. Nothing mattered. 

Harry laid completely still on the stinking mattress on the dirty floor aware of what would meet him when he opened his eyes. He was hardly breathing. He wished he could stop breathing and be gone, but it wasn’t that simple. He’d have to get up, and he’d have to be confronted with his life and his shitty decisions. 

He opened his eyes quickly. His right eye was immediately blinded by the sunlight, and he shut both his eyes even faster than he’d opened them. He stopped breathing for a few seconds, and slowly opened his eyes again. This time he kept them open. He was laying on his left side facing the wall. 

The wall was nasty. It was greyish with stains of yellow nicotine running down the paint. The smell in the room hit him hard when he noticed it. He hated living here, in this house, but he had no choice but to stay. Of course, he had no choice. 

Harry wasn’t wanted anywhere else. He was hardly even wanted here, but at least he made himself useful here. Fucking Cinderella is what the others called him. A little housewife who’d do the dishes, the laundry and the cleaning only because he was the only one who still had any sort of hope left. Hopes for a brighter future and a better life. Besides, he couldn’t stand their mess. They were disgusting. Disgusting people with disgusting minds. All of them besides Niall. 

Harry noticed the right side of his body being completely numb, and had no choice but to get up from the mattress. He couldn’t even think of it as getting out of bed. He’d lived like this since he was quite young. Too young to live like this, and he was still too young.  
The others were older than him and more experienced. They were the good ones. Harry got his customers by his appearance. The older men wanted a young lad with a tight, little ass who looked charming with wide smiles - which he usually managed to pull off a few times to each customer. 

Harry wouldn’t have to look at himself. He knew exactly what he looked like. How the bags under his eyes were big, how his lips were swollen and dry, and how he had hickeys and bruises on his neck and collarbone. Some customers would pay good money to choke him, so he let them. 

He hadn’t had a night off in 7 weeks and tonight was no exception. Johnny would want him to be working on an important Saturday night like this one. The city’s carnival started yesterday, and the streets would be full of horny men looking to have a good time. In fact, Johnny made it quite clear that he wanted all of them out in the streets this weekend, and Johnny’s words were to be taken seriously. Always. One wouldn’t want to end up like Tilda. Poor Tilda… 

Harry sat up on the mattress and faced the room. He was sitting across the doorframe with no door. The hall on the other side of the doorframe was a mess. The house was completely silent, so he assumed everybody else was either out or sleeping. It was important to be ready for the big night, but Harry wasn’t ready. 

He bent forward into a solid position to get up on his feed. He knew he’d have to be careful when standing up. Knew from experience. Slowly he put weight onto his feet and managed to get up in an oh-so-slow movement. He stood still for a minute. Not breathing. Trying to balance. He realised his entire body was numb. A curl had found its way down in front his face. 

As Harry stood there he decided to go clean himself up. He could still smell the sweat of strangers on his skin. His pale, soft skin. He usually got many compliments on his skin. 

While heading to the only bathroom in the large house he imagined hands coming out of the nicotine yellow walls to touch him.  
He was thankful that the bathroom had a door. He wasn’t like the others. He still appreciated privacy and his intimate sphere. The others laughed at him, but he didn’t care anymore. At least he told himself that he didn’t. 

As he entered the bathroom, he was immediately greeted by the stink of shit, rottenness and some undefinable smell which was sharp and suffocating. He didn’t know why he ever bothered to clean this place. 

The bathroom floor was covered by clothes, bags, and shoes. A small path, made by feet kicking things aside, revealed the cold floor and its black tiles. At the end of the path, on the wall, hang the mirror. Harry’s worst fear. It was the only mirror in the house, and the only honest thing in his life. Harry stood in front of it and tried to find courage to look at himself, and so he did. There he was. A worn-out young man. He wondered how it’d gotten to this.


	2. A peaceful town

Harry Styles was born and raised in a peaceful town. Nothing big, nothing special, but a safe environment. It was one of those towns everybody would like to grow up in. The town had everything an average family needed. A few grocery stores, clothing stores, doctors, dentists, schools and kinder gardens. It even had a park. There were many leisure activities for children to attend, and his parents had made sure that he made use of them. 

Harry had attended guitar lessons, swimming teams and football teams. He’d also tried playing tennis, but gave up quickly when it became clear to everyone that he was rather unfortunate with a tennis racket in his hands. He’d like the activities, though. The activities had given him many nice memories and good friends. Friends he didn’t know anymore. 

Harry had known most people in town, and they had seemed to like him. People had always found it easy to like Harry for some reason. When he was younger the older women liked to touch his curly hair, and buy him candy when he was grocery shopping with his mom. When he got older they always referred to him as “such a dear boy”. His mom used to say that it was his open mind and positive spirit which made him so likable. Harry wasn’t sure he was still likable. 

He’d had a good relationship with his older sister, Gemma, who he didn’t know anymore. He didn’t know anyone in his family anymore. Sometimes it made him feel disheartened that he was without a family. He would like to find Gemma to see how she was doing. When he was younger he’d seen a therapist, who had told him that things sometimes change within a family when tragedies happen. Tragedies like the one that happened in his family. 

Overall Harry thought of his childhood as a good one. Mostly he had nice memories from that time of his life, and he was quite sure he’d forgotten everything bad, which meant that it wasn’t important. That was what he told himself. 

He tried hard not to remember the only bad thing which had happened, but sometimes it just sneaked up on him. It slowly grabbed the back of his mind and violently made its way from his subconscious to his consciousness. Sometimes he had nightmares. Sometimes he’d be reminded when watching the news, and sometimes it’d just strike him like a bolt out of the blue. 

One day Harry came home from school like he always would. It was summer, and he was wearing blue shorts and a white T-shirt with a bee printed on it. His favourite outfit as a child. He was counting the beauty spots on his arm and singing a song he’d just learned at school when he entered the house. He wanted to sing the song for his mom. He knew she’d be home because she’d been sick for a while, and wasn’t able to go to work. He hadn’t noticed his dad’s car in the driveway. Harry didn’t understand much at that age. Probably less than he was supposed to. 

While singing the new song, he sat down his schoolbag on the floor in the hall. He noticed loud voices coming from the living room. The voices belong to his mom and dad. Maybe the song wasn’t such a good idea after all. He could sing it later. Maybe after dinner. 

He held his breath and started walking towards the voices. The living room door was shut. At this point it was quite clear, even to Harry, that they were arguing. Even fighting. He didn’t think that his parents usually argued much. It made him uncomfortable when they did. 

As he hesitantly opened the door to the living room, he was still holding his breath. At the other side of the door his dad’s back appeared. He stood close to the door and seemed gigantic to Harry with his broad shoulders and long legs. His mom was standing in front of his dad, but far away from him with a strange expression on her red face. She looked at Harry with wide eyes. They were painted with fear. Harry understood that many years later. 

Suddenly she yelled at him. She told Harry to get out of there and get away. He didn’t understand. He stood there and watched as his dad turn around when he noticed his son’s presence. He had a strange look on his face as well. 

His mom yelled again. This time it wasn’t addressed to Harry, but to her husband. She said something about leaving her son alone. Harry didn’t understand. He didn’t understand what happened when his dad looked him in the eyes, and raised his arm like he was pointing at Harry’s mom. How his dad pointed a gun at his mom, and how he pulled the trigger. How he killed his mom while looking him in the eyes. He also didn’t understand how he then pointed the gun towards his own head and pulled the trigger again. 

Harry still didn’t understand. 

Now it seemed like he’d gotten orphaned so easily and so fast. Harry hadn’t seemed to react to it as a child. The therapist said he was shocked, but as he got older he started blaming himself for what happened. He’d been a stupid child. Along with the self-reproach came self-hatred. He missed his mom and though he hated his dad so sincerely, he couldn’t help missing him as well.

He was sure Gemma felt the same way. He was sure that she thought it was his fault. He felt like he’d disappointed everyone and especially his sister who was also an orphan after the episode. 

After the so-called family tragedy Harry and Gemma were sent to live with other families. Foster parents. When Harry was 18 he moved out. He didn’t have enough money or the courage to find a decent place to live. He took a few shitty jobs here and there, and live with whoever wanted to have him crashing on their couch. 

He met Johnny when he was working at sleazy pub. Johnny had blown his mind with his large smile and white teeth. He had a certain authority about him, and Harry had thought that he was to attracted to the man for the same reason. Otherwise the attraction didn’t make sense. Johnny wasn’t an attractive man, but when he made promising plans for Harry’s future, he didn’t hold his breath.


	3. Work

“Baby!” Johnny stood behind him, and grabbed his ass firmly. “Such a tease, aren’t you? Looking all set for tonight.” Harry hadn’t noticed him coming, but he was always ready for it, even when he thought that he wasn’t. He made a short sound from his throat replying to Johnny’s statement. 

“I’ll fuck you myself before letting you out there. Think of it as a warm up.” Johnny’s laugh was deep. He laid a wet kiss on Harry’s shoulder. “I’m a nice guy like that, babe.” He added. Harry wished he wouldn’t talk to him like that. That he wouldn’t touch him, and that he wouldn’t own him, but he did all those things. He might as well put up with it. He didn’t want to end up like Tilda. 

Harry was trying to get some cum stains off his jeans, but he knew that it was impossible. He was disgusted by himself, and he was desperately rubbing the cloth against the fabric. “Easy there, babe. You know it ain’t coming off.” Johnny had now wrapped his arms around Harry’s waist and was busy rubbing himself against his ass. 

“Mmm… Let’s make it a quick one, shall we?” Harry knew exactly what that meant. He opened his jeans, pulled them down and thanked himself for not wearing any underwear he’d have to deal with. While he walked towards the wall, with his jeans around his knees, Johnny found a condom lying somewhere on the floor. Harry placed the palms of his hands on the cold wall, and bent his knees a bit before closing his eyes. Johnny wouldn’t bother to make it comfortable for him. It was a quick one after all. 

When he felt Johnny enter him a sharp pain shot through his body. He wasn’t sure whether it was caused by working every night for 7 weeks or Johnny’s roughness. 

Harry kept his eyes closed and thought about how he might get a nice customer tonight. It was a rare, but there was hope. All sorts of guys went looking for company on occasions like the carnival. He hoped for a young one. A handsome, young man with a friendly smile and bright eyes. One with soft hands and a nice breath. One that’d treat Harry like a human being. Maybe even one that wouldn’t take him from behind. 

Harry’s thoughts were interrupted when Johnny’s groans were mixed with the sound of Niall’s voice. “Oh, fuck you, Johnny! Leave the boy alone! Don’t you think he’s already taking his fair share?” 

Harry turned his head and met Niall’s eyes. He tried to force a smile as a “thank you”, but didn’t have the energy. All Niall got was an awkward expression. Johnny didn’t intend to stop, but started thrusting harder. Harry was humiliated by Niall’s presence. He didn’t want to be seen like this – as someone’s fuck toy. 

“Fuck you, Johnny! I can’t watch this…” Niall said not daring to stop the man who was violating his friend. “I’ve to talk to ya, Harry love…” He looked sad, and Harry saw how the pity was written all over his face. “Sorry…. I’ll be in the room.” Then Niall was gone. 

Johnny grabbed Harry’s bruised hips firmly and thrusted into him one last time before he finished. He fell over Harry’s back in exhaustion and pleasure, causing the boy to take a step closer to the wall to keep both of them on their feet. I took all his strength. 

“Such a good boy.” Johnny said and kissed Harry’s sweaty neck while closing his own jeans. Harry didn’t say a word. He took a random T-shirt off the bathroom floor and whipped the sweat off his forehead as Johnny left the room. Harry felt disgusting and desperate. 

After Harry had pulled his jeans back up and put a somewhat clean T-shirt on, he went looking for Niall. Wondering what could be so important. Niall was his only friend in the house. He was a handsome blonde with lively blue eyes and a charming laugh. Harry could see why women adored him, and he’d also had a crush on Niall when he first met him. That was a long time ago, and those feelings had turned into a true friendship. He appreciated the blonde and his intelligence, good sense of humour and optimistic mind. Somewhat optimistic mind, at least. It was really quite difficult to be optimistic when one was living in a rotten house and doing a shitty job, but Niall was different. He was a good person. 

Harry had been standing in the door for a while before Niall noticed his presence. As he did, he looked up at Harry and took of his headphones. Niall was quite fund of music – something he’d taught Harry to be as well. On free nights they would lay on the mattress together, side by side, listening to some of Niall’s music. At first Harry had to get used to the type of music his friend liked, but now it was all that could calm him down. 

Niall gave him a worried look. “You okay?” he asked, and Harry nodded. “Harry, I’m really sorry you have to put up with that. I want to help, you know that… It’s just fucking difficult… I don’t know how…” He looked at Harry as if he was trying to scan his head. Trying to get inside it. Harry hardly felt like he was inside his own head. 

“It’s ok, Niall… Really.” Harry looked back. Trying the best he could to look as if he meant what he was saying. “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” Harry added as if he didn’t believe his own lie and now had to convince both of them. 

“It’s not, but we’ll leave it there for now. I gotta get going soon, so…” Niall looked down moving his index finger on the floor in small circles. Harry knew how dirty his finger would be by doing that. The house was a mess, and everything in it was the same. 

“Well, I thought… You know, you’ve been working so much lately, and I’m fucking worried about you. Really, Harry. I want you to take the night off. I’ll cover up for you and talk to some of the others. It’ll be fine… We’ll make enough money to cover your share.” He looked back up at Harry. 

“Oh… You know that won’t work. And I don’t want to put you through that… I don’t.” Harry said and pulled a hand through his long hair as he looked back at Niall. 

He was a damn fine friend that Niall. He really was. It wasn’t that Harry didn’t need a night off or wanted it. He wanted it so badly, but he knew what would happen if he didn’t work, and what would happen to Niall. That was the worst part. He didn’t care much about himself anymore. Sometimes he even thought that letting Johnny kill him would be the best option for him. 

“I’m really worried about you, love.” And Harry could tell by the look of Niall’s face that he wasn’t lying, but Harry felt like there was nothing to worry about. 

“Do you ever look at yourself?” Niall asked, making Harry unsure of his point, so he didn’t answer. “You let them fucking choke you, Harry! Some of these people are sick. Some day you won’t get out of a grip like that alive.” Now Harry understood his point, but he didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to hear the truth, so he turned around and walked away from the room. Leaving Niall behind with his good intentions. He was going to work tonight. He had to.


	4. A Cold Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to make longer chapters which I hope is a success. Let me know what you think! Thank you.

Though it had been a sunny day, the night was cold. Almost freezing. Harry walked down the street slowly, focusing on carefully placing one foot in front of the other to bring his body forward. He was cold and wore his short, fake leather jacket on top of his T-shirt. He wasn’t able to zip up the jacket in the front anymore. All his clothes were worn-out. He was sure that any person could tell how cheap he was miles away - and he was cheap. He didn’t ask for a lot of money when serving customers, not as much as he knew some of the others did. He didn’t felt like he was worth it. 

The street smelled a lot like the house he lived in. Dirty and rotten. Cut off from life. He had a spot which he always went to. It was his spot, and it made him comfortable. He felt safe by the fact that he knew every crack in the tiles there, every angle for a good view, and where to stand when wanting a good spotlight from the lampposts. 

Harry stood very still when reaching his spot. He wasn’t breathing until his body demanded him to. The street was silent. There wasn’t many workers or customers, but he knew they’d come eventually. The night was still young. He looked around as he wrapped his arms around himself. 

Harry was somewhat glad when he recognised a black car which was driving down the street slowly. It was probably a very warm, black car. Harry knew it was a regular customer of his own. Hamilton, the man called himself. A middle-aged man who didn’t bother to take off his wedding ring. That was all Harry knew about him, and it was more than Harry needed to know about him. 

Hamilton pulled up in front of Harry. He was a gentleman, and got out of the car to face Harry. Something he enjoyed doing, apparently. “Hi there.” Hamilton said and smiled a decent smile at Harry. 

He was a bit shorter than the longhaired boy, and Harry didn’t like his teeth. Neither did he like his breath, but he couldn’t afford to be picky. However, he did like the formal suit the older man was wearing and his new-looking, shiny shoes. He wore a dark blue tie with a strange pattern, and Harry tried to imagine all the fun they could have using that tie, but he didn’t get a thrill. He didn’t feel anything at all. 

“Hello Hamilton. Lovely evening for some fun, yeah?” Harry answered and gave his customer the best smile he could come up with. “Indeed.” was all Harry got, before Hamilton pulled some cash out of his pocket. “Busy right now?” He pointed the money at Harry. “Always got time for you, love.” Harry took the money, and smiled at him again. He felt like he was in a mood for forcing smiles. 

Like Harry had imagined the black car was warm. He was cold, and he didn’t bother to make much of an impression, but made sure to make himself comfortable. He knew Hamilton would drive a few blocks away to an empty parking lot. Harry assumed that the middle-aged man didn’t have the patience to drive around town when he’d finally gotten out of his house to pick up Harry. 

“Doing good?” Hamilton always asked the same questions, and Harry appreciated that he was trying. He appreciated the human being inside the stranger, but he always felt worthless when he was with a customer - it seemed to be a part of the job description. 

“Definitely! Things are great. And you’re doing good?” Harry looked at the stubbles on the man’s cheek. “Oh yes, doing great as well…” Harry smiled and stayed silent. He figured it was a waste of his own and Hamilton’s energy to continue lying. Instead he wondered what the man did for a living, some sort of business definitely, but before Harry made any further conclusions the car pulled into the parking lot. 

As soon as the car stood still Harry took off his jacket. “So love, the usual?” Harry asked turning around to face the man. “Yes, please… That’d be lovely.” Hamilton smiled a confidential smile while reaching out for Harry’s cheek. He laid his big, warm hand on Harry’s face, before bending forward to kiss him. Hamilton was a decent kisser, but passionless. Harry didn’t work for passion. He liked to be fast and professional. Tonight wasn’t an exception. 

Harry reached down to open the customer’s trousers. It was a mystery to Harry how some men were hard even before he’d done anything. Maybe the thought of what they were doing was a turn on for them. He didn’t know. 

He pulled out Hamilton pulsing dick and gave it a few strokes before bending down to put it in his mouth. Harry knew that he was good at giving blowjobs. Something he’d learned working because he hadn’t been good at anything to begin with. 

For the first long period of time, being with customers was humiliating for Harry in another, and way more literal way, than it was now. Johnny had taken his virginity and fucked him several times before sending him out in the street, but Harry quickly realised that hadn’t made him experienced. He had no clue of what he was doing most of the time, and that was very clear to the men he was serving. Some men tried to be nice and guide him, some got impatient, and some got angry or violent and wanted their money back. But now he was good at what he was doing. He knew exactly how to please a man, any man. 

Hamilton grabbed Harry’s long hair firmly, and started thrusting into Harry’s mouth. They were hard, deep thrusts without rhythm. It wasn’t nice, but Harry moaned like no other and moved his head up and down the pulsing shaft faster and faster. 

“Ed…. Fuck… Edward… Now, now.” Hamilton moaned with a half-choked voice. Harry knew what that meant and stopped, looking up at the man and made a deep mmm-sound while smiling a wide smile. Harry then kissed his Hamilton’s hairy cheek and sat back onto the passenger seat. 

“Want a show, baby?” Harry asked and pulled down his jeans. Hamilton didn’t have to answer. Before Harry got to regret his actions, he was shoving two fingers up his ass. He let out a loud noise trying to cover up the pain as pleasure. He sat there finger fucking himself in front of the customer pretending to be hitting the right spot with every thrust. 

“Oh fuck yes, babe… Yes! Just like that…” Harry put on his best show and made sure to breath heavily. Soon Hamilton was pressing his hard dick against Harry’s dry lips. He let him into his mouth, moved his head up and down a few times, and then tasted the warm sperm which was making him cough violently. 

After getting their clothes back on Hamilton said, “lovely, Edward.” He looked like he meant it. Harry didn’t feel like answering. He bent forward to kiss Hamilton’s cheek before he knew the man would put the car into gear and drive him back to his spot in the cold street. Harry would miss the warm car. 

***

After dealing with a few other customers Harry was back on the street. The night wasn’t young anymore, and the festival had spread its life to the street. It was now full of drunk people looking for a good time or just passing through to look at the whores. Harry felt disheartened. 

The other side of the street had all the good spots. The girls standing over there were busy tonight. They looked like trash, just like Harry himself, but they had a gift. They could talk themselves into anyone’s pants. As Harry looked at them his eyes was caught by the sight of something else. 

A young man. A young man with short, dark hair. He had a nice attitude and was wearing a jacket. He was walking by himself. He didn’t look drunk to Harry. He looked beautiful. Harry stopped breathing. The man couldn’t possibly be there looking for a date. Looking like that it’d be ridiculous. 

The man must have felt him staring, because he turned his head and looked right into Harry’s eyes. It was an accident, clearly, because a few seconds later he looked away in awkwardness, but he’d stopped walking. Harry wasn’t sure what to do, so he stood very still. Not breathing. The dark hair with the dark jacket then walked across the street towards him. If Harry hadn’t been an emotional wreck he would have greeted the butterflies in his stomach welcome, as he watched the man come closer. 

“Good evening.” The man said with a voice that sounded a bit rusty, but kind, young and lovely. “Or night? It’s probably a good night.” He continued and smiled a natural, kind smile. Harry laughed a short laugh, and said, “yes. It probably is a good night.” The man looked at him, and seemed to be looking right into Harry’s heart. “I’m not here for… A nice time.” He said, and then continued “I just saw you from across the street... You’re very beautiful, are you aware of that?” 

Harry wasn’t quite sure what to say. He felt warm. After a while of silence, the man broke it, “Of course you do. You must hear that a lot… Well, now you know I think so too.” The stranger’s smile was wonderful. Harry wished he’d stay and smile for him all night. 

“Well then, have a lovely night. “ The dark hair turned around, and just as he’d taken a few steps away Harry pulled himself together. “I’m Harry!” He said not being able to come up with something better. He felt shame running down his spine. The man turned around and looked at him. “Harry, I’m Louis.” He smiled, and Harry stopped breathing. 

“That’s not a name I hear a lot.” Harry said and felt like he’d just made a direct reference to his work, but who was he trying to fool anyway? They both knew. 

“No, a lot of people tell me that. I don’t meet many other Louis’ either.” The man named Louis laughed while saying that. He wasn’t judging Harry it seemed. 

“You’re very attractive, you know…” Harry said and looked down into the ground. “I’d be lucky to be with someone like you…” He had to try his luck. He couldn’t stand the old men, and this was the only way that someone like Louis would be with him. 

“Oh… Thank you, Harry.” Harry could tell that Louis wasn’t quite sure what to say. “I don’t want you to get a wrong impression of me. I really didn’t mean to ask for your services… Though I’m sure you’re very good at them.” Harry looked up feeling disappointed. 

“I had to try. It’s my job after all.” He smiled and didn’t care anymore. He’d lost the battle. Louis smiled back at him, before nodding his head and walking away. Leaving Harry alone in the cold street.


	5. Payday

Harry spent the rest of the night getting in and out of strangers’ cars. By the time he was done he was exhausted. His whole body was hurting. His feet were sore, and his eyes are closing without his approval. His long hair was greasy and a mess. 

As he was walking back to the house with no doors he felt lost and lonely. He’d been thinking about the man, Louis. He’d imagined his friendly, handsome face when someone else had been pressing a tongue into Harry’s mouth, and he’d wondered what his night would have been like if Louis had been the kind of man who’d take him home. Harry knew he’d have to let go eventually, but right now he found comfort in the beautiful human being. Someone he was sure had already forgotten him. 

The spotlight in front of the house was on when Harry got back, but every room inside seemed to be dark. He reached for the handrail in front of the door and pulled himself up by his arms. It took all his strength. He had to lay down. He’d clean up tomorrow. He knew he was covered in cum. It was in his hair, on his T-shirt and all over his ass and thighs. He couldn’t care.

Harry opened the front door slowly not wanting to wake up anyone. He listed through the darkness into his and Niall’s room. The smell in the house was vicious that was very obvious after a night out on the street. 

“S’that you, Harry?” Niall’s voice sounded off and tired. He hardly made any sound while saying that. “Yeah… Sorry. I really tried to keep it down.” Harry found the mattress when his foot bumped against it in the darkness. 

“Wasn’t sleeping very well. What time is it?” Niall asked and Harry could hear him move around. “I don’t know. Just sleep.” – “You alright, love?” Niall always asked that when he got home. It was his way of caring. Niall was a good friend. 

“I’m okay. You?” Harry pulled off his T-shirt and boots and laid down on the hard mattress. He was feeling cold. “Yeah… I’m okay.” With that Niall went back to sleep, and Harry found a blanket. It took a while before he fell asleep, but when he did he dreamt of dark hair, a friendly smile and blue eyes. 

***

The next day Niall woke up Harry. He laid down on Harry’s mattress and wrapped his arms around the curly haired boy as he sung some light-headed song. 

“Niiiiaaaall…” Harry mumbled into the mattress trying to get the blonde to shut up. Niall laughed loudly. “You’ve gotta get up, love. Payday.” Then he continued singing and added somewhere in the lyrics of Beegee’s Staying Alive, “and you kinda stink.” Niall added rubbing his face against Harry’s neck. “You kinda stink…” Harry said and couldn’t help smiling. Niall did this to him. He made him smile once in a while. A real smile. Like the one Louis had made him smile last night.

“Very mature, Harrold!” Niall laughed and let go off Harry. Harry could feel him turning around behind his back to sit up. Harry noticed how the mattress was stinking and wondered if it was himself he could smell. He turned around too – slowly. He knew about the dizziness. When laying on his back he placed both his legs next to Niall so they were pointing out on the floor. Then he put his weight onto his elbows and got up. The dizziness hit him despite his efforts. 

“Dizzy?” Niall asked looking at him with a wrinkle between his brows. “A little.” Harry lied. “Harry…” Niall said and Harry managed to stop him before he got what he knew was coming. “I know… I know.”

When they sat on the edge of the mattress Harry was reminded why he liked Niall. Niall was one of those people whom he didn’t have to tell everything. He just knew. Like he knew in that moment that Harry needed to feel safe and warm, so he put an arm around his shoulders and leaned his head against Harry’s. Harry stopped breathing for a moment and focused on Niall’s warmth. 

“Well, well, well… I wonder what Johnny would say if he saw this!” Zayn had appeared in the door. An exotic-looking guy with sharp facial features. Zayn knew he was handsome, and he wasn’t afraid to take advantage of that. His presence made Harry uncomfortable immediately. 

“Shut up, Malik.” Niall said trying to be threatening. Niall wasn’t very fund of Zayn, but unlike Harry he was able to stand up for himself. This was probably the explanation to why so many people in the house seemed to like Niall, though it was obvious that Niall didn’t always return those feelings. 

“Just saying, Horan. Dangerous territory.” A smirk appeared on Zayn’s face when Harry looked up and moved a bit away from Niall. He didn’t want it to turn into a scene. “Anyway, I’m here to tell you idiots that he’s already arrived. Not that I care about your pathetic asses.” Zayn gave them an undefinable smile and then turned to walk away. 

“Better get up, love” Niall said and laid a kiss at the side of Harry’s forehead. 

****

Johnny sat by the table in the kitchen looking like he was busy reading the newspaper. Harry wasn’t sure the man could even spell his own name. He looked up as Niall and Harry walked in.

“You two look like shit.” He said looking at Niall and then Harry. “Probably because we’ve been working our asses off all night to earn your fucking money.” Niall snapped back and crossed his arms. Harry stopped breathing. 

“He means that quite literally, doesn’t he, babe?” Johnny laughed too loudly and looked at Harry. Harry still hadn’t started breathing. Now he didn’t feel like it. “Well then, let me have my money. I ain’t got all day.” Johnny said and gladly took the money they owed him. 

Harry turned away to leave the kitchen hoping to find the bathroom available when Johnny interrupted him: “Harry, dear… I need you to do me a favour today.” Harry knew that a “favour” wasn’t a favour, but a threat. He also knew that there was no way he could reject the proposal if he wanted to keep a roof over his head. 

“I got some good ol’ friends stopping by today. I want to show them a good time. I want to show them you.” Harry looked down into the floor. He stopped breathing again. “You think you can do that, baby?” Johnny laughed, and Harry nodded. 

****

Johnny’s so-called friends were middle-aged men. Harry didn’t find a single one of them attractive. When he stepped into the room they stopped talking. Five men. Harry felt a lump in his throat. His heart started beating faster and he got a strange feeling in most of his body. A strange, ticklish feeling. An unpleasant feeling. 

“Decent one.” One of the men broke the silence, and a few others mumbled in agreement. Harry put on a small smile and started taking off his clothes. That tricked the men to do the same. Soon all five men were naked. He wasn’t sure what to do. Johnny had never done this to him before. 

Harry then laid down on the bare, cold floor resting his upper body on the elbows. A man walked up to him. He grabbed Harry’s hair firmly at the roots and shoved his dick into Harry’s mouth. He didn’t give Harry any time to adjust to the situation, but started fucking his mouth immediately. 

Another man was laying down on top of Harry. He was kissing his neck while trying to press a finger up Harry’s ass. Harry was on the edge. He could breakdown at any second. He felt the tears begging to run down his cheeks, and the ticklish feeling had now turned into a feeling of cramps. 

The stranger between Harry’s legs had gotten impatient and given up on the finger, instead he succeeded pressing his half-hard dick into him. The man was fucking Harry hard and unrhythmically while the other man was fucking his mouth in another tempo. 

After a while the men had switched positions a few times and had given the other men room to enjoy Harry. Harry had adjusted to the situation after a while, but he felt as if his soul had left his body.

Harry was riding one of the men, who held onto his sore hips and was digging his fingers into the already existing bruises, when another man came up behind him. Harry knew what was about to happen. It was too much to bare. Harry didn’t want that. He didn’t want any of this. But he let the man press himself into his already stretched ass. The pain was unbearable, but Harry had no choice, but to ride the two dicks which were now inside of him. 

The escapade continued for a while until all men had finished on Harry’s face. They got dressed and left the room, as he was laying naked and senseless on the cold floor. He had sperm in his nose. He wanted to stop breathing. Then he remembered the blue eyes named Louis. He wished he would see those eyes one more time.


	6. A day off

Harry had gone back to his room for the rest of the day. He’d been Laying on his mattress trying not to move until the night came around and he had to go to the street. The night had been even colder than the night before. He’d spent all his mental energy on recalling meeting beautiful Louis over and over, but the man never showed up. Many other men did, and it had been a busy night for Harry. 

The next morning Harry was woken up by a foot kicking into the side of his body. When he opened his eyes, he saw Johnny’s face. “Heard you treated my friends good yesterday. Take the day off. Want you back out there tomorrow.” That was all he said. Then he left the room. Harry looked up into the ceiling. There was a long, dangerous crack running all the way through the ceiling from one wall to the other. A day off. 

Harry was glad to find out that Niall had gotten the day off as well. “I earned enough money this weekend to pay him for tonight, so I told the idiot to give me a night off. He did.” Niall was very pleased by knowing that Harry had finally gotten a day off. 

“I’d like to go to the cinema. I haven’t in years.” Harry said trying to recall what it was like. “Sure, love. Let’s do that. And let’s go get some new clothes.” Harry looked doubtfully at Niall. He had no spare money whatsoever. “I’ve been saving a bit. I’ll buy both of us something new and nice.” Niall smiled widely at Harry and added, “besides, I forgot your birthday.” 

Many people went shopping that day. The street was crowded, and Harry was thinking that it probably looked like a busy anthill from above. He’d done his best to find some decent, clean-looking clothes. He’d showered, shaved and put on a cologne. He felt decent. This new-found freedom suited him in his own opinion, but he knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up too high. He’d only be disappointed. 

As they walked along Niall suddenly stopped, and stopped Harry too by putting an arm in front of him. “H&M, let’s go in there, H!” Harry felt like a burden. He didn’t like how determined Niall was to spend money on him, but he could tell that it gave his friend happy, so Harry followed him into the store. 

Harry was relieved that Niall had picked a store like H&M. He’d been afraid that they would stand out, but they didn’t. If Harry hadn’t known better, he would even think that they looked fancy and fashionable. 

The racks were placed close to each other making Harry feel claustrophobic at times. Niall was the perfect distraction for that. “This is perfect for you, love.” Niall said enthusiasticly and hold up a white T-shirt with a colourful Rolling Stones logo printed on it. Harry did like it. 

“Niall, you really don’t have to do this.” Harry said looking down at the T-shirt Niall was holding up in front of his body. “Well, I want to, so please lighten up and appreciate it a little.” Niall was looking directly at him. Harry wasn’t sure what the blonde guy was trying to tell him by the look on his face, but he figured it must be something similar to what he said. “I do appreciate it! I really do.” Harry said and looked at Niall’s bright face. “Thanks. I’d like to try it on then.” Harry smiled, and Niall put the T-shirt over his arm. 

They walked along the racks for a long time. Harry was sure that they’d looked at every piece of fabric in the store. Both of them ended up trying on more clothes than they needed and could afford. Harry acted like he didn’t like half of what he’d tried on. He didn’t want Niall to spend a lot of money on him, so he settled with the white Rolling Stones T-shirt, a pair of black skinny jeans, a grey sweater and a new jacket which he could zip in the front. The jeans and the jacket had a discount, of course. 

Harry could tell that Niall felt like he was on top of the world. The blue eyes were sparkling. The mouth was laughing and cracking jokes like it never had before. It was impossible not to be effected by Niall’s good mood. 

While Niall was busy flirting and paying for the goods, Harry looked around the store. He stopped looking when his eyes slid across short dark hair which seemed to be busy looking at men’s underwear. Harry felt a familiar lump in his throat. He saw how the figure gently moved between the racks. Soaked up by his own thoughts. 

Niall then laughed loudly, and everyone close to the counter was disturbed and looked over at him. Some in anger. The dark hair was also looking. It was Louis. Harry wasn’t able not to stare. He wished he could be more smooth. 

Louis recognised him, and Harry noticed how quickly he did so. The blue eyes must had remembered him very well, maybe even thought about him. Louis sent him a friendly smile. Harry smiled back and bit his lip. The blue eyes had remembered him. 

They kept eye contact, but before Harry got to think of his next move, Niall was done paying a flirting and was now dragging Harry along by the arm. “Oh my God, love! Did you hear that?” Niall laughed loudly. Harry could no longer see Louis. He had nothing to laugh of. 

****

Harry couldn’t think of anything else than Louis for the rest of the day. An unfamiliar feeling of warmth had spread inside his body, but he knew it was pointless. He didn’t know the guy, and the guy certainly didn’t know him. Harry had been hoping that he’d come back, but he hadn’t. Of course not. Harry felt stupid. There was no point. 

Niall had talked him into watching some silly romance-comedy at the cinema. They’d eaten popcorn and drunken cola. Harry didn’t remember the taste of those things, but felt peaceful when he finally sat down in the seat in front of the big screen and noticed the smell of the popcorns filling the cinema. 

Walking back to the large house he’d felt somewhat happy. He appreciated the day and Niall’s company and his kindness. When they got back home Niall and Harry laid down next to each other on a mattress and fell asleep fast. Harry slept throughout the night without waking up.


	7. Too good to be true

The next day came around fast. Harry woke up feeling comfortable next to Niall. Waking up after many hours of sleep felt new to him, and he knew he’d be able to find some energy to get through the day. He wasn’t looking forward to going back to work already, but he was thankful that he’d gotten yesterday and the night for himself. He was thankful that he’d seen Louis. 

The day went by fast. Harry used some of his newfound energy on cleaning and laundering. He would put on his new jeans and the grey sweater. He was feeling comfortable and clean for the first time in weeks. 

As the night came around Harry put on his new jacket and found some condoms under a pile of clothes in the bathroom. He was ready.  
****  
Harry walked slowly forward feeling more and more drained from energy as he got closer to his usual spot. He turned around the street corner, and saw a dark figure already standing there. His heart skipped a beat and he stopped breathing for a second, until he it was clear to his that it wasn’t the blue eyes, but Zayn, and his dark eyes, who was standing there. 

“Zup, Harrold?” Zayn said like everything was perfectly normal. “What are you doing here?” Harry asked. He tried to make it sound sharp and threatening. He wasn’t sure he’d succeeded. 

“Ah, working?” Zayn looked at him and gave him a cold smile. Harry felt uncomfortable immediately. “I work from here.” Harry said feeling too kind. “Not anymore, you don’t.” Zayn said and looked away. He couldn’t possibly shit more all over Harry. 

“What’s your problem, Zayn? This is not even a good spot. Just fuck off.” Zayn looked at him again. His facial expression wasn’t readable. “You’re right. Not a wonder all the perverts are fucking you. You’re cheap, Harry.” Zayn gave him another vicious smile. “Nothing but a cheap whore.” He added, and spitted in front of Harry’s shoes. Then he left. 

Harry just stood there. He wasn’t breathing. He wasn’t thinking. He just watched Zayn walk away. 

****  
“Seems like this is another good night.” Harry turned around. His heart skipped a beat, the lump was back in his throat, and his fingers were getting warm. “It does now.” Harry said and tried a little smile. 

“Hello, Harry.” Louis said and smiled. He was a warm person. Harry took in all of his smile. 

“It was nice running into you yesterday.” Louis continued, and Harry agreed, “yes, it was… I was surprised you remembered me.” Harry felt unable to look anywhere else, but at Louis’ beautiful face. His jaws were sharp and his lips were inviting. His hair was done in a messy style, which complimented the shape of his face. 

“How could I not?” Louis asked. “I’ve thought about you.” And Harry had no idea what to say or how to feel about that. 

“Breath, Harry.” Louis laughed, and made him feel like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

“I’ve thought about you too.” Harry decided to be honest. “Is that so?” Louis gave him a doubtful look. “Yeah. I don’t meet a lot of friendly people in this street. Not a lot of beautiful, friendly people.” Harry looked down at the ground and back up. He wasn’t sure if he’d crossed the line, but Louis had a soft look on his face. It made Harry feel comfortable. 

“Thank you.” Louis said and added, “are you busy right now?” Harry wasn’t sure why he’d ask that. Louis wasn’t one of those people. He’d made that clear from the beginning, and Harry couldn’t afford to go somewhere with him for a snack or coffee. Not even if he wanted to. 

“Well, not in particular.” Harry said. Louis’ expression changed just then. Harry wasn’t sure what it changed into. Louis cleared his throat and moved a bit. “I thought… If you’re not busy, that is, that perhaps we could… I could… Have the pleasure of your company?” Louis looked right at him. Harry wanted to smile. “If you want to, of course.” Louis added. Silence appeared for a moment. 

“I’d like that, Louis.” Harry meant it. He’d like that very much. Harry could see the relief on Louis’ face. His blue eyes were sparkling. “I haven’t done this sort of thing before.” Harry was secretly glad to hear that. 

“That’s alright.” He looked at Louis and smiled before continuing, “we need somewhere to go. I can see that you’re not here in a car, so I suggest that we find a free corner somewhere or go back to your place… Or my place.” Harry wasn’t fund of bringing Louis to the house with no doors. 

“Your place sounds like a good idea.” Louis said, and looked at Harry with kind eyes.

****  
Louis looked around when they entered Harry's room. He wasn’t quite sure how Louis was dealing with the situation, but the blue eyes seemed calm. 

“You live here?” Louis asked and looked at Harry. “I do.” He felt embarrassed by the fact that he did. He imagined Louis’ home to be nice, comfortable and clean, but Louis just smiled, and Harry got warmer inside. 

“There is no door?” Louis had a deep wrinkle between his brows as he said that. “I…Uhm… No. I suppose the owner of the house isn’t into doors…” Harry wasn’t quite sure how to respond to that. He’d no idea why there was no doors. It’d never been there. 

“Are there others? Here?” It was quite obvious that Louis was feeling uncomfortable. “Right now?” He swallowed. “No, we’re alone.” Harry wasn’t sure of that. It wouldn’t be a big deal if someone saw or heard them anyway. Customers came here on regular basis. Nobody would know that Louis was a special customer to Harry. 

Harry didn’t want to wait anymore. He wanted to know what Louis’ body felt like against his. Since he was the professional one he’d have to get things going, but all the professional self-assurance was gone. He wanted to please Louis, but he wasn’t sure how Louis would like to be pleased. 

Louis was looking at Harry with a gentle look on his face. Harry suddenly noticed every part of his body respond to Louis’ stare. He grabbed the bottom of his T-shirt and slowly pulled it over his head. Louis eyes immediately started exploring his body. Harry felt ashamed. He was too thin and he had marks and bruises everywhere. His hips were blue from being grabbed and pulled, and he knew that his jeans weren’t covering it. Louis eyes did stop for a second when he saw the bruises. Then he looked up into Harry’s eyes and said, “you’re beautiful, Harry”. 

Harry automatically responded to that with a smile of appreciation. He reached for the zipper in his jeans, and pulled them down which left him naked in front of Louis. Harry was hardly ever naked with a customer unless they specifically wanted it. Louis eyes had turned darker, and Harry knew that look of lust very well. 

He took a few steps closer to Louis, and when they were close enough Harry laid his lips on Louis’ neck. Louis took a deep breath. His neck tasted salty and sweet. Harry knew right then that it was a taste he was going to be addicted to. A taste he’d never forget. He started kissing Louis’ neck. He gently laid his kisses up and down the soft skin. 

Louis put his hands into Harry’s long, curly hair and stopped Harry’s exploration of his neck by kissing Harry’s jaw, then his cheek till he found his lips. Louis’ kisses were gentle, and yet full of passion. Harry could tell that Louis wanted him. This wasn’t half-hearted. Louis’ lips were soft and warm. Harry wanted more and slowly parted Louis’ lips with his tongue, begging for entrance. 

As their tongues were playing Harry reached down and found the zipper in Louis’ jeans. He unzipped, but didn’t have enough patience to pull down the jeans. Instead he laid the palm of his hand on Louis’ pelvis and slowly slid his hand down into the boxers. He was pleased when he found Louis’ pulsing dick. Harry felt proud that he could make someone as incredible as Louis feel that way about him. 

He quickly found the tip of Louis' dick and put his hand around it, surprised by the size. Harry started rubbing the head and Louis’ kisses got more insisting. Harry wished it would never come to an end. 

Louis started breathing heavily into Harry’s mouth as Harry continued stroking him. Pre-cum was wetting Harry's hand and fingers. Harry himself was more aroused than he’d been in years. This wasn’t like his usual job. This didn’t feel like working. This felt like something else. Something Harry wasn’t familiar with. 

“Harry… Harry, I want you.” Louis managed to moan into his mouth. It made Harry smile. He stopped stroking Louis and took a step back. Louis was standing not many inches away with swollen lips, red cheeks and a fast breath. He was beautiful. Harry had never seen anyone like him. 

“Okay, then…” Harry said and smiled. Louis smiled back. He grabbed the bottom of Louis’ blouse and pulled it over his head and tossed it away more roughly than he’d done with his own. He reached down for the line of Louis’ jeans and underwear and pull all of it down in one go. Leaving Harry on his knees in front of Louis throbbing dick which was now free for Harry’s eyes to look at. 

It was just as beautiful as the rest of Louis. Long, thick and smooth, with a vein showing here and there. Harry grabbed it by the root and licked the tip. Louis pre-cum was salty, but he didn’t mind. Louis tasted wonderfully all over, and Harry wanted more of him. He wanted to devour him. All of him. 

He put his lips around the tip of Louis beautiful dick and let his lips slide down the head slowly and back up. By his next movement Harry took much as he could into his mouth and started sucking by moving his head up and down. He did the best he could. He wanted Louis to enjoy this. To remember him. 

Louis put his hands in Harry’s hair. Usually Harry didn’t like that, but Louis didn’t take control or make him suck faster than he wanted to. Louis was gentle and his hands in Harry’s hair turned Harry on even more. 

Harry didn’t stay on his knees for long. He didn’t want to. He wanted to feel Louis. He had to feel him. He stood back up in front of Louis, who reached out for a kiss unexpectedly. Usually Harry’s customers didn’t want to kiss him after he’d had them in his mouth. Louis was different. 

Louis looked down at the mattress and laughed while joking, “it’s a bit far down there. I’m not that young anymore, Harry.” It made Harry smile, something he wasn’t used to in the middle of business. 

“I’ll help you then.” Harry said and laid down on the disgusting mattress. It wasn’t appropriate for what they were doing, but it had to do. He parted his legs and looked up at Louis. “Maybe this is motivating?” Harry felt sexy for a moment. Louis smirked and sat down on the floor next to Harry, before he placed an arm on each side of the curly-haired boy and crawled in between his legs. 

“Hi.” Louis said and looked at Harry with a serious expression on his face. Harry looked back at Louis trying to reciprocate the look and the feeling Louis was giving him. The moment was silent. Silent and passionate. Harry could feel every inch of Louis’ body pressed against his own. Chest against chest, stomach against stomach, dick against dick. 

When the moment had passed Louis kissed Harry’s lips. Then his jaw and his neck. Harry couldn’t help but letting out small moans and stretching his neck to invite Louis to continue. The he got impatient and reached down between Louis’ and his own body. He needed to feel Louis inside him. Now. 

Louis looked him into the eyes as Harry grabbed his dick and showed him the way to his ring. Louis slowly pressed against it. Harry had never felt like this before. He’d never been treated like this before. He felt the tip of Louis’ dick open him up and the head gently slide into him. Louis let out a subdued moan. He was enjoying him. 

Louis stopped moving. “You okay?” He asked and looked at Harry with intense eyes. Harry needed a moment to adjust before replying, “Yes… Don’t stop.” And Louis didn’t stop after that. 

He slowly pushed the rest of his length into Harry. Filling him up. Then he slowly pulled out. Almost all the way out before sliding back in. Louis continued doing that for a while. 

Harry became breathless in the middle of all his heavy breathing and moans. He clung himself to Louis. His legs were locked around Louis’ body and his hands were caressing Louis' warm back. Sometimes his hands slid into Louis’ hair as they were kissing. 

“Louis, please… Harder.” Harry needed more. Louis started moving faster, but he was still gentle. Harry could feel Louis dick caressing his prostate every time he moved. He’d never felt that before. Harry had never felt any of this before. 

Wanting more Harry started moving his hips to meet Louis’ thrusts. “Please, I won’t break… Harder. Fuck me harder, Louis.” Harry let go of Louis' back and placed his hands on each side of his face to get him to look at him. “Harder.” Harry said looking into Louis’ blank eyes. 

When Louis started thrusting into Harry again it wasn’t gently or slowly. He understood what Harry needed and was now pounding into the curly-haired boy’s sweet spot. Harry was in ecstasy. His dick was so hard it was hurting. It was throbbing between his own and Louis’ body. His anus was stretched by the size of Louis’ dick and his prostate was swollen and sensitive. He would cum any second. 

As Harry did cum he clung onto Louis’ body in all senses. His face was hidden in Louis’ sweaty neck, his legs around his body, nails digging into his back and his anus cramping around the beautiful man's dick from pleasure. Harry could feel his own cum drip down the side of his body. He felt safe and satisfied. Louis was something special. 

Louis was about to pull out when Harry stopped him. “Cum inside me.” Harry said kissing Louis’ cheek. He was still out of breath. “You sure?” Louis looked him in the eyes, and Harry nodded. 

Louis thrusted into Harry a few times, and came making a loud noise into Harry’s mouth. Harry felt like he was in heaven. It was too good to be true. When Louis pulled out Harry felt how much he had filled him up. 

“You’re amazing.” Louis said and gave him a warm smile before he kissed his sweaty forehead.


	8. Reality

“Thank you, Louis.” Harry said and kissed the man’s chest. Like Harry, Louis had several tattoos and Harry had now seen every single one of them. He was lying next to Louis with his leg over Louis’ legs and his head resting on Louis’ shoulder. 

“I should be thanking you, Harry.” Louis replied and kissed his hair as a kind gesture. “How…” Louis paused. “How much was this?” Harry stopped breathing. “200.” He said and felt empty. “Oh… You’re worth more than money, Harry. And more than that.” Harry answered with a cynical giggle. 

None of them said anything for a while. Harry knew he should get up and get back to the street. The night was still young and Louis’ money wouldn’t be enough to give back to Johnny. But it could wait a little longer. Harry didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to be away from Louis. Harry was lying completely still while letting his index finger follow the lines of one of Louis’ tattoos. 

“How old are you?” Louis said and looked down at Harry which gave him a double chin. It made Harry smile. “How old do you want me to be?” Harry laughed into Louis’ shoulder and found himself quite amusing. 

“Oh, don’t games with me, my friend!” Louis exclaimed with a large smile on his face. “Friends? Is that what we are now?” Harry noticed that he felt more serious about that question than he intended to. 

“Would you want us to be?” Louis said imitating Harry’s tone when he asked how old Louis wanted him to be. Harry laughed. “I’m 22, you?” - “27.” Louis said. Harry had thought he was much younger. 

The silence reoccurred until Louis asked another question, “for how long have you been doing… This?” Harry felt a familiar lump appear in his throat and for a few seconds he stopped breathing. He felt uneasy. Now he was sure that Louis thought he was a whore. Nothing but a cheap whore. 

Finally, Harry said, “four years.” Without any doubt. Four years was a long time. Louis seemed to agree. He just nodded and remained silent. 

“I have to get back soon, Louis. Please, tell me about yourself before we go.” Harry kissed Louis’ neck softly. The man tasted even more salty now than when Harry had laid the first kiss on his neck. Harry liked knowing that he’d caused it. He knew he’d done well. Now he could only hope that Louis would come back another night. Hopefully some time very soon. 

“Well, I’m a business man and a hopeful amateur musician. I work at a marketing firm where I supervise firms on how to spend their money. Something I’m quite good at.” Harry could tell that Louis was smiling. “And the musician-thing is something I do in a band with a few friends of mine. We usually play every weekend at a small bar… You should come hear us play if you ever get a night off. It’s not far from here.” Harry was enjoying the sound of Louis’ voice. It was calm and comforting. He’d like to hear Louis play. 

“Very impressive.” Harry said. “What’s your thing? In the band? Do you sing?” – “I sing, yes. I also play the guitar… Or bass.” Louis was drawing small circles on Harry’s back with his finger. Harry smiled. “I’d love to come hear you play sometime.” That made Louis smile. 

“What about you young Harrold? What’s there to know about you?” Louis said and kissed Harry’s hair. Harry was more than thankful that he’d bothered to shower, but he wasn’t very thankful that he’d no answer for Louis’ question. He wondered what there was to know about him besides the fact that he fucked strangers for money. 

“I wouldn’t know.” Harry said after a while, “I’m not interesting or smart”. He didn’t look up at Louis’ face.

The beautiful man’s reaction was quite different from what Harry had expected. “I doubt that very strongly. Look at you. Even your appearance is interesting, and I find that to be the most superficial and uninteresting thing about another human being.” Louis paused. He seemed to be thinking before continuing, “you’re an interesting person. A creative person and an innovative person. You could do great things in this world, I’m sure.” 

Harry had stopped breathing a while ago. He was speechless. He felt the unease grow stronger and spread throughout his body. It was crawling down his spine from the back of his mind to the very tip of his toes. The lump was suffocating him, and before he got to think he’d let go of Louis’ warm body and was sitting on the mattress frantically looking for his clothes. 

Louis sat up next to him. “Did I say something, Harry?” Harry could feel Louis’ glance on his face. A searching glance. “Nothing at all. I Just remembered that…” Harry stopped his movements and looked at Louis. He wasn’t sure what he saw. “I really have to get back. This was nice, but it is what it is.” 

Louis made a quick grimace. For a brief second his facial muscles contracted, and faster than Harry had noticed the change, Louis’ face was back to normal. It was the most beautiful face Harry had ever seen. He looked quite flawless again, but Harry had seen it, and he didn’t understand what he’d seen. 

Harry looked at the floor and leaned back a little putting weight on his palms. The last thing he wanted was to get dizzy. He had to get up slowly. Very slowly. He feared that Louis would notice. He feared that Louis would ask more questions. He couldn’t do it. He needed to be left alone, had to be. 

When Harry was finally back on his feet he knew, Louis had watched every single move he’d made. It was intense. Louis was intense, but he didn’t say a word. He was a man who knew when to shut up. 

Harry’s jeans were laying in front of the empty doorframe. He wondered if anyone had heard or seen them as he put one foot into the jeans. Then the other one. Putting on clothes was going well. He pulled up the skinny jeans and turned around slowly. Louis was already dressed. He was just standing there looking at Harry. He still didn’t say a word. Neither was he smiling anymore. 

Harry felt paralysed looking into Louis’ eyes, but he didn’t feel anything other than that. All the feelings he’d felt earlier were gone. Lost. It made him sad, and he knew that sadness gave him a wrinkle on his forehead. 

Harry put on the last pieces of clothes quickly. Then he wasn’t sure what to do. The two men were now standing in front of each other without moving or saying anything. Then Harry remembered. “You could pay me.” Something changed on Louis’ face again. Very briefly. Louis’ mimic seemed to be edged and fast. Harry didn’t understand it. 

“Yes, of course”, Louis said and reached for the wallet in the pocket of his dark jacket. It was the same jacket Harry had seen him wearing the first night he saw him. It was a fine jacket. All Louis’ clothes were fine and proper. Clean. 

“Keep it.” Louis was holding 500 up in front of Harry, who was still feeling paralyzed. He just looked at the money, not feeling sure whether he wanted them or not. Any amount of money wasn’t going to change things or make him feel better. Not even all the money in the world. 

“Thank you.” Harry said and took the money. He and Niall had their own secret spot where they hid the money they made. It would be a disaster if one the others stole them, and that wasn’t uncommon in the rotten house. Harry knew if that happened he or Niall, or both of them, would end up like Tilda. 

As he put the money away, he was feeling certain that Louis was watching him. He felt an unfamiliar feeling spread through his body. The unease he’d felt was gone, and he felt a melancholy feeling take over. He knew Louis would be gone soon. Maybe he’d never see the blue eyes again. Or the lovely smile. Or the double chin. This would be the end of it. Harry didn’t want it to end like this between him and this stranger. He didn’t want it to end at all. 

“Will you follow me back?” Harry asked as he turned around to face the beauty. Louis nodded his head and had a look on his face which seemed mistrustful. 

“I’m sorry.” That was all Harry could say. He didn’t know what else to say or how to behave. He’d never felt or done this before. All he could do was hoping that Louis could understand him or forgive him. 

Louis turned his blue eyes to the floor and tightened his jaws before he looked at Harry and moved closer to the young man. He put his warm hand on Harry’s cheek and let it slide into the curly hair gently. Then he laid a kiss on Harry’s forehead. “Let’s go” He said. 

The night was chilly as they walked next to each other down the quiet street. Soon Harry would be back at his spot and reality would beat the breath out of him. He didn’t want to touch any other man than Louis or even look at one. 

“I’d like to see you again.” Harry had his eyes on the sidewalk. He was hoping Louis felt the same way. For the first time, he noticed the number of cracks in the sidewalk. It was an old and worn-out sidewalk almost like himself, he thought. 

Louis cleared his throat. “I’d like that too, Harry.” He looked at Harry trying to get eye contact. Then he smiled and Harry felt warmth spread in his stomach. Now he knew he was able to get through the night. He’d see Louis again.


	9. A Cold Wall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment and let me know what you're thinking. Thanks!
> 
> Enjoy!

Five days later Harry woke up earlier than usual to the sound of Niall’s voice. The blonde guy with the bright eyes was sitting on his mattress facing the wall and doing some strange movements with his upper body. The view made Harry laugh. Niall’s headphones were almost too big for his delicate head. He knew that his friend loved those headphones. They made him escape from the world, and from the fact that his roommate was asleep, it seemed. 

“She's livin’ la vida loca…” Niall had a lovely voice. Listening to it made Harry’s feel safe and home. He had real love for this friend of his. He’d die for Niall. At least if he didn’t kill him himself first. 

Harry slowly sat up and faced the world. The room was brightened by the sunlight and it seemed less awful than usual. Something had changed, not within the room, but within Harry. He just didn’t understand what. Not yet. 

He bent over his naked legs to grab the blanket which was curled up beneath his feet. Slowly he got up from the mattress. Always slowly. The dizziness occurred as expected, but it only lasted a brief second. With one corner of the blanket in each hand Harry listed towards the back of the singing blonde. Niall was so soaked up in his singing that Harry didn’t even have to try to be discreet. 

When Harry was right behind him he stretched out his arms and let go of the blanket. Harry let it surround his friend while he let himself fall onto the mattress behind Niall’s back and clutched his arms and legs around the guy who’d stopped singing. Harry was laughing hysterically, and Niall was using a lot of energy to get out of the blanket and Harry’s grip. 

“Harry!” Niall said when his head finally occurred, “You’re going to be the death of me!” He was also laughing. 

“Come here!” Niall managed to put an arm around Harry’s neck and shoulders. Harry let go of Niall’s body. He’d enjoyed being physically close to his friend. They were facing each other. 

Niall gave him a wondering look with sparkles, and asked, “Who is he, then?” Harry tried to laugh as if he’d no idea what he was talking about. Something that didn’t work out well. Not with Niall. He decided to try verbal innocence, “what are you talking about?” 

“Oh, come on! There’s no fooling me. I know a lovestrucked Harry Styles when I see one, and I’m looking right at one! Obviously, it’s not good ol’ Hamilton who’s making you feel this way.” Niall was laughing, but the reference to his customer made Harry uneasy. Louis was also a customer. Nothing, but a customer. 

“It’s nothing, really.” Harry said and felt his good mood slip away, but Niall wasn’t going to give up so easily. Harry knew that. He never gave up. 

“A customer?” The pitch in Niall’s voice let Harry know that he wasn’t pleased. “It’s complicated. You wouldn’t understand.” Harry said, and looked down at his legs. He sat crossed-legged only wearing a sweater and his underwear. His legs were hairy and he’d often thought about shaving them to please his customers, but he’d figured that it wouldn’t be worth it. He was gently pulling some small hairs at his right leg. 

“Try me.” Niall said, and seemed determined. Harry wanted to talk to Niall about Louis. He had wanted to since the first moment he’d seen the blue eyes. Now was the perfect timing, but he had a strange feeling. A feeling of being afraid - of what? He didn’t know. 

Harry looked right into Niall’s eyes. “He’s the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen, Niall. He so pure and proper. Perfect, I’d say.” He stopped to think, and looked at his friend. There was no change on his face, so Harry continued, “I met him the first night of the festival. He wasn’t looking for anything. He wasn’t even drunk. He just came up to me, and said he thought I was beautiful. We didn’t say much to each other, then he left… I couldn’t stop thinking about him after that.” Harry wasn’t able to interpret the look on Niall’s face. He was completely still. 

“A few days later I saw him again, and we went back here.” Harry couldn’t help but smile at the memories. Joy immediately spread throughout his body. “I swear, I’ve never had an orgasm with anyone before. It just happened. It felt, still feels, so natural... Fucking amazing. I’ve seen him three times in five days.” Harry didn’t want to hold back his smile. He wanted to show Niall which feelings Louis gave him. 

Niall was quiet for what seemed like forever. He was clearly going over what Harry said in his mind. “Hmm…” was Niall’s reaction, “What do you know about him? Other than he gives good orgasms.” Harry didn’t know much more than Louis had told him their first night together. He liked coffee and children. He used to work in a kinder garden, and he had many sisters. 

“Well, the basics.” Harry said looking back down at his legs. “And what are they?” Niall wanted to know. “He’s 27. A business man. He plays in a band which he’s invited me to come see some day. They play not too far from here actually.” Harry was trying to add some extra words. He realised that his feelings weren’t valid or reasonable, nevertheless they were there. They were real. He could feel them burn in his chest. 

Niall sighed. “Harry, do you even know if he’s married or at least single? Maybe he’s a criminal or a psychopath. You know nothing about him!” Then he led a hand to his forehead and let it slide into his blonde hair. This was the look of Niall giving up. Harry knew that. “And what about yourself? Do you seriously think a 27-year-old businessman wants a prostitute?” This time the sigh was deeper. “You’re a lovely guy, you are, and I love you, but this is stupid.” 

Niall seemed to be done now, and so was Harry. The lump was back in his throat after days of absence. He felt the sadness spread in his chest. Niall knew him too well and was now leaning against him, and putting his arms around him to comfort him. “I don’t want to see you get hurt, Haz.” He said and kissed Harry’s forehead, but it was too late for that. Harry wasn’t sure what he felt, but if he had been a person to cry he’d think he felt tears pressing in his eyes. 

“I can’t just change how I feel. He’s lovely. You’d approve of him if you met him.” That made Niall smile. “I wouldn’t mind meeting Prince Charming.” Harry’s chest felt lighter when Niall said that, until he added, “Does he pay you?” 

Harry closed his eyes, and hold his breath for a few seconds. “I did meet him in the street. We couldn’t know… I couldn’t know, I’d feel this way, Ni.” He then opened his eyes, and pulled a bit away from Niall to get a proper look at him. He was looking right into the bright eyes. “Don’t judge me.” There was silence between them. “Please.” Niall leaned in closer and laid another soft kiss on Harry’s forehead. “Would never dream of it.” He said. 

**** 

“Ohh, yes! YES! Just like that baby!” Harry found it more difficult than usual to stay focused with his customers. He found it even more difficult to seem at least somewhat sincere when it came to pretending that he was enjoying the intercourse. 

The back of his head was slightly banging against the hard brick wall with each thrust of the middle-aged man whose name Harry had forgotten. He was freezing and in pain. He just wanted it to be over as soon as possible so he could get back to his spot to wait for Louis. He didn’t know whether Louise would come around, but he was hoping he would. 

“Fuck yeah… You fuck me so well, daddy. Harder! Harder!” Harry tried to meet the stranger’s thrusts to speed up the process. He wanted to get it over with. In an act of pain from the hard thrusts Harry hit his knuckles against the cold wall above his head and felt blood running in between his fingers and down his arm. The man hold onto Harry’s hips harder and his thrusts became more violent. Suddenly he let out a strange a groan and collapsed. He let go of his tight grip, and Harry fell awkwardly onto the ground hitting his knee. 

The man didn’t say a word. He zipped up his jeans and walked away, not even looking at Harry. Harry didn’t care. He was just glad he’d already gotten his money. 

****  
As Harry approached his spot a dark figure was standing there. Joy was already overwhelming him. He could feel a smile spread on his lips and the now, somewhat, familiar warmth spread in his lower stomach. 

Louis was looking lovely. He was smiling friendly at Harry, but had a strange look on his face. Harry felt certain that he was judging him, how could he not? 

“Good evening, beautiful” Louise greeted, and touched Harry’s lips with this thumb. Harry could feel the warmth from his hand. Louis had a soft expression on his face. “I’m happy to see you. Been impatient all day.” Louis said and chuckled.   
“Hi.” Harry said and leaned in for a kiss. Louis lips were soft as usual. Harry was sure that he’d become an addict to the taste of Louis soon, if he wasn’t already. There was no kisser like him. Harry was sure he could kiss him for now on and the rest of his life without growing tired of it. The thought of him and Louis for the rest of his life made his heart melt in the middle of his chest. He could die of happiness from these thoughts. Then reality pulled him violently off from his pink cloud when he noticed how much his bleeding hand was hurting. 

Harry groaned from pain into Louis mouth, and Louis pull away immediately. “You okay?” The blue eyes were looking worried into Harry’s own eyes. “My hand’s just killing me.” Harry said and showed Louis his bleeding knuckles. 

“God, Harry! Did someone do that to you?” Louis asked and looked directly at him. Harry felt like the blue eyes were able to look right through him. See through all his lies and the walls he’d built around himself. 

“No… No, it was an accident. I hit my hand against a wall, but it still hurts like hell.” Harry said and looked back down at his hand. “Of course it does. You need to get that cleaned properly or it’ll be infected.” Louis said and looked around in search of something. “I’ll take you to the hospital… If I can remember where I left my car,” Louis gave him a smile. A lovely smile. 

“You don’t have to do that, Louis. I can walk or something.” Louis didn’t respond to that, but looked back at Harry with a caring look in his eyes. “Oh, Harry…” He said and kissed Harry’s lips once more before he reached for his healthy hand to hold, and then started walking towards his car.


	10. The joy of Childhood

When Harry entered the waiting room after his appointment with the doctor, Louis was talking to a woman. A beautiful woman with a lean body and long, brown hair. They were smiling and Harry felt jealousy appear in the back of his mind, when the woman kissed Louis’ cheek and walked away before they noticed Harry approach them. 

“Harry.” Louis gave him a smile when Harry stood in front of him. “How did it go?” He asked and looked at Harry’s bandage. “Well, it’s definitely clean now. God, it was painful! I probably sounded like a whining pig in there.” Harry tried to make a joke, and looked at Louis to find out whether he was successful or not. He seemed to be because the inviting lips formed a smile and laughed. They also laid a kiss on his forehead. 

Just as Harry felt Louis’ soft lips on his skin, he noticed how Louis’ entire body stiffened, and pull away immediately. He wanted to ask why, but he felt like it was none of his business. Harry decided that Louis was embarrassed by him. Kissing someone who looked like himself in a hospital didn’t seem appropriate. He understood. The lump was back in his throat. 

As they walked to Louis’ car, Harry wondered what would happen now. He was hoping that Louis would ask him to come home with him, but he’d never even mentioned it to Harry. Harry had no idea where or how he lived. He wasn’t welcome there, it seemed. He understood. 

Louis pressed the button on his keys to unlock the car and gently pushed Harry aside to open the door for him. It made Harry smile. Louis was a good guy. 

As they sat in the car Louis broke the silence, “what do you want to do now? Where do you want to go?” To your place, Harry thought, but he didn’t dare to say it out loud. He just looked out of the front window into another car. It was empty and dark. The parking lot was empty and dark, and the whole world seemed to be the same. 

“It’s up to you.” Harry said and looked into the blue eyes which had been looking at him all along. Louis’ eyes were peaceful. Harry wondered what they’ve seen throughout the 27 years they’d been a part of the world. He hoped they’d spared for all evil and nasty things there were to be spared for. 

“Let’s go have a cup of coffee somewhere. Or whatever you like to drink.” Louis said, and as if he’d read Harry’s mind, he added, “don’t worry about the money. It’s a business proposal.” He smiled and made Harry feel warm. 

****

“…So yeah, that’s how my mom and I used to steal sugar cubes from cafés like this one.” Harry smiled from the memory as he leaned back onto his chair. Louis was watching him with a calm expression on his face, smiling because of Harry’s childhood story. He was sitting still and in what looked like a comfortable position. 

“She was a good mom.” Harry said, and watched Louis wrinkle his brows. There was a moment of silence before Louis repeated, “was?”. Harry felt dumb that he forgotten that his mom was dead, or at least that it wasn’t common knowledge that she was. This wasn’t what he wanted to talk to Louis about. Not tonight, but he’d brought it onto himself. It was stupid. 

Harry leaned forward on the chair not sure what to do, but remembered he could reach for his cup so he didn’t look like a complete idiot. “My parents are dead.” He said shortly, and looked down into the cup like he wanted to see if there was anything left. He didn’t hear a reaction coming from Louis, so he looked up at the beautiful face. It was still calm, but the wrinkle between the brows was still there. 

“I’m so sorry, Harry.” Louis said sincerely. Harry appreciated that. He appreciated all of Louis. “It’s okay. It happened a long time ago.” Harry looked back into the cup. He felt a sudden urge to tell this incredible human being everything. He felt trust towards Louis. He also felt like he needed to share the burden with someone. The burden of being the reason why your parents are dead. Of course, he could only share that with someone who’d understand him, and in that moment, he felt certain that Louis would understand. 

“I came home from school one day.” Harry said, as he was still looking at his half-empty cup. “I was happy. I’d learned some silly song at school which I wanted to sing for my mom. I could hear my parents fight as I came inside. They usually didn’t do that, so I knew something was up.” Harry stopped to swallow the lump, but it only got bigger. His heart started beating faster. 

“When I entered the living room I saw my dad point a gun at my mom. She told me to leave. Begged me to, but I didn’t. I was so stupid... Such a stupid child.” His racing heart made him feel uneasy. He felt a sudden urge to run away. To run away from pain, but it’d be pointless. He knew it’d follow him wherever he went. He still wasn’t looking at Louis. “My dad looked me into the eyes as he shut my mom. Then he shut himself…” He swallowed the lump once more. “I never got to sing for her.” 

Harry closed his eyes for a moment. Trying to get himself together. He could hear Louis chair move. He’d gotten up and a few seconds later he was sitting down next to Harry putting an arm around his shoulders. He kissed Harry’s forehead and just like that Harry started crying for the first time in years. Louis sat completely still holding Harry while he was caressing his hear calmly. 

“It’s okay, Harry.” Louis said quietly into his curly hair, “it’s okay.” 

After a while Harry’d calmed down, and Louis offered him a napkin from the table. Harry couldn’t help but smile at Louis’ kindness. Harry was deeply embarrassed by himself. He’d lost it. 

Louis gave him a caring looked as he said, “I’m so sorry. That is tragic, Harry… But it’s not your fault. It never was, and it never will be.” He voice was low and sincere. Harry truly wished he could believe that. 

“You’re too kind to me.” Harry said and looked at Louis through his burning eyes. Louis didn’t answer, but laid his hand on Harry’s cheek and caressed it while offering Harry a comforting smile. 

After a while of silence and comforting, Louis asked, “do you mind if I ask what happened after that?” Louis looked at him with an expression Harry wasn’t familiar with. But he didn’t mind. The worst part was over. 

“We were sent to live with foster parents. My sister and I. We lived with two different families before we settled in alright with the third.” He looked at Louis’ thigh. “I moved out when I was 18. That’s when I met Johnny. The guy who owns me now.” 

Louis cleared his throat, and didn’t say anything for a while. They just sat there.

“What happened to your sister?” Louis broke the silence. “Gemma’s living somewhere in the northern part of the country. I don’t know. We don’t talk. We’d always been good siblings, and I loved her, but I blamed… Still blame, myself for what happened. She deserves a better bother than me.” Harry said, and looked at Louis. They were just looking at each other. Harry knew that Louis understood. 

“Please, tell me about your childhood. I think we’ve had enough of mine for the evening.” Harry said and tried to lighten up a little. He wanted to get to know Louis. 

Louis smiled and let out a deep sound at Harry’s comment on his own childhood. “Well.” He said and sipped some coffee before continuing. “I grew up in Doncaster. Nothing special really. My parents got divorced when I was a child, and I got close with my mom’s second husband. Took his surname and all. Went to a decent school, had a handful of close friends. Liam, my best friend, is one of them. He’s in my band. We spend a lot of time together.” Louis took another sip and look at Harry. Harry lost his breath for a moment. 

“I was quite keen on football back then. I still am, actually. I’m good at it, if I may say so. I played at a semi-professional team until I was your age. Then I broke my knee, and now I just play for the fun of it.” The football clearly lightened up Louis. His eyes were sparkling just by the mention of it. Harry enjoyed his story and the sound of his voice. Always so calm. 

“Are you interested in any sports?” Louis asked and took another sip. “Oh, I enjoy football as well, but it’s not like I’m any good at it.” Harry chuckled and continued, “I’m probably more into running and stuff like that.” Louis nodded his head, and said, “that’s what I thought.” They both laughed. 

“So, you’re still friends with this Liam? Must be amazing to have such an old friendship.” Harry said and wondered what it felt like to have such a close friend. Was it the same feeling he had with Niall? 

“It really is. I love him. I’ve absolutely no idea what to do without him.” Louis looked thoughtful as he said that. “You’ll meet him if you come hear us play sometime.” Harry wasn’t sure whether it was an invitation, a question or just a statement, so he decided to ask, “Is that an invitation?” Louis laughed. “Yes! Yes, it’s an invitation.” Harry smiled and enjoyed the warm feeling inside of him. “I’d love to come hear you play.” 

Louis smiled, and then Harry remembered. He cleared his throat. ”I have this friend, Niall. My best friend. He’d like to meet you.” Harry said and bit his lip. He took a gleam of Louis, not feeling sure how the blue eyes would react. Louis just smiled widely. “Oh, so you tell your friends about me, young Harry?” He was obviously amused, and Harry laughed. “He’s invited too. Let’s say next Saturday.” Louis smiled.


	11. The Bar

A few weeks went by. Louis had had to cancel the music date with Harry a few times because Liam had gotten quite sick and wasn’t able to play a few weeks in a row. Harry and Niall had been quite busy working, but Harry didn’t feel like mentioning his job to Louis, so he’d just said that it wasn’t a big deal since Niall had kept making other plans anyway. It was going to happen tonight though, and Harry was excited.

****

Harry was sitting on a rotten bench outside in the garden looking at the empty street in front of the house. The sun was shining, and unlike usual he enjoyed it. A sun beam hit his face and was playing in his eyelashes. 

It had been a month since he and Louis had met each other. He felt like that part of the month had passed too quickly. Working was becoming gradually harder and he detested  
it more than ever. He hated himself. He felt like he was letting Louis down, and even though Louis never mentioned how he felt about it, Harry knew he was disappointed in him. He could tell. Harry understood why. He’d be disappointed too. 

Other than that Harry thought things were good between Louis and himself. They were getting close to one another, as they both started opening up more. Not to mention the sex. It was mind blowing. Harry felt an, almost, shy smile spread across his face when recalling last night. Louis had been amazing. He always was. It was like he knew Harry’s body better than Harry did himself. 

Harry was hoping what they had would never end. He hoped it’d grow stronger, and eventually Louis would be comfortable with letting him in for real. Maybe even take him home. He still hadn’t, and Harry didn’t understand why. Louis had a subtle way of coming up with excuses for why they couldn’t go to his place, but usually he’d just acted like he didn’t have a home. He never mentioned his home. 

“Look who’s out in daylight!” A loud voice interrupted Harry’s thoughts. He wasn’t pleased when he turned his head and saw Johnny’s bald forehead. 

“Hi baby.” Johnny said and bent over Harry to lay a wet kiss on his forehead. His breath was a vicious mix of alcohol and cigarettes. Harry didn’t say a word. He had nothing to say to the man who was now sitting next to him. Too close to him. Harry stared straight ahead. 

“You mad at me?” Johnny laughed and touched Harry’s face with his sweaty hand. He was making fun of him, but Harry couldn’t care. He didn’t care. “Oh well, I take that as a yes. How nice. How about an excellent make up fuck?” Johnny said, and Harry turned his face to look at him. He felt certain that not a single feature was showing on his face. He just looked at the man. His large nose and dark eyes. His eyebrows were too big for his face, and Harry never liked the way the man looked. He thought he had once, but he knew he’d been fooling himself. 

“Come on, babe.” Johnny laughed and showed off his yellow teeth. He was already opening the zipper in his own trousers, and Harry looked around to see if there was anyone nearby. He knew he had to do it, so he got up from the bench and pulled down his skinny jeans as he watched Johnny put on a condom. 

Harry sat down on the dick in one go. He’d do anything to get it over with as soon as possible. He had one knee on each side of the man, and he felt the rotten wood stick into his skin. Johnny was holding him close, and made it almost impossible for Harry to move. The sun was shining on his back, and he felt warm. Too warm. 

Johnny was groaning under him, and just as he’d managed to pick up speed he felt nauseous. Harry hardly had time to react before he threw up all over the already disgusting man underneath him. 

“YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS SLUT!” Johnny shouted, and Harry felt a fist hit his right cheekbone next to his nose. It hit him so hard he fell off the bench. Blood was streaming from his nose. His head felt like it was exploding. He wasn’t going to cry. It wasn’t worth crying for. 

“Fuck you! You disgusting son for a bitch!” Johnny was now on his feet, and was free to kick Harry in the back. He did so a couple of times, but then stopped and left as fast as he's started. Harry laid motionless on the cold ground with sun playing in his eyelashes. 

****

“Fuck, love. This looks bad.” Naill said, and twisted the cloth in the blood-red water. “You should see a doctor.” The blonde had found him outside when he came home from grocery shopping. Niall had helped him inside, listened to his story, yelled all sorts of awful things about Johnny, and then comforted the curly-haired boy. 

“I don’t want to make a big deal out of it, Ni. Should’ve just controlled myself.” Harry said and looked up into the ceiling as Niall dabbed the cloth under his eye. “Can’t really control vomit, love.” Niall laughed and took a proper look at his friend. “You sure you don’t want to see a doctor?” He asked. “I’m positively sure. Still wanna go to the concert though.” Harry said and gave Niall an intense look. “Yeah, yeah. If you feel well enough to go, we will. How’s the nausea?” – “It’s gone” Harry said, and was looking forward to seing Louis. 

**** 

“What the hell happened to you?” Louis exclaimed as soon as he saw Harry in the crowded bar. “Who did this to you?” Louis said with the famous wrinkle between his brows as he slightly touched Harry’s bruised face. 

“Hi, Lou. I’m glad to see you too.” Harry said trying to avoid the questions. Louis smiled. “Hi beautiful.” He gave Harry a fast kiss, before looking at him with the wrinkle between his brows. 

“Nothing happened. Will you please let it go?” Harry said and looked at Louis. Harry was glad Niall interrupted, clearly not pleased by the lack of attention. “Hi. I’m Niall. Harry’s friend. Harry puked on Johnny, the pimp. Clearly that was a bad idea!” Niall said half joking while reaching for Louis hand to shake. Louis looked at Niall like he was surprised by the friend’s presence. “Hello Niall. I’m glad you could come.” Was all Niall got, before Louis gave his attention back to Harry. Niall sighed loudly. 

“So he did this?” The wrinkle was back between the brows. “Yes, but please forget about it. Niall helped, and it’s all good now.” – “It’s not good, Harry.” Louis said harshly. Harry figured it wasn’t aimed at him, but he couldn’t help that it made him feel uneasy. He’d never seen Louis like this before. Louis was always calm. 

“You’re sick too?” He asked a bit more softly. “It was just nausea. It’s gone now.” Harry said and tried to smile like he meant it. Louis looked intensively at him before paying attention to Niall again. 

“I’m sorry, Niall. I was a bit shocked.” Louis seemed to be back to his normal self, and smiled his wonderful smile which made Harry melt. “I am truly glad you could come.” And that seemed to be enough of an apology to the blonde, who started talking about how much he’d been looking forward to going out with Harry and meeting Louis. 

While they were talking, Harry looked around. The bar was small, but full of life. It had a nice vibe to it. Dark tree was covering the walls and most of the fixtures. All sorts of pictures, signs and medals were hanging on the walls and telling stories about the place. 

Harry's thoughts were interrupted when a tall guy appeared behind Louis. He was broad, but fit, had a bit of a beard and looked well-groomed with his dark hair calmed away from his face. He looked mature, Harry thought. He gave Harry a smile, and said “Hello.” Which was meant for all three of them to hear. 

“Oh Liam, good to see you mate.” Louis turned around and hugged the man in a real buddy-manner. It made Harry smile. “This is Harry and his friend Niall.”

“Ouch!” Was Liam’s first reaction as he offered his hand to Harry and gave him a wide smile. Harry laughed, and then said, “Hey, I’ve heard a lot about you.” He shook the tall guy’s hand. “Oh, you’ve no idea what I’ve heard about you.” Liam laughed. Harry just smiled. 

****  
Time went by fast after they’d all been introduced. Louis had fixed up good seats for Harry and Niall in the front of the small stage. It was time for Louis and his band, Ocean of You, to perform. Harry was excited. He’d never heard Louis sing before, but he’d gotten a feeling that the blue eyes would blow his mind like they always did. 

As the band got on the stage people cheered and clapped their hands. Harry’s head didn’t like the loud noises, but he wasn’t going to let it ruin his night. He wanted this night to be good. 

Louis sat in the front of the stage on a small chair with a guitar in his lap and a microphone in front of his lips. He looked beautiful. Harry forgot to breath at the sight of the Louis. The light was sparkling in his dark hair and his face looked peaceful and happy. It made Harry happy. 

Liam was seated in the back of the stage behind the drums, and a few other guys were taking care of the other instruments. Louis had told Harry that they produced the music and songs themselves. He’d been quite impressed. 

The audience quite down as Louis started to speak. “Good evening everybody! We’re extremely happy to see you all tonight. It’s always an honour to play here at Rob’s bar for some familiar and unfamiliar faces. Thank you all for showing up.” Louis smiled widely. “This first song is one I’ve written not long ago. It’s for the most lovely and brave person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.” Louis turned his head and looked straight into Harry eyes. Harry stopped breathing. 

Then the music started playing.

****

When the music stopped and the small concert was over the audience went crazy. Harry felt like his head could fall off any second. He felt as if someone was torturing him with a hammer from the inside of his head, but he was still determined not to let it ruin anything. 

The band had been amazing. The music was great, and so was Louis. Harry felt embarrassed that he’d had tears in eyes when Louis dedicated the first song to him. It was a song full of emotions. Louis liked him. Harry was certain of that. 

After Louis, and the rest of the band, were done talking to the people who had crowded in front of the stage, they went straight to Harry and Niall. At least Louis and Liam did. Louis didn’t say a word, but went straight up to Harry. Placed a warm hand on each of his cheeks and kiss him passionately. Harry could feel his knees get soft. Louis sucked his lower lip gently, and when he let go of it he let the tip of his tongue play with Harry’s upper lip. He smiled and then begged for entrance. Harry lived for Louis kisses, his lips and the taste of him. He could never get enough. 

“Get a room!” Niall interrupted with his head surprisingly close to the scene of passion. Louis pulled away slowly, and smirked at Harry. Harry knew exactly what that meant. “I’m getting us something to drink, and you’re coming along Mr Demanding.” Louis said and put a hand on Niall’s shoulder. 

Harry watched them head to the bar, as he wondered what Niall would have to say about Louis after this. He wasn’t sure that the blonde was convinced by Louis’ sincerity yet. He hoped he would be. It would mean a lot to him. 

“So, you and Louis, huh?” Harry had completely forgotten about Liam. The tall guy was standing behind him. Harry felt rude that he’d just been standing there without talking to him. “Yeah… I suppose.” Harry said and offered a friendly smile. Liam seemed to accept it by smiling back. 

“Lou is a great guy. I care about him a lot, and I want him to be happy. I’m just a little worried when he starts playing at these sorts of things. And don’t get me wrong, you seem like a really great guy, Harry… It’s just… You know. I don’t want him to screw up. I believe there are more proper and better ways to do these kinds of things. I keep trying to tell him that, and I hope you agree with me.” 

Harry didn’t understand. He just stood there feeling slightly paralyzed by what he didn’t know. Liam was looking intensively at him. Searching every feature on his face, like he was looking for something. Some answer. Harry knew the older guy wouldn’t find one. 

“I’m not sure what to agree on, exactly?” Harry said, and looked at Liam’s nose. “He hasn’t told you?” Liam looked worried. He was tightening his jaws as he kept looking intensively at Harry. “Told me what?” 

“BACK!” Niall exclaimed and dumped into Harry. “Harrold, love. One beer for you!” Niall smiled and offered Harry the beer. He took it, and felt like he needed it. Louis was talking to some blonde woman who’d stopped him on his way back to Harry and the others. Harry couldn’t take his eyes off the woman. What hadn’t Louis told him? 

****

“Louis… Lou, Lou, Lou… Look… at… me!” Harry was wiggling his hips in some way he thought made him sexy, while pulling his t-shirt over his head. Louis was laughing loudly in the bed. “I am looking, sexy! You’re drunk.” He kept laughing as he was pulling his underwear down. 

“I’m drunk…” Harry said repeating Louis, as he crawled on top of the beautiful man in the hotel bed. “But that doesn’t change the fact…” Harry leaned down to lay a kiss on Louis’ lips. “That I want you…” He kissed Louis’ sharp jaw. “ To fill me up so good.” He whispered into Louis ear. 

Louis reaction was immediate. His hands slid down Harry’s back and grabbed his ass tightly. He caught Harry’s lips in a kiss which made Harry feel like he’d never been kissed properly before. While kissing, Harry let his hand slid down Louis’ chest and to his nipple to caress it, before the hand continued its journey down Louis’ amazing body. 

Harry found his lover’s pulsing dick resting on the stomach ready to take action at any time. When Harry let his thumb slid over the head, which was already leaking pre-cum, Louis let out a deep noise into Harry’s mouth. Harry felt proud. 

After Harry had stroked Louis’ hard dick a few time, the older guy let his fingers find the way to Harry’s intimacy. Harry pushed back at the playful hand to make it clear how much he wanted it. He wanted Louis. He never wanted it to stop. 

Harry cried out from pleasure when he felt the first finger slide into him. “So keen on me tonight, babe… So ready for me.” Louis said in between kissing and trying to catch his breath. “Want more, Lou.” Harry moaned into Louis' ear as he gave the beautiful man's throbbing dick a hard stroke. Louis made another deep sound, and let Harry have a second finger. 

“More.” Harry begged as Louis found his sensitive spot. Harry could feel the tip of Louis’ fingers brush over his prostate over and over, and it only made Harry go crazy. He needed Louis’ length and thickness inside of him. No one could ever please him like Louis did. 

“Fuck me… Please, fuck me.” Harry said and let go of Louis’ soft lips and pulsing dick. Louis eyes had another kind of sparkle to them when he was aroused. They seemed darker. Deeper. 

Louis sat up slowly, and looked into Harry’s eyes. “You’re so beautiful.” He said, and then grabbed Harry’s hips softly to lift him up and guide his dick to Harry’s ring. Harry felt relieved when he felt the pressure. 

He kept looking into Louis’ eyes as he sat down slowly, taking every inch of the man. When he was all the way down he sat still for a moment. They just looked at each other. Harry didn’t have any thoughts. He just looked back into the blue eyes. The blue eyes which always looked softly at him. 

With Louis’ hands placed on his hips Harry started moving slowly. Sliding up and down. His arms were resting around Louis’ neck. He leaned in to kiss the blue-eyed beauty. Louis welcomed his kiss and embraced him, as the both started moaning into the kiss.


	12. Are you okay?

The next morning Harry woke up at dawn feeling nauseous. He got out of bed so fast that the dizziness took him to the ground. As he laid on the floor, he felt vomit travel up his oesophagus, and in a moment of panic he managed to reach out for a bin he saw out of the corner of his eye. 

“Harry?” Louis’ voice sounded off. Harry hadn’t had the time to wake up and notice that they were still at the hotel. Together. 

“Are you sick again?” Harry could tell that Louis was getting out of bed, and that his voice was worried. “It’s just the alcohol.” Harry said and looked at Louis who was sitting down next to him on the cool floor. “I don’t think you drank that much.” Louis said and removed a curl from Harry’s face. Harry knew he was right, but he couldn’t be sick. Not now. 

“Are you okay?” Louis stroked his cheek gently. “Yeah… I think so.” Harry said and rested his head on the lovely man’s shoulder. They sat like that for a while without saying a word to each other. All Harry could hear was a mix of his own and Louis’ breathings and the air-conditioning. 

“Get into bed. I’ll get you some water.” Louis said softly, and kissed his forehead under the curly hair before he got up and went to the bathroom. 

Harry did as he was told. When he got in the bed, he realised that he was still naked after last night. The night had been special. Something special had happened between them. Harry couldn’t figure out what it was. Right now, he didn’t understand. 

“Drink this.” Louis offered Harry a glass of water, and as he sat up to drink it the older man crawled over his legs with a smile on his face, and laid down beside him. 

Harry laid back down carefully. When he was comfortable Louis embraced him. “You’re very warm. Are you sure you feel okay?” Louis was still worried. Harry let out a sigh and turned over to face the beautiful man. Louis was lovely. 

“I feel just fine, Lou.” Harry said and looked at the dark hair in front of him. He felt an urge to touch that hair, so he reached for it. Louis’ hair was always messy after he’d been sleeping. Harry thought that was nice. It made him feel more equal to Louis when he was messy. Harry was always messy. 

Louis smiled and a sudden darkness appeared in his eyes. The smile changed into something else, as Louis said, “You’re so sexy, Harry. It’s driving me insane. I could fuck you all day, every day and never get enough.” Harry let out a giggle, and felt like the blush spread from his face to his neck and all the way down to his toes. “Oh, really?” He said and moved closer to Louis’ well-known body. 

****

“I’m not happy about dropping you off here.” Louis said as he pulled over to the sidewalk. It was around lunchtime, and Harry felt more hungry than usual. After he and Louis had had incredible sex in the morning, Louis had ordered breakfast for them, but Harry hadn’t been able to eat anything. Just the sight of food had made him feel sick. He was hoping that his body would feel better about it now that he was hungry. 

“This is my home. I have nowhere else to go.” Harry said and looked at Louis’ defined face. He wondered if he’d offered him to stay at his place, but he didn’t. Instead Louis said, “I really think you should leave this place. I don’t like thinking about you living here with that bastard around. You put yourself in danger. I don’t want you to get hurt.” Louis was sincere once again.

“Where am I supposed to go, Louis? This is my life.” Harry said harshly. He hadn’t meant for it to come out like that. Why wouldn’t Louis take him home? “I’m a hooker and I live in a rotten house. You knew that from the beginning.” 

Louis’ expression changed. The softness disappeared. An unfamiliar expression replaced it. “Harry, that’s not what I meant. You know that. I don’t think that’s what you are. Don’t twist my words.” Louis’ stare cut like daggers into Harry’s mind. 

“Oh really? That’s not what you think?” Harry raised his voice a little, but tried to keep it cool. He didn’t want to make a scene. He didn’t want to change Louis’ opinion about him, but the lump was suffocating him and his heart was pounding hard in his chest. 

“Well, that explains why you need to keep me away from your life. Away from your comfort zone, because I’m such a fucking catch that you have to be careful I won’t run off the second I get to know you properly!” For a moment, they sat still staring at each other. Then Louis swallow hard. 

“I refuse to discuss this with you in a car, Harry. You’re sick and probably tired too. You should go get some rest.” There was no familiar softness in Louis’ voice. Harry was a stranger to this side of Louis. He was a stranger to the this feeling of insecurity towards the man. 

“Goodbye.” Harry said, as he turned to open the door and get out of the car. The lump in his throat was hurting. His jaws here tightening and he felt like he was out of control of his body. His legs felt strange. 

When he opened the door a wall of freezing air hit him in the face. He turned around as he was about to slam the car door. Louis wasn’t looking at him. He was staring straight ahead with a stiff expression on his face. Harry slammed the door, and started to walk away on his shaking legs. He’d taken a few steps when Louis sped up and drove away. 

****  
Harry had tried to make the pork sandwich look as appetising as possible, but making it had been a challenge. He felt nauseous from the smell of it, but he had managed to keep it down. Now he was sitting on a chair in the worn-out kitchen trying to make himself believe that it was a good idea to eat something. A good idea to eat the sandwich. 

When he didn’t feel sick because of the sandwich, his heart was hurting. It was either food or Louis. Both things seemed equally awful to think about. Harry kept recalling Louis’ face. How the blue eyes hadn’t wanted to look at him as he left. 

Harry felt numb all over his body. He was tired. A profound feeling of discouragement had taken over his mind. He was tired of living. Tired of how things never worked out for him. He’d imagined him and Louis happy together. Even growing old together. As Harry once again looked at the pork in the bread, he realised he’d fooled himself. 

He grabbed the sandwich with both hands and led it to his mouth. If he held his breath while taking a bite, he wouldn’t be able to smell it. The smell was the worst part. And so, he did hold his breath and managed to eat half of the sandwich before feeling nauseous again. 

Harry dropped the sandwich, and ran to the bathroom. He was pleased that nobody was in there. He made it to the toilet in time before the sandwich made its way back up. 

He hung over the bowl feeling worse than he had for a while. The tiles were cold and hard underneath his knees, and the toilet’s smell was vicious. 

“Styles, Styles, Styles…” Harry recognised the voice immediately, and emptied his stomach once more while the voice was laughing cynically behind him. “I’ve heard you’ve been sick. Didn’t believe the story at first, but then again. You are truly an excuse for yourself.” Zayn’s said contemptuously as he got closer. Harry looked into the bowl before reaching up for the flush. 

“What do you want?” Harry said looking up into Zayn’s black eyes. The eyes were sparkling in a way Harry didn’t think was possible. He wasn’t familiar with Zayn’s face. He wasn’t familiar with Zayn. He’d always hated Harry, and Harry didn’t understand why. 

“Oh, what I always do, you idiot. Make your life a living hell, but I see you’re already doing the job for me.” His laugh was cynical once again. “That must have been painful.” He continued and looked at Harry’s bruised face. “I hope it was.” The dark figure turned around and left the bathroom. It took forever before he was gone. 

****  
“I’ll cover up for you tonight, love. Don’t go out there feeling like this.” Niall was sitting next to Harry on the mattress. Harry didn’t want to go to the spot. He still felt sick, but he couldn’t do that to his friend, and he couldn’t miss out on Louis if he came around. 

Maybe he could apologise. Harry knew he would if he saw Louis tonight. He’d been planning on what to say all day. He was sorry. He didn’t want the blue eyes to look at him the way they had. The lump came back in his throat each time he thought about the look on Louis’ face. 

“I have to, Ni.” Harry answered and turned his head lazily to look at his friend. “You know how I feel about that, and I want to be there if Louis comes to see me.” Niall sighed. “You’ve just spent a whole night with him. I’m sure he’ll understand.” Harry looked straight ahead without knowing what he was looking at. “We had a quarrel this morning.” He could feel Niall’s eyes on him. “About what?” 

“I’m not sure. About our relationship… Or whatever it is… Was.” Harry held his breath, and hated the lump which was constantly suffocating him. “He told me to leave this place, but to go where? I asked him that. I’ve nowhere to go. I don’t understand why he wants to show me off to his friends and bring me to his concerts and all that, when he’s so fucking secretive about his everyday life and his home. I don’t understand why he won’t open up.” 

“Maybe he’s afraid.” Niall said surprising Harry with his reaction. Harry looked into the bright blue eyes. “Of what?” He wondered. “Of what’s happening between the two of you. I believe he’s a great guy, love. He showed us that at the bar, but you have to remember that your life isn’t ordinary. He has to find a way to deal with it, and I’m sure that isn’t easy.” Niall took a moment to think before adding, “he doesn’t want to get hurt either.” 

Harry didn’t have an answer for that. He just sat still looking at Niall, while thinking about his words. “Give him a chance. And while you do that, stay home and get better before you go back out there. I’ll take care of it.” Niall said and leaned over to kiss his cheek.


	13. Oh, love

The nausea was stronger than Harry’s faith in life even before he opened his eyes. He had had a decent night’s sleep and was still lying on the hard mattress when he woke up. 

Harry sat up slowly and reached for the bowl he’d placed next to the mattress. He placed the bowl between his thighs and waited for the vomit to travel up his oesophagus. 

Harry was so used to the procedure that he didn’t spend energy on feeling sorry for himself. Instead he reminded himself that he hadn’t seen Louis since their disagreement in the car a month ago. Harry had stayed home for a couple of days because of the nausea, and Niall had promised to work from his usual spot to tell Louis that Harry was sick at home, if he came around. He didn’t, and Harry hadn’t seen him when he went back into the street. 

Harry felt disheartened because of Louis’ absence. Sometimes it felt like they never happened. A characteristic pain had been spreading in his chest, and each time he thought about Louis the pain got worse. Sometimes it felt like it made him unable to breath. 

His stomach started hurting more, and Harry bent over to throw up into the bowl between his legs. He didn’t want to wake up Niall, which he sometimes managed not to, but it was difficult to control the noises he was making. Today he didn’t succeed. 

“For the love of God, Harry…” Niall growled as he moved on the other mattress. Harry sat up straight and wiped of the corners of his mouth with the back of his band. He looked in Niall’s direction, and got a glimpse of his friend who was sitting up in the darkness. 

“You need any help?” Niall asked into the room. Harry didn’t want to boss the blonde around, so he decided he didn’t need anything. “I’m fine. You can go back to sleep. It’s probably early.” Harry said and noticed the awful taste of vomit as his mouth formed the words. He could hear that Niall laid back down. 

He put the bowl aside and moved onto his knees so he could get up. Slowly Harry rose to his feet without getting dizzy. He was certain that he couldn’t handle the nausea and the dizziness at the same time. He bent down, took the bowl and slowly headed to the bathroom. 

Harry listed through the corridor as slowly as he could afraid of waking up the others. The sharp light was on in the kitchen and in the bathroom. Harry’s eyes had grown accustomed to the darkness and were hurting from the light. 

He emptied the bowl in the toilet and went standing in front of the mirror. He looked as worn-out as he used to. His cheekbones looked sharp in his face. He’d lost weight from being sick. Harry felt worse at the sight of himself. He was tired of everything. Tired of living. 

He took his eyes off himself and looked around for his toothbrush. As Harry put on toothpaste he wondered what could be wrong with him. Clearly he wasn’t hungover any longer. He had hardly eaten anything for two weeks so bad food couldn’t be the reason either. Maybe it was the house. Maybe the house was riddled with mould. Harry had heard that one could get very sick from that, but the others weren’t sick. 

When Harry looked in the mirror, he saw his blonde friend standing in the door. His arms were crossed, and his face looked tired and expressionless. His stare was stiff and Harry was certain that he saw blame in the blue eyes. Without a word Niall stepped away from the door, closed it and took a few steps closer to Harry. 

“Here.” He said and reached for Harry’s hair. He was looking into Niall’s bright eyes as his friend gently made a bun in the curly, long hair. 

“You look different. You look sick.” Niall said with a low voice. Harry could tell that he was worried. “I know.” Harry sighed and looked down at his bare feet. They were cold. 

“Will you please go to the doctor? I’ll come with you, if you want me to. I’ll even make the appointment for you.” Harry shrugged. 

****

Harry felt better later in the day. He’d eaten some dry bread and had been able to keep it down. He and Niall was still sitting at the kitchen table. The lovely blonde had managed to borrow a phone from one of the others, so he could make a doctor appointment for Harry. 

Harry watched as his friend tapped the number for the doctor on the screen and held the phone up in front of his ear. Harry had never liked talking on the phone. He hated that he couldn’t see the person he was talking to, and he felt uneasy imagining how he could forget what to say or trip over his tongue. Niall was easygoing, and he never seemed to be bothered by thoughts like that. Harry envied him from time to time. 

“Yes, hello? This is Niall Horan. I’m calling on the behalf of my friend, Harry Styles. He’s a patient of yours.” Niall took a deep breath while he was listening to the voice on the phone. “Yes, Harry Edward Styles. He’s been quite sick lately. For about a month.” Niall kept quiet again, and then continued. “It’s nausea. He can’t seem to keep any food down, and he wakes up feeling nauseous. It gets better throughout the day, though.” The voice said something and Niall’s respond was a smile followed by, “Thank you very much. He’ll be there.” 

Niall hung up and looked at Harry. “Today. 4pm.” Harry tried to swallow the lump. 

****

At 4pm Harry and Niall was sitting in a waiting room at the same hospital Louis’ had taken Harry to a month ago, and that was all Harry could think about. The pain in his chest was strong as he imagined Louis’ beautiful smile and caring eyes. How he’d insisted on taking Harry to the hospital to get a look at his hand, and how they’d went to the café and had the talk. Harry remembered that part of the night with warmth in his chest. Warmth and pain. It had been a wonderful evening. 

“Harry Styles.” A woman with a wide smile and a lean body was standing in front of him. She was wearing the characteristic doctor attire, and she looked beautiful with her long, dark hair. Harry knew he’d seen her before, but he couldn’t remember where or when. 

“Yes. That’s me.” He stood up and his friend followed. Harry smiled at the doctor, and followed her through the corridor to her consultation. She stopped at the door and let Harry and Niall pass as she closed the door behind them. 

“Hello, Harry. My name is Eleanor Calder.” She smiled another wide smile and offered Harry her hand. He shook it and said, “This is my friend Niall.” The doctor smiled at Niall and shook his hand as well. Then she turned around and sat down behind the office table. 

As soon as the patient and his blonde friend got seated, the doctor went straight to the point. “So, Harry. You’ve been sick lately? Can you describe the nausea?” Harry scratched his nose and move on the chair. “Yes. It’s mostly there in the mornings or when I eat. I don’t even have to eat, just the smell of food is enough. I’ve been throwing up a lot and hardly eating, so I’ve lost weight.” 

Harry felt like he had to explain his bad condition. He was glad that some of his clothes had been clean, so he didn’t have to feel bad about how he looked. Glad that he didn’t have to feel disgusting. He’d managed to find a green shirt with tropical flowers printed on it and some black skinny jeans. Niall had put his hair into a bun. 

The doctor nodded her head, and wrote something on the laptop. “Okay, has your body felt strange in any other ways?” Harry looked at the ceiling. It was as white as the rest of the room. “I’ve been more tired than usual… And I’ve had strong headaches.” 

“Can I add something?” Niall said and looked at Harry. “Yes, of course.” The doctor said kindly. “He’s been moody. Bloody moody, but I suppose it makes sense since he’s been sick.” Niall said and patted Harry’s shoulder gently. 

The doctor smiled, and Harry felt like she wasn’t judging him. It was nice. “I have to ask you some personal questions, Harry. Do you mind your friend’s presence?” Harry felt uneasy as soon as she said “personal questions”. He didn’t feel like answering personal questions. “I don’t.” 

She smiled again and said bluntly, “do you have sex with other men?” Harry almost fell off the chair. He didn’t understand why that was important. He cleared his throat. “Yes. I do.” He dared to look at the doctor named Eleanor. She looked understanding, and gave him a friendly smile. 

“When was the last time you had unprotected sex?” Harry swallowed hard. “Like two months ago.” She nodded, and moved her chair to get up. 

“Okay, Harry. I’d like you to do a urine sample.” She opened a drawer and found a small transparent plastic cup. “You urinate into the toilet, and then fill the cup till here.” She pointed at the cup, and then looked at Harry. “The toilet is on your right down the corridor. Please, come back in here when you’re done.” She gave him a wide smile. 

****

The room had been silent since Doctor Eleanor left with Harry’s sample. Niall was clearing his throat now and then as he was looking out of the window. Harry felt unable to move. All he could think about was death. He thought about AIDS, and how he’d seen pictures of people getting sick and dying with the black marks all over their skin. He couldn’t think of any other reason for her to ask about his sex life.

Harry could hear heels walking fast down the corridor and a few seconds later the door was opened. The doctor smiled, and Harry felt calm immediately. She wouldn’t smile if he was dying. He was sure of that. She sat down, and looked directly at Harry. 

“It was what I thought, Harry. You’ve got no reason to worried about your health. At least on at the moment.” Niall breathed a sigh of relief and smiled when Harry looked at him. He’d been worried. Harry was still worried. “What is it then?” He asked, and looked back at the doctor. 

“It seems like you’re pregnant, Harry.” The dark-haired woman smiled, but Harry didn’t find the joke funny. He gave her a short smile and raised his brows. 

“Listen, doctor. Eleanor. I’m sure that’s a very funny doctor-joke, but I can’t help feeling a little worried. Will you please tell me, what’s wrong with me?” Niall nodded his head. “I know for a fact that I’m not pregnant. I happen to be a guy.” Harry added and reached for the bun on top of his head. 

“Male pregnancy isn’t uncommon anymore, Harry.” Her voice was strict. “I have many pregnant patients who are men. It has to do with the environmental change. The changes of how we live, and how society has changed. It seems like the male body is adjusting to the lack of necessity of the man.” The doctor had a serious look on her face. “Men get pregnant. You are pregnant.” 

Then it became quiet. Harry felt like his head was empty. He looked at the doctor, but found no comfort in her. His body was heavy. It felt like the chair had made him its prisoner. When he turned his head to look at his blue-eyed friend, his neck felt locked. His friend looked like he still thought it was a bad joke. His facial expressions kept changing, and Harry found no comfort in him either. 

“I understand that his can be shocking news, but it’s a fact. I can offer you a scanning, so that you’ll be able to see the foetus. That way it might seem more real and palpable.” Harry looked at the woman. He didn’t understand. A baby. Inside of him. He nodded. 

****

“This is your baby.” The doctor smiled and pointed at the black and white picture on the screen. “Oh…” Was all Harry could come up with. 

He felt warmth spread in his chest when he understood what he was looking at. It didn’t look much like anything, but it was his baby. Niall squeezed his head and let his thumb caress the back of Harry’s cold hand. 

The doctor moved the stick around on his stomach. “It seems like you’re about 7 weeks along.” Her smile seemed to be for herself. “And this…” The kind woman reached over Harry’s shoulder and pressed a green button. “Is the baby’s heartbeat.” 

A low, pounding sound was filling the room. It was faster than a normal heartbeat, but Harry could tell that it was strong. A strong heartbeat. A new kind of lump had appeared in his throat, but he didn’t feel desperate to make it disappear. 

“Oh, love…” Niall’s voice quivered as he got eye contact with the curly-haired boy. Harry could tell that his eyes were blank, and he felt certain that his own eyes were the same. Harry felt a sudden urge to smile. A wide smile spread on his face. The smile turned into a laugh. A hearty laugh. He was going to be a parent.


	14. Rainy day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your comments. I appreciate them, so please keep letting me know what you think.
> 
> Enjoy!

* Hello Harry. I hope you’re feeling well, and that you’re getting used to the exciting news. I want to invite you to a group meeting I’m having for those of my patients who are male and pregnant. It’s this Thursday at 7.30PM. Feel free to bring your partner. Eleanor Calder, The Central Hospital. *

Niall had bought an old phone for Harry because he wanted to make sure that his friend would be able to get in touch with him when he needed it. That was what the blond had told him, but Harry knew him better than that. Niall was worried about him going to work. He wanted to make sure he could get in touch with Harry at any time. 

Harry was also worried, but he had no choice. He knew he’d have to come up with another plan soon. He had to run away. Run somewhere, and he had to take Niall with him. They had agreed on saving all their spare money for the run. For the same reason, Niall was never at home. He was working night and day. Harry was worried about him, and he felt awful about putting his friend in that situation. 

Harry himself only worked at night, and he tried to talk every customer he had into wanting oral sex or something similar. Usually he succeeded. When he didn’t he was even more disgusted by himself, and blamed himself for doing that to his unborn child. Niall tried to comfort him, but there was nothing that could take the hate he had for himself away. 

Harry looked at the phone, and read the text again. "Feel free to bring your partner". Louis. Harry knew the blue-eyed beauty was the father of his child, but he still hadn’t seen any signs of the man. It was over. 

When he didn’t think about his baby, he thought about its father. He wanted to tell Louis, but he had no idea how or where to find him. He didn’t know where he lived, worked or anything else. He imagined how Louis’ face would lighten up by the news, and how he’d lay his hand on Harry’s stomach and bend down to kiss it. 

“Hey daddy.” Niall laughed and bent down to sit next to the curly-haired boy on the mattress. The smell of sweet female perfume on his friend almost suffocated Harry. He felt his stomach turn, and tried hard to keep it cool. He couldn’t treat his best friend like that. He was thankful that he was a part of his life and there to help. 

“What are you thinking about?” Niall asked and gently bumped against Harry’s shoulder. “Louis.” Harry said and looked at the black phone in his hands. 

“Do you think he’s the father?” Niall kept his voice low. Making sure no one would be able to overhear the conversation. "I know he is.” Harry sighed and rested his head on his friend’s shoulder. Niall nodded. “Will you tell him?”. 

Harry looked at the messy hall behind the empty doorframe. “How could I? I don’t know where he is.” Niall moved a bit. “But you know where he plays his music, don’t you?” Harry hadn’t thought about that. His shoulders felt many pounds lighter immediately. He sat up straight, looked at his friend and gave him a kiss before he smiled. 

**** 

Though the rain was pouring down Harry was in no hurry. He carefully placed one foot in front of the other, and tried to look up, to see people pass him in a hurry. It was difficult to see anything when the water hit his face, and blurred the whole world. He was glad that he’d found an old hoodie laying around the house, and that he had been able to fit it underneath his jacket. 

He felt a vulnerable kind of happiness in his chest, as he got closer to the library. He was going to read books about babies, birth and parenting. Harry was determined that he wanted to be a good parent. 

****

The air was dry inside the library, and the smell of old books sent Harry back to his childhood. He could see himself holding his mother’s hand as they walked up and down the bookshelves and hear her voice, when she read the titles on the books out loud. He smiled, and let the back of his hand slide over his wet forehead. 

He hadn’t been to the library since he was a child. Harry looked around and suddenly felt discouraged by the sight of the thusands of books. Some higher power must had felt that, because an older woman with white hair appeared behind one of the bookshelves. “Can I help you?” Her smile was warm and patient, and Harry felt better right away. 

“Yes, please… My sister’s sick and in bed. Pregnant. She’d like to read something about what’s happening to her.” Harry wiped his forehead again. “You know, because of the pregnancy.” He knew he was a terrible liar, but he did it anyway. He lied to others, and to himself. He had to. 

The librarian smiled understandingly and nodded her head. “This way, my friend.” She turned around and walked surprisingly fast towards a point between the bookshelves she seemed to know very well. 

As they walked pass hundreds of books, Harry thought about how many hours of work each book contained, and how many hours of life the whole library consisted off. He couldn’t imagine how much time that was. He thought about how much time that had passed in the world, and how much time there was left. It seemed infinite. 

“This is the pregnancy section.” The old lady had stopped, and Harry almost bumped into her lost in his own mind. He smiled and thanked her. She smiled back and looked at the books. “Do you need anything special?” He needed something on male birth, but he couldn’t tell her that. “I think I’ll just look around.” And she smiled once more before leaving him alone. 

Never in a million years had Harry imagined that there were so many books on pregnancy. He had no idea what was important to know and what wasn’t. 

“Edward?” A deep voice said behind him. Harry looked to his left and kept reading the titles. He felt lost between the shelves. "Is that you?” The voice said, before Harry realised it was talking to him. 

When he turned around he felt his heart somersault. He stopped breathing and wished he could turn back to his shelf and pretend that he was deaf and blind. 

A smile appeared on the face as the mouth said, “so it is you. I thought I recognised you.” Hamilton was dressed as formally as usual. Harry hadn’t seen him for a few months, and he wasn’t sorry about that. “Yeah, it is me. Sorry, I didn’t react at first. I was soaked up in finding the right book.” Harry tried to smile. 

“It can be difficult.” Hamilton said, and looked at the books Harry was holding. Harry felt like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. When Hamilton realised what the books were about he looked up at Harry with a strange look of sympathy. 

“My wife and I are having our third.” He said trying to clear the air, but without success. Harry nodded and looked at the man’s shiny shoes. "Well, I’m having my first.” He said sarcastically. Hamilton looked at him with no expression on his face, but Harry knew he was judging him. He was prepared for these kinds of situations when he was standing at his usual spot in the street, but not when he was vulnerable in a library. 

Hamilton nodded and said, “I better find my book and get going.” The large man turned his back and walked away. Harry held his breath. 

****

The rain didn’t seem refreshing on his way home. It weighed down Harry’s shoulders and soon he’d be an indifferent masse crawling along the sidewalk. People wouldn’t notice the mass, like they didn’t notice him now. They’d step on it mercilessly and wonder what felt soft under their shoes, but they wouldn’t look down. 

The way home was long. The books were heavy and Harry was hungry. He imagined how comfortable it was inside the cars driving past him. Some of the cars drove through puddles and each time it made his shoes and legs wetter. It didn’t matter. For once, he was looking forward to being inside the house with no doors. 

A car slowed down and stopped next to the sidewalk a few meters ahead of Harry. When he passed the car, a man got out of it. Harry couldn’t see him clearly in the rain, but his voice seemed familiar when he said, “Harry, is that you?”, 

The voice was loud and deep. Harry stopped and looked at the man, but didn’t recognise him. “It’s me, Liam. Louis’ friend. We met at a concert some weeks ago.” Harry could tell that the man sent a smile his way through the pouring rain. “Get in! It’s too wet to be standing out here!” He laughed, and Harry opened the car door feeling thankful. 

Harry could easily recognise Liam inside the warm car. His face was peaceful and friendly. "Thank you.” Harry said, and removed some wet hair from his face. “I might have chosen the wrong day to go to the library.” Liam smiled. “It seems like it. I live just a few blocks away if you want to borrow some dry clothes and get a cup of tea.” Harry felt warmer on the inside and the outside. He sighed in relief. “God, I’d love to.” Liam smiled before he started the car. 

****

“Thank you. That was lovely.” Harry said and made sure the towel on his head was in place. Liam had the most wonderful shower with a massage system and everything one could wish for when showering. Liam looked up from his magazine and smiled friendly at Harry. 

“I made some tea.” He said and got up from the bar chair. “Take a seat.” Liam smiled before turning his back. “Your house is amazing. Do you live here on your own?” Harry looked around. The kitchen was connected to the living room. The walls were dark and the furniture were made from dark tree. The darkness wasn’t depressing like Harry was used to. Liam’s presence made it tasteful and cosy. 

“I do. I’m still a hopeful bachelor.” Liam snorted at his own joke, and Harry smiled. The man sat down on the other side of the table and poured tea into Harry’s cup. 

“How are you, Harry?” Liam’s stare was piercing like it was a matter of life or death whether Harry was doing well. “Well… I suppose, I’ve been better.” Harry tried to smile as he stirred the sugar in his tea. 

“You and Louis aren’t doing too well, are you? He hasn’t talked about you for a while, and his mood's shitty.” Harry noticed that he felt glad when Liam said that Louis was moody because of him. "No. I think it’s over.” Harry looked up at Liam. “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him since the concert. He’s disappeared.” The relief was gone. 

Liam nodded and looked sad. “He doesn’t tell me these kind of things, and I’ve given up on asking… But you should talk to him.” Liam looked thoughtful as he said, “we’re playing this Saturday at the usual bar. He’ll definitely be there.” 

Harry drank some of the hot tea. He could go on Saturday. “Do you think he’ll be okay with me showing up like that?” Liam shrugged. “Maybe. I don’t live inside his head, it’s hard for me to tell what’s going on in there, but you need to talk. I’m sure of that.” 

Harry let out a cynical laugh. “You’re right about that.” He said, and wondered if it would be wrong to tell Liam about the baby. Maybe Liam could tell him how Louis would feel about it. How he’d feel about having a child. Harry looked at Liam and when they had eye contact he said, “I’m pregnant.” He paused feeling like he wanted to take it back, but it was too late. “With Louis’ child.” 

Liam’s face looked like it was falling off. It took a while before he was ready to say anything. "Oh...” He then said, and nothing more. They sat for a while and zipped their tea in silence. "Harry, that’s… Messed up.” Harry couldn’t help being slightly insulted. He nodded. “Tell me something I don’t know.” Harry said and leaned back. 

“Will he react the same way you just did?” For some reason Liam smiled. “Let’s hope not. At least he’s always wanted children.” Harry nodded and Liam looked at him sincerely. 

“I like you, Harry. You’re good for him. I hope you two can figure things out.”


	15. Thursday came around fast

Thursday came around fast. Harry’s day had started the same way it always did - by waking up himself and Niall with his nausea. 

Later in the day he was trying to find something suitable to wear for the meeting at the hospital. He wanted to look proper and clean. He wanted to look like he had his life under control and everything figured out, but the only clean clothes he could find was his usual skinny jeans with their holes, and the grey sweater Niall had bought for him. Harry decided it had to do. 

“You look gorgeous, love.” Niall said and looked like he meant it. It made Harry feel warm. 

“Can I do your hair?” He asked and looked caringly at Harry. The curly-haired boy nodded and said, “just don’t do anything crazy, please.” Niall laughed. 

****

At 4.30PM Harry arrived at the hospital with a small bun on top of his head. The rest of his hair was waving in the wind behind his face. It was cold, but the rain had stopped earlier in the week, and he was thankful for that. 

Harry walked through the large front door into the building, and through the big hall to the elevators. As he stood there waiting for the red button to turn green, he felt like everyone was looking at him. Judging him. They could tell that he was a cheap whore who’d been knocked up by a man who didn’t care for him. They could tell that he was alone in the world with his unborn child. 

The elevator door clicked and opened. He had never been fund of taking the elevator, like most people, he was afraid he’d never get out of there again. 

“Hello. I’m trying to find the meeting doctor Calder is having for some of her patients today.” Harry wasn’t sure where to go, and had to ask the secretary on the floor. He was careful not to mention what the meeting was about. She could tell that he was alone, if he did. The woman smiled at him. “It’s on you right. Room 290.” 

****

“Harry.” The dark-haired doctor smiled her usual wide smile. “You’re early.” 

“Early? Isn’t the meeting starting in 15 minutes?” Harry looked around. In the middle of the large room was a circle made by chairs. The doctor was standing at a table by the wall preparing cookies and thermos. She laughed friendly and looked at him. “No, there’s still another 45 minutes.” Harry swallowed. “Oh…” He said and scratched his hair. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll find somewhere to wait.” He tried to excuse himself with a smile, but the doctor was fast. “No, no. It’s fine. I have nothing to do until then anyway. Come have a seat.” She grabbed a chair to invite Harry to come sit down. 

“Thank you.” He said and smiled as he sat down across the woman. She was looking at him. She looked solemn sitting straight on the chair with her legs crossed and her hands resting on her thighs. 

“So…” The doctor said. “How are you? Still feeling nauseous?” Harry leaned forward and placed his elbows on his knees. He felt uncomfortable and regretted his move immediately. As he sat back up, he said, “I am. It’s the same, really. I still wake up Niall and myself every morning by throwing up, but I’m feeling better about food, so that’s a start.” He looked at her shiny nylons. 

“I’m glad. Soon the nausea won’t be as regular as it is now, you’ll see.” Her smile was wide and full of life. “Where is Niall today?” She said and looked around as if he’d sneaked inside and hidden somewhere. 

“Oh, he’s not the father or my partner.” Harry said and felt like he owed the doctor an explanation. “He’s just my good friend.” The doctor’s expression was understanding. She nodded. “The father isn’t in the picture.” She nodded again. 

“It’s funny how these things turn out.” She said thoughtfully and looked at Harry. “My husband and I have tried to get pregnant for five years.” A strange darkness spread in her eyes and on her face. “He’s given up now.” The young face suddenly looked old and exhausted. 

Harry bit his lip. “I’m sorry.” He said hoping that she could tell that he was sincere. Her smile was confidently. 

“Yeah, well… That’s how it goes sometimes.” Her eyes brightened up a little as she said, “as long as we love each other... I’m sure we’ll figure it out.” Harry smiled. He could only imagine how it would be to be with someone for that long. Someone who loved him. 

“Did you always know that you wanted to be a doctor?” Harry felt like they needed to change the subject, and the doctor seemed relieved. 

“I did. At least when I got older, when I was a child I just wanted to be a princess or a popstar.” She laughed, and Harry imagined a little girl in a pink princess dress singing in front of a mirror with a brush in her hand. It made him smile. 

“What about you? What do you do?” The lump was pressing in his throat after the doctor had asked the question. 

“Uhm… I’m in the service industry.” Harry was pleased by his lie. The woman’s face light up. “How nice! So is my husband.” She seemed fund of her husband. Proud of him. “You should meet him. Maybe you could share some business ideas.” She smiled, and Harry felt trapped. He took a moment to answer. 

“Yeah, sure.” He said and acted like he was thrilled. “Great!” she said and clapped her hands together. 

Harry was surprised by how fast the doctor had opened up to him. He remembered how his mom used to say that he attracted people. That his personality was attracting. He was glad that some people wanted to confide in him. It made him feel valuable. 

****

The 45 minutes pasted quickly and soon someone was knocking on the door. The doctor’s smile grew wide, as Harry watched two middle-aged men enter the room. One of them carried a big baby dump, and the other one looked like he couldn’t be inside of his own body because of joy. The doctor got up, and Harry followed her. 

“Hello, you two!” She said loudly. She shook their hands before they gave their attention to Harry. The pregnant man stepped forward, and offered Harry his hand to shake. “I’m Jay.” His smile was bright. “And this is my husband, Thomas.” He said and turned to his husband. Harry shook both of their hands. “I’m Harry.” He tried to smile like he was having a good time. 

Another four happy couples arrived, and Harry felt more alone and ridiculous as each couple entered the room. 

He stood next to the table by the wall trying to look like he was busy pouring tea into his cup, as the doctor clapped her hands. “Okay, everyone! We’re all here. Please, have a seat!” She was more enthusiastic about this meeting than Harry had ever been about anything in his life. 

He walked slowly towards the chairs, waiting for the others to sit down before he found a seat. He sat down between a young man with red hair, and a big exotic-looking man with a moustache. 

Harry looked at the doctor, as she said, “because being male and pregnant is such a new, and exciting, phenomena I’ve been thinking that all of my pregnant male patients would be able to benefit from each other’s knowledge and experience when it comes to being pregnant. Therefore, I’ve invited all of you to this meeting. I’m very glad that you could come.” Her smile grew from one ear to the other. Some of the men agreed loudly. 

“Let’s start the meeting by introducing ourselves, and telling the others how far along you are and whether this is your first time being pregnant.” The doctor smiled and looked at a blonde man. “Will you start, Martin?” 

Harry knew the evening was going to be long. 

**** 

The meeting had taken longer than Harry had expected, and he was now in a hurry to get back to the house before anyone noticed he absence. He looked at the watch on his phone for the hundredth. He had to be out in the street by the same time as the others. 

A girl, who seemed to be about his age, was sitting across him in the bus. She was staring directly at him without taking her eyes off him. Harry felt uncomfortable by the unwanted attention. He hated that he didn’t know what people were thinking when they were looking at him. 

“Do I know you?” He said in desperation and looked at the girl. “No.” She said shortly, and finally looked out of the window. As she was looking at the houses they drove pass, she said, “I just think you’re handsome. That’s all.” Harry couldn’t help smiling. 

****

When he breathed out, a small cloud of mist formed in front of his lips. The street was cold and bare. The night was rough. Harry was holding himself to stay warm and tripped from his right food to his left. 

He had only had a few fast customers, and it was already past midnight. The money wouldn’t be enough to give back to Johnny, and he wouldn’t be able to save anything either. Niall had mentioned the runaway several times, but he couldn’t run away yet. He needed to talk to Louis. He needed to see the blue eyes. 

Someone coughed behind him, and as Harry turned around, he saw a boy trying to warm up his hands by rubbing them together. He was young. Younger than Harry. His hair was unnaturally black, and his face was covered by pimples. He looked at Harry. 

“Looking for company?” Harry asked not bothering to seem interested. He looked at the boy’s red shoes. “Depends on what ya do.” The boy said and put his hands into his pockets. Harry let a few seconds pass. “What do you want?” 

“I’m having my mates over for a party. We want to have some fun.” His smile was immature and ugly. “How many?” Harry asked and crossed his arms. He would almost do anything to get warm. “Six including me.” The boy snuffled. 

Harry thought about it for a while. “I’ll suck all of you off. No swallowing. 50 for each person. Want the money before we get started.” He looked at the boy and felt empty inside. 

The acne filled face nodded, “cool… It’s this way.” The boy turned around and started walking. Harry was thankful that he was walking fast. He looked at the black hair. It looked like it hadn’t been washed for months. He felt sick. 

“I’m Brian, by the way.” The boy glanced over his shoulder. “Edward.” Harry replied and had nothing else to say. 

They walked in silence until they stood in front of a big, red house. The boy named Brian went towards the front door without a word, and Harry followed along. As the door was opened an undefinable smell met Harry’s nose. It wasn’t a nice smell, and his stomach turned immediately. 

“Come in.” The boy said and kicked off his shoes and tossed his jacket on the floor. “You can keep yours on, if you want.” He said trying to be nice. Harry took off his jacket and hang it on the coat rack. 

They walked slowly through, what seemed to be, the living room into a small, dark hall and through that towards loud music coming from a room full of teenage boys. The room was messy and smelled like cigarettes and farts. The boys became quiet when they saw their friend and Harry by the door. 

“Guys, this is Edward. He’s agreed to suck all of us off. Need 50 from each of you, now.” The boys hooted and got up from their seats. Brian reach down into his pocket in the baggy trousers and handed Harry the money. The black-haired boy’s smile was cheesy. Harry took the money and looked intensively at each boy as they gave him his money one by one. 

The night was going to be even longer than the evening had been.


	16. Pain Comes in All Shapes and Sizes

Saturday came around as fast as Thursday had. Harry had stayed in bed all Friday feeling shitty in any possible way. He felt cheaper and more worthless than usual after the episode with the teenage boys. It seemed more degrading than his usual escapades. 

“It’ll be okay, Love.” Niall said trying to comfort him. He held Harry tighter. “You’ll go talk to louis tonight, and you’ll get this mess sorted out together. I’m sure of it.” Niall was more optimistic about the thing with Louis than Harry was at this point. He still hadn’t seen any signs of his ex-lover. The father of his child. 

“What if he rejects me?” Harry looked up at Niall from his mattress. Niall shrugged. “He won’t. Give him a chance.” Harry had heard that before, and where did it get him? 

“I have to look decent.” Harry said, and wondered what he should wear. Niall laughed softly, “Of course. We’ll make sure you do.” He said, and touched Harry’s curly hair. 

****

The shower was good for Harry. He was standing under the warm water with his hands hanging down his sides as he was looking at his stomach. He wasn’t showing, but he felt certain that it wouldn’t be long before he did. He was looking forward to it. He was looking forward to see physical proof of the life inside his body, and looking forward to how he’d eventually be able to feel the baby move and kick. 

He carefully placed his hand on top of the stomach, and lifted his face to enjoy how the water embraced it while he held his breath. 

****

“What about this?” Niall said and held up another blouse. “Are you fucking kidding me?” Harry said and made a grimace. “I want him to want me, not cry by the sight me!” Harry couldn’t help laughing a little. Niall looked down at the pile of clothes uncomprehendingly. He sighed. 

“Okay then. WHAT do you want, Styles?” He said clearly amused by himself. “Something proper, sexy and nice.” Harry said without any doubt. Niall bent down and reached for something in the pile. This time he held up a white, silky shirt. 

“This?” He said and looked hopefully at Harry. “That’s not a bad idea, Horran. What does that say about me?” Niall sighed deeply. “That you need to fucking wear it! It’s screaming you name over here!” Harry laughed and reached for the white shirt. 

“It’ll be okay.” Niall said, and watched as Harry put on the shirt. Harry smiled at him, hoping that he was right. 

“What now?” Harry said when the shirt hang loose from his upper body. “Now you have to smell good.” Niall chuckled, and sprayed perfume on Harry’s neck. “And I think your hair looks sweet in a bun.” Harry had noticed that was the case, so he let his friend make a bun on top of his head. 

“Thank you.” Harry said and meant it. Niall smiled and squeezed his shoulder. 

****

Harry stepped into the bar feeling good about himself. He knew he was looking good for once. Much better than Louis had ever seen him before which made him hopeful. The bar was as crowded as the last time Harry was there. People were already seated in front of the small stage. Harry didn’t feel like sitting anywhere Louis would notice him easily, so he sat down by the bar and ordered a glass of water. 

Harry looked at the crowd in front of the stage, and was surprised when he saw Doctor Calder sitting on the front row. He sipped his water, and wondered what she was doing there, but let the thoughts go, when Louis and the rest of the band appeared on stage. 

Harry lost his breath at the sight of Louis. He was stunning. Dressed in a black with a joyful smile on his face. 

“Good evening everyone.” Louis looked at the audience. “As always we’re honoured to be here, and honoured to play our music for you. A massive thank you to the bar-owner, Rob.” 

Louis looked calm and happy when the music started playing. Harry almost forgot the expression on his face when they parted. Louis’ voice was wonderful, and Harry felt like he was home when he heard the man talk and sing. 

****

Louis didn’t notice Harry, and when the band stopped playing he couldn’t help feeling disappointed. He’d imagined how Louis would catch sight of him and light up, even smile to him, but he hadn’t seen him. 

Harry stayed by the bar for a while and hoped that he’d spot Louis in the crowd, but he didn’t show up. Feeling desperate by the thought of Louis leaving the place before he got a chance to talk to him, Harry got up to go look for the blue-eyed man backstage. He had to take a chance. 

People were standing close to each other. Harry squeezed through the crowd and apologised several times because he bumped into someone. The bar seemed interminable as Harry moved slowly forward. He was sweating and the self-insurance, he’d felt when he arrived, was gone.

Finally, he reached a door with the sign “Backstage. Staff only”. He looked around and opened the dark-wooded door. 

Everything seemed abandoned backstage. Harry couldn’t see any signs of Louis, or Liam for that matter. He walked pass a big closet standing in the middle of the room and found another door. Exit. 

When Harry opened the door, he saw a figure walking across the parking lot. “Louis!” The man turned around and froze, surprised by what he saw. Harry walked closer to him. The soft lips weren’t smiling and the blue eyes didn’t seem happy to see him. Louis looked around as if he was making sure no one was watching. 

“Harry.” He said firmly and smiled, but it wasn’t the kind of smile Harry was used to. “Hi.” Harry said and tried to smile back, but felt like it was useless. “Great performance.” He added and tilted his head a little. Louis’ expression was cold, when he thanked him. 

“Can I talk to you?” Harry asked feeling butterflies in his stomach. Louis’ expression didn’t change. “Now?” He said, sounding slightly annoyed by Harry’s enquiry. “It’s rather important. I didn’t know where else to find you.” Harry looked down at his brown boots and tried to breathe even though he didn’t want to. His body was feeling weird. Louis didn’t answer, and when Harry looked up the man’s eyes were empty. 

“Can we go somewhere?” He was still hopeful, but Louis’ answer disappointed him. “I really don’t have time for this right now, Harry. Tell me what it is you need to talk to me about.” Harry cleared his throat. “I really don’t think…” Was all Harry got to say before Louis interrupted him, “don’t start.” 

Harry felt like Louis was punching him in the face over and over, but this was more hurtful than any punch he’d ever felt. Harry stood still staring at the beautiful man in front of him. He didn’t understand. 

Harry tried to swallow the lump before saying, “I’m pregnant… And it’s yours.”

For a second the something changed on Louis’ face. His eyes softened, but then went back to the hard, annoyed stare. Harry didn’t understand. Louis didn’t seem to react other than that. He looked at Harry, making him feel like it wasn’t true. That it was something he’d just made up to make Louis come back. 

“Pregnant?” Louis’ voice was off. He turned his head to look away for a moment. “Are you sure?” He asked and looked back at Harry who nodded, “I’m sure.” The blue eyes were staring at him in a way he didn’t understand. 

“And you’re sure it’s mine?” There were no softness in Louis’ voice. Harry felt like the man had stabbed him in the heart, and had left him to bleed to death. He had to bite his lip hard. 

“Of course, I’m sure.” Harry had never felt so belittled. “But if you don’t trust me, these sorts of things can be tested.” Louis nodded and looked at the ground. “I trust you.” He said not looking up. “I just don’t want to be responsible for someone else’s child.” He looked at Harry again. Harry was speechless. 

“Give me your phone number so we can make an appointment for the test. I have to get going.” Louis watched as Harry found his phone. He found his own, and tapped Harry’s number on the screen. “Thank you. I’ll text you.” Louis looked at him one last time before he turned around and walked away. 

****

“Ops… I think my stocking broke.” Harry did the best he could to seem innocent. He grabbed one of the kitchen chairs smoothly, and placed his food on the seat to bent over his leg, to give Johnny the impression that he was trying to fix the black stocking. He looked at the man with a smirk on his face, and was pleased that he had his attention. 

“Oh well… I’m not sure I know how fix this... Maybe you can help me?” Harry let his foot down slowly, and fluttered towards the man who looked like he didn’t know what to think. Harry placed a leg on each side of Johnny’s hips, and sat down on the man’s crotch facing him. 

“What am I going to do, daddy?” Harry still tried to keep it innocent, as he looked at the pimp’s long face with a sad expression on his own. The man smirked. “Asking for forgiveness?” His voice was rusty and low. Harry wasn’t asking for anything. 

“Yes. I’m really sorry.” Harry laid a kiss on the man’s wrinkled neck. “Please, forgive me, daddy.” He said, and moved his ass around the way he knew Johnny liked it. He laid more kisses on the neck, before he dared to look at the old face again. The man was still smirking. 

“I’ll be such a happy boy if you take me to the room.” Harry said, and placed his arm on Johnny’s shoulder to touch his face. He leaned forward. A strange expression found its way to the face in front of Harry’s. The eyes seemed confused. 

“Please, daddy. Please... I’ll do anything.” Harry begged and licked his lips. Johnny swallowed and got up from the chair with Harry in his arms. 

He carried the curly-haired boy through the house bridal style. When they reached the room, he put Harry down and reached for his pockets to find the key. It’s was Johnny’s private room. Some of the others had never been inside of it, and didn’t know what was in there. Harry had seen it a couple of times. 

Johnny turned on the light, but the room was still dark. A sweet smell reached Harry’s nose. Everything looked the same. The swing was in the same place, the bed, the stall bar - everything. The whips were hanging on the wall like they used to, and the monster dildos were still standing on the dresser showing off their cruelty. 

Johnny looked intensely at Harry. The curly haired boy moved closer to him. “I want you to punish me, like you mean it.” Harry said, and reached for the zipper in the man’s trousers. “Make me beg you to stop.” He unzipped the blue trousers, and sat down on his knees pulling them down. “Make it hurt.” 

Harry needed physical pain.


	17. About hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. 
> 
> Once again, I'd like to thank you all for commenting! 
> 
> I've been trying to update every 4th day for a while now, but since I've got a lot to attend at the moment, that might change. I'll still try to update regularly though. 
> 
> Keep letting me know what you think. 
> 
> Thanks!

Harry sat still facing the wall and looked at the old bricks. He was cold and tried. He didn’t know for how long he’d been there. He’d found a corner in a street where no one saw him. The slash across his brow was painful, and the blood in his underwear was solidifies. Johnny had understood his words, quite literally. 

It seemed to be dark in the corner every hour of the day. Harry didn’t know which day it was or what time it was. He didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything except for his baby. He didn’t want it to suffer because of him and his decisions, so he did the best he could. He found some eatable trash in the containers when he was hungry. The baby needed nutrition. 

His eyelids felt heavy. He spent most of the days trying to sleep, but he kept waking up. It was stressful. He looked at the wet concrete and carefully laid down. For a moment, he held his breath and shut his eyes. He wondered if things would ever change. He kept his eyes shut. 

****

“Harry! Harry!” Hands were shaking him awake, and when he opened his eyes he saw Niall’s bright face. It looked terrified. The eyes were terrified by what they saw, Harry knew that. 

“Oh God, Harry.” Niall’s voice was shaky and low. The blue eyes were searching over his face and his entire body, before he moved to help Harry sitting up. He looked straight into Harry’s eyes. Worried as always. A tear fell from his blue eye. 

“I’ve been so worried about you.” Niall laid his forehead against Harry’s. Harry felt safe now. Niall had seen him. 

****

Niall searched Harry’s face as he was unbuttoning the white silky shirt. It wasn’t white anymore. He was studying the bruises and wounds. “Who did this to you?” His voice was caring, but insecure. The insecurity made Harry uneasy, it wasn’t like Niall. He was always sure of everything and warm. Harry sometimes thought it was a shame that the colour of the blonde’s eyes was so cold. 

“I did.” Harry whispered. His mouth was dry. Niall wrinkled his eye brows and looked down at the shirt while buttoning the last buttons. 

“You didn’t do this to yourself.” He said. The wrinkle was still there. “I asked for it.” Harry said simply, as Niall let the shirt slide down his shoulders. 

“Why would you ask for this?” Niall unzipped his jeans and pulled them down. “You wouldn’t understand.” Harry said and looked at the mirror on the wall. He was glad he couldn’t see himself from this angle. 

Niall stood back up and looked like he wasn’t giving up. “Try me.” He said. Harry didn’t want to explain himself. He didn’t have to, so he didn’t. He didn’t say a word, and after a while of staring at each other Niall seemed to let it go. For now. 

“You’re starting to show.” He said and looked down at Harry’s stomach. Harry’s eyes followed his friend’s and when he saw the small bump he couldn’t help smiling by the warmth which spread inside him. He knew that Niall was smiling too. 

“Can’t wait to be an uncle.” The blonde said as he reached for Harry’s cheek, before he and walked past the curly-haired boy to find towels. “Time to shower.” He said, and smiled gently. 

Harry stepped into the shower first and felt redeemed when the hot water hit his face. He turned around to face his friend, who was holding up a clutch to clean the wounds on his face. Harry thought about his sister, when Niall dapped the clutch on the side of his forehead. Gemma had been a wild child. She used to be incessantly bruised. A lump formed in his throat. 

“Turn around and let me wash your hair.” Niall said and interrupted Harry’s thoughts. He did as his friend requested. He appreciated his indulgence and helpfulness. 

****

Sunday 10:25AM * Where are you H? Niall. *   
Sunday 2:33PM * Love? When are you coming home? *

Monday 7:45AM * Hi Harry. Can we meet for the test this Wednesday? Louis Tomlinson. *  
Monday 9AM *I’m worried about you. Are you and Louis cool? Let me know if you’re with him. Or come home! *  
Monday 1:27PM * Harry? It’s me - your friend Niall. Still worried. *  
Monday 7.19PM * Harry??????????!!!! *  
Monday 8:15PM * Hi again. I’m sorry if I’m interrupting you, but I need you to reply. I have a schedule to fit things into. Louis. *   
Monday 11:05PM * I’m guessing you’re not coming home today either. CALL ME!!! *

Tuesday 2:47PM * Are you even alive? I’m still your friend, Niall, me. I’m fucking worried. *

Wednesday 6:30AM *I assume we’re not meeting today? Louis. *

Friday 4:05PM * Listen Harry, I understand if you’re disappointed. I just want to be sure about this. Will you please contact me? Call me. Otherwise I’m letting this go. Louis. * 

Harry still wasn’t sure which day it was when he read the messages on his phone. The messages from Louis made his heart race. He’d ruined everything. Now there was no hope left. Louis had let go. He’d turned his back to Harry and the child. He was going to be alone.

“Are you ready to go?” Niall was standing by the door frame with his hands on his hips. Harry looked up and decided he’d take care for the messages later. He nodded and got up slowly making sure that he wouldn’t feel dizzy. 

****

Time hadn’t seemed to pass at the hospital. Everything was the same. The secretaries look up from their disks the same way they used to, and people were busy as always. Harry and Niall walked slowly towards the waiting room in front of doctor Calder’s office. 

The waiting room was empty. Harry was relieved that no one would be staring at him while he was vulnerable and exposed in the hospital chair. Harry looked at Niall who was reading a magazine. His delicate lashes were caressing the air when he blinked. The expression on his face was mild. 

“Harry.” He recognised the female voice immediately. The doctor smiled, but her smile wasn’t as wide as usual. He shook her hand and followed her to the white room. 

“Have a seat.” She said, and sat down in her own soft-looking office chair. “You’ve been in a fight?” The doctor narrowed her eyes and lent forward. 

“Yes, I just want to make sure everything’s okay… With the baby.” Harry was concerned about the baby. He felt fine. The woman nodded understandingly, and started typing something on the laptop. 

“It’s time for your ultrasound soon anyway, so I suggest we do that now. It’s the best way to make sure everything’s okay. But first I’d like to measure your blood pressure and listen to your lungs and heart. Maybe do a few blood tests.” Doctor Calder got up to find the stuff she needed for the examination. 

Harry sat still as the doctor listened to his lungs. He confused on breathing. He was afraid he’d forget it, and make her look at him like he was a freak. She never looked at him that way, though. He knew it was all in his head. 

“It all seem very fine, Harry.” Her wide smile was back as she looked at him. “The results on the blood tests will come back in about a week, but I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about.” The voice was friendly. “Now let’s see how your baby is doing.” 

She guided Harry to the medical couch. He pulled up his blouse before laying down. She smiled widely and Harry felt certain that she was proud, when she said, “Oh, Harry. You’re starting to show.” Harry nodded, and couldn’t help feeling proud too. His baby was growing. 

The doctor pointed a few times at the ultrasound screen, and told Harry that his baby was doing well. As the heartbeat filled the room, Harry felt relieved and overwhelmed. It was a gentle heartbeat. Everything was good. 

****

“So, Harry. Is there anything else you’d like to talk about before I let you go?” Doctor Calder chuckled because of her own joke. They were back at the office table. “In fact, there is.” He said. “Is it possible to get some sort of test done on who the father is? I know who it is, but he doesn’t quite trust me. He’d like to be certain.” Harry felt stupid, but the doctor didn’t seem to judge him. She nodded. 

“There is. We need DNA from the placenta and from the father. In fact, I have time to do that for you now. The father can stop by next week and get blood tests done. I won’t be here, but my assistant is more than capable of doing that.” She smiled kindly. “I have to tell you that there’s a risk that you’ll miscarriage after the intervention.” Her face grew serious. Harry swallowed. He needed Louis to know and to understand. “I want it done.” His voice almost disappeared. 

****

“If you feel any of those symptoms, you come to the hospital right away. We want your little miracle to stay safe in there.” The doctor smiled. Harry didn’t always feel like it was a miracle. 

“One last thing.” Her smile was so wide it looked painful. “If you’d like, you can come have dinner with my husband and I Friday evening.” Harry cleared his throat. 

“Yeah. Sure. I’d love to.” He gave her a friendly smile. “Great! I’ll text you during the week for more info.” She laughed and shook Harry’s hand goodbye. 

****

*Hey Louis. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to reply. I’ve got my part of the test done. If you’re still up for it, you can stop by the hospital any time next week to get your blood tests done. Hope you’re ok. Harry Styles. *

Harry looked around the room. There was nothing to do, but wait. The rest of his life would consist of waiting. Waiting for Louis to reply, waiting to be ready to leave the yellow house, waiting for the baby to be born. Waiting for it to grow up, and forget about him. 

He wasn’t sure that he’d make a good parent. He’d do his best, but that didn’t always seem to be enough. Louis wouldn’t be around to help him out, and what if Louis was right? What if he wasn’t the father. Then neither Harry or the child would ever know. Louis had to be the father. 

Harry imagined how a child with his own and Louis’ genetics would look like. He hoped it’d look more like Louis, and be as beautiful, as talented and as smart as the man. If the child was a copy of Louis, he wouldn’t have to worry. He’d love it anyhow, even if it was more like himself. 

Harry was interrupted when his phone buzzed. 

*Hi Harry. Thanks for getting back to me. I’ll get the blood tests done. Louis. * 

Harry blinked a few times, and told himself that the lump in his throat didn’t matter. The tears in his eyes didn’t matter either. Nothing mattered. 

He looked down at the bump. “We’ll be okay.” He whispered, hoping he was right.


	18. Identical Days

The days started to look like each other again. Harry would wake up feeling much better than he had, for the past two and a half months. He’d eat, go for a walk or clean up, rets, eat, eat, rest, and eat some more. Harry was glad that he was finally able to eat again, and though he felt like he didn’t do anything else, he kept reminding himself that it was a good thing. Because he was afraid anyone would notice the change of his eating habits, he hid the food in his and Niall’s room. Niall was very supportive of Harry’s new-found appetite. 

Harry could still go to work because he just looked bloated. He knew it wouldn’t be long before the customers could tell when he took off his clothes. Then no one would want him and someone would tell Johnny which would be nothing less than awful. He and his baby would end of like Tilda, so Harry knew he’d have to leave soon, but he was waiting for Louis. He was still hoping that the man would come back to him and be a supportive partner, when he would find out that he was the father. Niall had hinted that Harry was fooling himself several times, and that he was only wasting time. Precious time. 

It reminded Harry of his own and Niall’s spare money. Especially Niall had saved a good share, and though it wasn’t a fortune, they’d be able to get around for the money. They’d talked about where to go. They wouldn’t be able to rent an apartment and they both refused to prostitute themselves ever again. 

Harry had suggested finding his sister. He was sure that Gemma would help them, and since Harry had no one else, and Niall’s family had cut him off, the blonde had agreed that it was a good idea. Harry wondered what Gemma’s life was like now. He’d be happy to see her again, but he’d no idea where to find her. 

Harry ate the last bite of his carrot, and got up from the mattress. He liked to check on the spare money from time to time, to make sure they were still there. It’d be a disaster if someone stole them - nothing less. 

He pushed the old dresser aside and lifted the loose wallpaper. There was a hole in the wall which was perfect for hiding anything valuable. The only valuable thing Harry had was his money. He took the money and started counting them. 

The notes where soft in his hands, and seemed to be smiling at him. They were promising him a better future. Harry froze when he’d counted all the money. A big share was missing. As he stopped breathing and felt his heart race in his chest, sparkling, black eyes appeared before his inner eye. 

Harry put the money back in the hole and got up too fast feeling dizzy as he pushed the dresser back in place. He walked out of the room and down the corridor with long, determined steps. He knew exactly where to find him this hour at the day. 

The stinking smell of cannabis reached Harry’s nose long before he was near the room. Loud voices and silly chuckles followed the smell and seemed to play with it. 

The room was blurry from the bongs’ smoke. Harry’s body felt weird as he was standing in the door. His heart was racing in a way he wasn’t used to. He felt unable to be inside his own body, and the urge to somehow escape the dominating restlessness was big. The adrenaline was familiar to Harry. He stepped into the room and saw the sharp jawline immediately. 

“Where the FUCK are they!?” The voices stopped talking immediately and the people they belonged to stared at Harry like they’d never seen him before. Even Harry was surprised by himself. The room was completely silent. Nobody seemed to react, which only made Harry’s body feel more explosive. 

He took a few steps towards the worn-out couch, and grabbed Zayn’s t-shirt by the neck and pulled the guy up. 

“Tell… Me… Where… They… Are.” Harry hissed through his teeth. He was staring at the confused, and rather stoned, face in front of him. 

“Where what is?” Zayn’s voice was low. He glanced at the others who were still sitting motionless on the couch. “The money, Zayn… MY MONEY.” There was a moment of silence before the sinner answered. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“What’s going on in here?” Harry recognised Niall’s voice right away. He let go of Zayn’s shirt and turned around to face the blonde. “He’s stolen our money.” Harry said feeling more exhausted than angry. Niall’s expression changed. “What!?” He said and look at Zayn.

“I didn’t steel your fucking money!” Zayn insisted and sat back down. “Are they all gone?” Niall looked at Harry. Harry could tell that his friend was on the edge. “No. Some of them are. A good amount.” Then something changed on Niall’s face. He hesitated and then said, “can we talk outside, Harry?” Harry narrowed his eyes and followed his short friend. 

****

“You did what!?” Harry slid his hands through the curly hair and feeling despondent. “He needed the money. What else could I do?” Harry didn’t answer. He couldn’t think of anything to say to this human being in front of him. The light blue eyes suddenly seemed unfamiliar to him. The features on the delicate face weren’t features he could confined in anymore. 

Niall placed his hand on Harry’s shoulder. “Harry… Please, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I forgot. I’ll get the money back, it’s not a big deal.” Niall shook Harry a little and tried to smile. Harry swallowed hard, and kept his eyes closed for a few seconds before looked at the face in front of him again. 

“I just made a complete idiot out of myself because of you, Niall. Do you have any idea what that feels like? You fucking know how I feel about Zayn as it is already! Now he’s got this on me as well…” Harry sighed. “And what if you won’t get the money before we need them?” Harry leaned his head back putting his hands in his long hair. 

“Are you bloody kidding me?” The harsh sound of Niall’s voice snapped Harry back to reality. “Before we need them? You’re the one wasting our fucking time, Harry, because you can’t get into your little head that Louis isn’t into you! He doesn’t want you or your child! For God’s sake…”

Harry stopped breathing. 

****

The rest of the day seemed awfully long. Harry walked from street to street for the sake of nothing. He didn’t know where he was heading, but he knew he’d had to end up where he always did. 

The sun was shining and the sky was clear. Harry enjoyed this kind of weather. He liked the cold air and the gentle warmth of the sun. The night was going to be cold, but he was used to the cold. He wondered when everything started being cold. 

A low buzz from Harry’s pocket interrupted his thoughts. 

*Hi Harry! I hope everything’s good with you, and that you’re recovering well. Like I said, my husband and I would like to invite you over for dinner on Friday. How’s 5PM? Eleanor Calder :-) * 

Harry took a deep breath and looked down at his feet before he continued walking. His boots were old and worn-out, but he liked them. He thought they mirrored his personality. An empty McDonalds bag flew across the sidewalk in front of his feet, and reminded him of how hungry he was. His thoughts travelled to his stomach and the creature inside it. He felt strongly and passionately about the little being. He would never do anything to harm it. He knew he’d have to leave soon. Very soon. 

*Hi Eleanor. Once again, thanks for the invitation. 5PM is perfect. I’ll be there. Harry Styles. *

Now he couldn’t leave sooner than Friday. 

****

The streets were getting dark, and Harry knew it was about time he found the well-known street. It was getting cold. As Harry walked towards the corner of the street he was on, he put his hands in the pockets and wondered who’d come to pick him up. 

He imagined how a dark figure would be standing at his spot when he got there. The dark figure would turn around and smile the loveliest smile he’d ever seen, while he’s sweet mouth would say, “seems like this is another good night.” And Harry would be forever happy. 

There was no dark figure standing at his spot when he got there. He could only see the women working across the street. Their voices were loud, and they reminded Harry of that day he came home from school to see his parents alive for the last time. 

Harry hadn’t noticed the dark car that pulled over to the sideway not far from him. He hadn’t seen the tall man get out of the car and walk towards him. 

“Good evening.” Harry turned his head and was surprised that Hamilton was standing next to him. He turned around to greet the man properly. 

“Well, good evening.” Harry didn’t feel like smiling. “It’s a cold night to be standing out here.” Hamilton noted and looked at Harry. Harry nodded. “Good thing you’ve come to pick me up then.” He couldn’t help it. He was tired of trying when he knew it never worked out for him. Hamilton’s laugh was cynical. 

“Got time?” Harry nodded again. “All the time in the world.” This time he smiled. Hamilton handed him the usual amount of money, and said, “let’s take the car, shall we?” Harry smirked. He knew the car was warm. 

****  
Harry was sitting on the middle-aged man’s lap. He was undoing the buttons in the dark-blue shirt while the steering wheel was poking into his back when he moved around. He was trying to smile and ignoring the hairy chest as he pulled the shirt down Hamilton’s shoulders. 

“What can I do for you today?” Harry whispered and looked at the man. Hamilton’s eyes looked searchingly at him like he was wondering who the young lad on this lap was. For a moment Harry felt uneasy, he felt like the man looked at him, the person Harry, and that he’d seen him. 

Hamilton didn’t answer, but pulled up Harry’s t-shirt. Harry felt exposed. The man’s eyes travelled down his upper body till they reached his stomach and the small bump which was sticking out. He looked at it for what seemed like forever. The unease inside Harry’s body grew stronger as he tried to clear his throat and move, but the man’s eyes didn’t move. 

At last Hamilton looked up at Harry’s face. Gently he laid his big hand on top of the exposed bump. Harry stopped breathing and felt paralyzed by the gesture. It was wrong. The man wasn’t supposed to be touching him like that, only Louis could touch him like that. It was Louis’ and his child. It had nothing to do with this stranger. It was none of his business. 

Harry was relieved when Hamilton seemed to return to reality by grabbing his hips and place him on the passenger seat next to himself. 

“Take off your clothes.” Hamilton hissed, and lifted his hips from the driver’s seat to pull down his own trousers. Harry did as he was told. 

“Hand me a condom and turn around.” The man’s voice was careless, but Harry didn’t mind. He got onto his knees and placed his hands on the misted window. It was cold. 

He looked out of the window into the empty parking lot as Hamilton opened the small folio package. After a moment, the man groaned behind Harry and bottomed out in one go. The young boy grimaced in pain and tried to think about something else, but didn’t succeed. 

Hamilton’s thrusts were hard from the beginning, and when he buried his face in Harry’s hair, he laid his sweaty hand on top of the small bump. Harry frown upon the gesture, and desperately wanted to move the hand away, but didn’t dare to. 

He thought about the baby. He was letting the small being down. He was disappointing it. He knew it already detested him. How could it ever love him?


	19. Oh, love 2.0

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for commenting. It motivates me to continue writing, and your opinions are important in that process. I hope you'll all enjoy this chapter. Things are about to change - finally? 
> 
> Let me know what you think. 
> 
> Thank you!

Harry was getting ready for the dinner at dr. Calder’s. He wanted to look decent so he didn’t have to feel unnecessarily bad about himself in the doctor’s and her successful husband’s company. He’d showered and found a dark blue t-shirt and some clean jeans. It would have to do. 

The mirror still told him awful things about himself, when he looked at it, but it didn’t seem to matter anymore. The mirror’s opinion made him tired, and as he was staring into it, he didn’t know what to do about his long hair. Niall was the one to take care of it for him. He looked himself in the eyes when the sadness started hurting in his stomach. Niall wasn’t there. Louis wasn’t there. 

Harry decided not to do anything about his hair. 

****

The walk to the doctor’s house was long, and Harry felt tired and numb when he stood in front of the big door. The house was white with a shiny black roof. It seemed quite big from the outside, but it wasn’t extraordinary. Harry looked at the oval plant next to the door, as he rang the bell. 

It took a while before the door was opened. Behind it a dark-haired man appeared, and Harry’s heart dropped to his feet and rolled out of his body leaving him cold and anxious, when the blue eyes he used to know so well was staring at him.

What was left of Harry’s heart started pounding hard in his chest. He felt a sudden urge to break free from his body. To be inside his own body was unbearable. The lump had expanded to fill all of his throat and was making it difficult for him to breathe. His hands were getting sweaty by the second, and he felt his pounding heart ache. 

Now he understood.

The time stood still. The blue eyes in front of him were blank and looked hurt. They were both brought back to life, when Eleanor’s voice reached their ears. 

“Honey, is it Harry?” She appeared in the door. Next to Louis. Harry felt sick when she laid her hand on her husband’s shoulder. 

“Oh, hi Harry. Good to see you! I’m glad you could come.” She smiled her usual wide smile, and Harry had to pull all he had left of himself together, to smile back, and say, “hi Eleanor. I’m glad you invited me.” He truly wished that he meant it. 

“This is my husband Louis.” The doctor said enthusiasticly, and looked at her husband. “And Louis, this is, of course, Harry.” Louis tried to smile like he meant it, and reached out his hand to shake Harry’s. 

“Hi Harry.” He said, and looked like he tried to impress his wife by his good behaviour. Harry smiled without showing his teeth and shook Louis’ hand. 

Eleanor was pleased by the welcome ceremony, and moved out of her way to let Harry inside. Harry hang up his coat on the rack in the big hall as Eleanor was rambling about her humble home. 

He looked at Louis who had a soft, but strange expression on his face. His eyes were locked on Harry, and he moved a little closer to the younger boy when the woman said something about the origin of the house with her back turned against them. 

Louis was close to Harry. The green-eyed boy held his breath. They were almost touching each other when Louis whispered, “you look good.” Then he moved away and followed his wife into the living room. 

The living room was impressive. Harry was already feeling misplaced, and the house and its fixtures weren’t helping. There was a big, round table in the middle of the room set by the book. Harry wondered if he would be able to see himself in the reflection of the tall wineglasses when he got close enough. 

“I just have to get the food ready and then dinner will be served. Hope you’re okay with salmon, Harry?” Eleanor gave him a friendly look. “Very okay.” Harry smiled, and felt panic appear in the back of his mind. “I don’t mind helping you.” He said and tried to walk towards the kitchen. “No, no. Please, have something to drink and enjoy yourself.” Eleanor insisted and left Harry and Louis alone. 

Harry didn’t want to turn around to face the dark-haired man. He didn’t want to look at him. He stood still and held his breath pretending that he was looking at the painting on the wall. 

“Harry…” Louis said when he stood next to the curly-haired boy. Harry had to pull himself together to look at the man. He was beautiful, but Harry could think of nothing to say to him. 

“I can explain.” Louis whispered and grabbed his arm. Harry looked down at the gesture and felt anger explode inside his head. “DON’T touch me.” He hissed. Louis immediately let go. 

“Married?” Was all Harry could get out of his mouth. The blue eyes looked intensively at him. They looked sad, but Louis didn’t answer. 

“Where’s the toilet?” Harry said and turned his head. 

****

“Oh, and Harry, my colleague told me that the father has stopped by so you’ll get the results soon.” Eleanor smiled at him, and Harry did his best to smile back. He didn’t want to talk to the baby. It was ridiculous. 

“Your colleague did the tests? So you won’t see the results, will you?” The pitch in Louis was higher than usual. His wife laughed and shook her head. She didn’t take notice, but turned her head to look at Harry. “How is the pregnancy going? Have you started to feel better?” She looked at Harry the way she usually did when he was sitting across of her in her office. 

“I do, finally. I’ve started to gain weight and such.” Harry said, and glanced at Louis who was pale. Harry didn’t want to talk about the baby, it was ridiculous. “That’s wonderful!” He was so used to the wide smile by now that he hardly noticed it. 

“I really wish Louis and I could have our own children.” Her voice was suddenly low, but then she seemed to remind herself of something, and lit up when she said, “but there’s still a lot of options left that we haven’t discussed.” She smiled at Louis and laid her hand on his wrist. The smile looked strange on Louis’ pale face. 

Harry cleared his throat. “For how long have you been together?” He looked at Louis, who’s stare told him that the man wasn’t pleased by his question. Harry didn’t care. 

“We met in college.” Eleanor laughed quietly by the memories. “We married quite young. Louis was 21, and I was 22.” She leaned back in the chair and smiled. “It was a lovely wedding, wasn’t it honey?” She looked expectantly at Louis. He looked at her like he’d forgotten they were married. “It certainly was.” He smiled. 

Harry had lost his appetite when he entered the house. The salmon was laughing at him and the lemons looked more bitter than usual. “Are you okay?” Eleanor looked worried. 

“I’m fine. I’m just not quite good with food yet.” He lied and smiled. She nodded understandingly. “That can take a while. Don’t pressure yourself, nothing good comes out of that. We understand.” 

Harry felt sick when she said “we” like Louis wasn’t capable of thinking on his own. He wondered if that was what time turned married couples into. A “we”, and nothing seemed to be exciting besides of that “we”. The “we” that was the most relevant “we” in the world. The most important twosome. He wondered if Louis felt the same way. Everything made sense to Harry now. 

****

“I’m sorry I have to leave this early. The food was amazing and so was your company.” Harry lied again, and looked at Eleanor who was smiling as always. “Don’t apologise. We completely understand. Get home and get some rest.” She looked at the driveway. “You didn’t drive here?” Another one of Harry’s many flaws. “I didn’t. I don’t have a car... I walked.” He said, and tried to smile. 

“Oh, you can’t walk home feeling like that. Louis will drive you.” She said like she was in charge of Louis actions. “It’s really not necessary.” Harry tried to be insisting, but the woman beat him at that game. 

****

None of them had said anything on the way to the house with no doors. When they held still Louis dared to look at Harry, and said, “let me explain, Harry. I can explain.” 

Harry felt empty. 

“You lied to me. You treated me like shit. There’s nothing to explain. Nothing I want to hear.” His voice was harsh. “Please.” Louis said, and looked sorrowfully at him. “Let’s meet and talk about this. Please, Harry. I can explain.” Harry let out a cynical laugh and left the car. 

****

“Niall… Niall, Wake up!” Harry shook his sleeping friend’s shoulders. The blonde mumbled something unintelligibly into his pillow, and tried to get free from Harry’s grasp. 

“We’re leaving. I’m leaving.” Harry said, and let go of his friend to find the money behind the dresser. By that Niall woke up immediately, and sat up straight. “Leaving? Now?” He said and with hair pointing in several directions. 

“Yes.” Harry said simply. “Get your stuff.” 

****  
The bright blue eyes were sparkling when Harry looked at them on the sidewalk in front of the house. He could see the excitement in them, and he felt relieved himself. 

“How will we travel? There are no busses or trains from this part of town this late.” Harry reminded his friend. 

If possible the blue eyes sparkled even more. “I have an idea.” The blonde said, and pulled something out of his pocket. He walked fast across the road to an old-looking car which was parked by the sidewalk. With his back turned against Harry, he fumbled for a while, and turned around to smile widely at Harry when he opened the car door. 

“Voilá.” Niall said proudly, and sat down on the driver’s seat. Harry felt slightly overwhelmed by what he’d just seen his best friend do. He didn’t know that was a talent of his. “Get in!” Niall laughed and reached over to unlock the other door. Harry did as he was told. 

Niall started the engine by fumbling with some wires underneath the steering wheel. The car had a lovely sound, and the relief in Harry chest felt even bigger when the car started driving. 

“We’re really doing this.” He said and looked at his smiling friend. “We are.” The blond said and glanced back at him. 

They drove in silence for a while. Niall was the first one to speak. “I’m so sorry about what I said the other day.” He kept looking straight ahead. Harry sighed. “It’s okay. Clearly, you were right.” He crossed his arms and felt cold. Niall gave him a questioning look. 

“He’s married…” Harry took a deep breath. “He’s married to doctor Calder.” He swallowed. “He doesn’t want me.” A tear slid down his cheek. Niall looked at him. “Oh, love…” He said pityingly. 

****

“What was that?” Harry said, and turned around in his car seat to look out of the back window. “What?” Niall said unaware of what his friend had seen. “Stop.” Harry said. “Pull over.” And so, Niall did.   
****

“I’m sure I saw something.” Harry said, as they walked along the roadside in the darkness. Only the red light form the taillights were lighting up the road. Niall walked behind him and said something Harry couldn’t hear.

A dark shadow on the roadside appeared before Harry. As he came closer it was clear to him, that it was a person. He walked fast the last few meters, and sat down beside the figure. Niall had seen the it too, and was quickly hoovering over the person. It was a man whose face were hidden in the concrete. 

“Is he alive?” Niall said and glanced at Harry. Harry turned the heavy body over carefully, and was surprised when he recognised the face. 

“Zayn!?” Harry and Niall exclaimed in unison. The guy opened his dark eyes slowly and blinked a few times before he was able to focus on Harry’s face. He was dirty and half-solidified blood were covering half of his face. His lips were swollen. He swallowed and whispered, “Harry?” 

Harry and Niall looked understandingly at each other. “Lets’ get him into the car.” Niall said, and moved so he was standing next to Harry. “I’ll carry him. Make sure the doors are unlocked and open.” Harry nodded, and did what his friend told him to do. 

****

Zayn groaned in pain on the backseat. “We have to get him to the hospital.” Harry said, and looked over at the blonde who was driving. He nodded. “The next hospital we get to. We can’t go back.” He said, and looked at Harry. He was right, they couldn’t go back. They were finally free.


	20. Friends

Harry woke up to the sight of Niall’s face close to his own as his blonde friend was shaking his shoulders gently. Harry was blinded by the fluorescent lamps in the ceiling. He noticed how sore his neck was, and when he moved, he realised that he’d fallen asleep on the wooden chair in the waiting room. 

Harry squinted and looked at Niall’s face. “They want to keep him here for observations throughout the night. We can leave now.” Harry sat up straight and cleared his throat. 

“We can’t just leave him. We have to come back tomorrow.” Niall nodded agreeing, “yeah, of course, but we can’t spend the night here, silly.” 

Harry leaned forward and stretched his arms before he stood up. “I’m hungry.” He said and looked at the young nurse who walked pass them. “Good. Good… That’s good.” Niall said it like he was in a trance. 

Harry wasn’t very fund of hospitals. They were big and claustrophobic at the same time. People were always busy or suffering. Soon he’d be busy giving birth at a hospital. He tried to imagined what it would be like, but gave up quickly. His hand found its way to the bump and rested on top of it like a protective armour. 

“It suits you.” Niall had noticed Harry’s hand and was smiling. Harry’s heart got warm. “Do you really think so?” He couldn’t help smiling like a proud parent. Niall laughed heartily. 

“I do. You’ll be amazing. You already are.” He said and laid his arm around Harry’s shoulders. Harry was thankful. 

****

“I could totally eat a burger right now, Ni.” Harry said as a McDonald’s sign appeared ahead of them. “Burgers it is.” The blonde said, and changed lane. 

Harry was glad that he could abstract from Louis. He’d thought about him a lot and each time it seemed to hurt even more. Louis was married. Harry didn’t understand why he’d kept it a secret, he could have told him from the very beginning. He could have told him that he didn’t want to get involved. He’d been sure that they’d shared something special. Something extraordinary, but he’d been wrong. Harry felt his throat tightening. 

Niall swung into the parking lot. “Drive in or restaurant?” Harry took a moment to answer like he was considering his options. “Restaurant.” He said and looked out of the window. The parking lot was almost empty which made Harry glad. He wasn’t in the mood for a lot of people. 

The blonde driver parked the car and got out quickly. Harry followed him into the empty restaurant and felt amazing when he ordered more than he’d be able to eat. 

Niall raised an eyebrow when he sat down with his food. “Someone’s hungry.” He said and smirked. Harry nodded and started unpacking the burgers. “For some reason Eleanor’s salmon wasn’t very appetising.” Harry said sarcastically. 

“What happened?” Niall wanted to know. Harry had to consider the question. Did anything happen? It was ridiculous how a drama could have occurred, but all that really happened was Harry leaving earlier than he was supposed to. He shrugged. “Nothing, I supposed.” Niall raised an eyebrow and ate a chicken nugget. 

“Nothing?” He said, and looked at Harry. Harry shrugged again. “Nothing. I came, we ate, I left.” They looked at each other for a while. 

“He said nothing at all?” Niall asked, and looked like he didn’t understand the complexity of the situation. “Difficult to say anything with his wife around, but he said he could explain. I don’t see what there is to explain. He’s married. I was a simple fuck.” Niall nodded. 

“What an idiot.” The blonde mumbled and ate another nugget. 

Harry was enjoying his burger. It tasted better than anything he’d ever had. He wondered if the next seven months were going to be like the first two. He was glad he didn’t have to leave alone. He was glad that Niall was there to support him and be a part of his pregnancy, and now it didn’t seem to be just the two of them. 

“What do we do about him?” Harry asked and recalled Zayn’s bruised face. “Who?” Niall looked up like he’d fallen from the sky. “Zayn.” Harry said, and couldn’t help smiling at his friend. “Oh...” Niall was thinking about Harry’s question for a while, before saying, “I suppose we either bring him along or leave him here to go home on his own.” 

Harry looked at his friend’s pink lips and wondered, “which do you prefer?” Niall shrugged and looked out of the window into the dark. “I don’t know. Guess I want to do what’s right. If he wants to come along he can, and if not… But he can’t come if he’ll be a jerk forever.” He chuckled. Harry assumed the blonde was right. He another took a bite of his burger. 

****

Harry woke up feeling surprisingly comfortable. The morning sun was shining brightly through the front window. Niall was still asleep on the seat next to him, but Harry decided he wouldn’t be much longer. The hunger he was feeling was unbelievable. 

He looked down at his stomach to check on the reason for the hunger. Gently he pulled his blue T-shirt up over the small bump, laid his hand on top of it and started making small circles on top of his skin. “Good morning, love.” He whispered, and felt tears of joy pressing in his eyelids. “You make daddy so hungry.” 

He sat like that for a while. Caressing his bump while whispering unimportant things to the tiny human being inside of him. Tears ran down his cheeks as he thought about how he didn’t understand how Louis could deny something so fine and precious. How he could deny their child. 

Harry was surprised when a warm hand dried the tears on his cheek. “Don’t be sad, love. We’ll figure it out.” Niall said and smiled a comforting smile. “I love you, and I need your help. I appreciate it... But you’re not him.” Harry whispered despairingly and felt more tears run down his face. 

Niall held Harry’s hand for a long time as he was crying. 

When he was calmed down none of them said anything, but seemed to agree that it was time to move on. 

****

Zayn’s clothes had been laundered by a kind nurse, who’d felt sorry for him. He had had a shower, and was looking better than his normal self. He was sitting on the hospital bed as Niall and Harry walked in. 

“Good morning!” Niall seemed energetic. Harry wasn’t as keen on having to deal with the dark-eyed guy. He wanted to make peace with him, but he couldn’t figure out Zayne and why the guy didn’t like him.

“Good morning.” Zayn’s voice was low and calm. He looked at Harry with a soft expression on his face. An expression Harry had never seen before. 

“Thank you for bringing me here last night.” He said. His posture was erect, but relaxed. Harry had always admired Zayn’s appearance and radiance. 

“Couldn’t just leave you in the roadside bleeding to death.” Niall said, and smiled friendly at the bruised guy on the hospital bed. “It was Harry who saw you.” He continued, clearly interested in solving the problems between the exotic guy and Harry. Harry wondered why Niall never took things like that more seriously. 

“Thank you, Harry.” Zayn’s expression almost seemed hopeful, when he looked at Harry. The curly-haired boy didn’t feel like saying anything. He gave Zayn a small smile. 

None of them said anything for a while, before Zayn asked, “are you two running away?” Niall nodded, but didn’t answer by words. Harry decided to let it go. “We are.” He said and noticed the surprised look on Zayn’s face as he spoke. 

“It’s about time.” Zayn said like it was no surprise to him. “You didn’t belong there.” Harry looked at the large sink in the corner of the room. Yellow paintings describing how to wash one’s hands hang above it. 

“You can come with us, or you can go back to the house on our own from here. We’ll give you money for the bus.” Niall was sincere. Zayn nodded and looked at the empty wall. 

“I’d like to come along.” He whispered. 

****

The trees were disappearing behind the car one by one. Harry was resting his head on the cold window. The sun beams were sharp and warm on his forehead as he looked up at the clear sky. They had been driving all day only stopping for food or when someone needed fresh air. 

The country was exposing itself in front of them. Harry had never imagined that the northern part of the country would be so beautiful. He felt at peace there, and he knew it was where he wanted to raise his child, which reminded him, “I’m hungry.” He said and sat up to look at the blonde driver who smiled. 

Zayn groaned. “Jesus Christ... You eat like you’re pregnant!” Harry turned around to look at the defined face on the back seat. It was smiling friendly at him. “In fact, I am.” Harry said and laughed shortly, so did Niall. 

Zayn’s face got passive. “You’re pregnant?” He said like it was a bad joke. Harry remembered when he’d thought that it was a joke. He nodded his curly-haired head still looking at Zayn who then smiled at him. 

“I have a male cousin who had a baby. He said it was quite painful giving birth.” Zayn said, and leaned forward putting his elbows on his knees. “But you’ll do good. You can take it, Styles.” Harry felt strange by the compliment. He’d never gotten one from Zayn before. It made him feel warm. He smiled in appreciation. 

“So, is blondie here the father?” Zayn smiled, and laid his hand on top of Niall’s head, who was trying to avoid the gesture while laughing. “God, no!” He said and added, “I mean, no offence, love.” He smiled at Harry, who said, “none taken.” Harry didn’t feel like talking about the father of his child, so he said nothing. Zayn seemed to understand and didn’t say anything else. 

After a while of silence Harry broke it, “I’m still pregnant and hungry.” 

****

Harry was devouring his salad with much pleasure when Zayn asked across the table. “Where are we even going?” Niall looked at Harry. “That’s a good question. Where are we even going, Harry?” He smiled, then he looked back at Zayn, and said, “to stay with Harry’s sister who doesn’t know we’re coming and whom, we’ve no idea, where is living.” Zayn nodded, and was obviously amused. “Excellent idea.” He said. 

Harry felt bubbles inside his head and a light feeling taking over his whole body. He started laughing like he’d never laughed before. Tears were running down his cheeks as he was leaning over the table holding onto it, while he was trying to cope with the pain in his stomach caused by the muscles contracting. Niall and Zayn laughed along, but not quite as energetic as Harry. 

“That was funny.” Harry said, as he started to calm down. He felt how his whole face was blushing and burning and how his cheeks felt sore. He felt splendid. 

“Well, why don’t we find a library and borrow a computer there? We can look her up.” Zayn was still smiling widely. “Now that…” Niall said, and patted Zayn’s shoulder, “is an excellent idea.”

****

They’d been driving for another couple of hours before they found a library. The place was small and the librarian wasn’t kind. Looking at the grey walls every day Harry wasn’t surprised by the man’s mood.

All three of them sat down by a computer. *Gemma Anne Styles* Harry typed on the keyboard and hit enter. They were lucky that only a few with that name appeared on the screen, and that the only woman living in the northern part of the country was 27 years old, and looked like Harry on her Linkdln picture. 

“She’s hot.” Niall said, and leaned in to get a proper look at the picture. Harry hadn’t seen his sister for four years. He was sitting still staring at her lovely smile. A sudden urge to meet her again appeared. A strong urge to be near her almost knocked him off the library chair. 

“Write down the address somewhere.” Zayn said, and looked at Harry like he knew, what was going through his mind. 

****

They drove until the sun went down and managed to find a cheap motel where they could spend the night. They had agreed that all three of them would share a double bed to save money. Niall was laying in the middle of the bed with Harry on one side and Zayn on the other. 

The room was dark, but Harry couldn’t fall asleep. He was listening to other’s breaths and the wind caressing the window next to his head. 

“Are you guys awake?” Zayn’s voice was quiet coming from the other side of Niall. “Yeah.” Niall and Harry said in unison. 

“I can’t get my mind off things.” Zayn continued, and Harry could hear that he was moving. “I’m so thankful for what the two of you have done for me the pass couple of day. I know I haven’t deserved it.” He paused. “I don’t mean for this to be an excuse, but an explanation to my behaviour.” Niall was lying still next to Harry, who was holding his breath. 

“Before you came to the house, Harry, Niall and I used to get along quite well. It was an important friendship to me, I had no one else. I know you didn’t turn your back to me, Niall, but that I turned my back to you. I got jealous.” Zayn took a moment to continue. “Jealous of how easily and how deeply you two connected. It was difficult… And hurtful to watch when you have nothing like that, but wanted it so badly.” Niall moved a little. “I should never have treated any of you the way I did, and I’m sorry. I really am... I hope both of you can forgive me… Eventually.” 

Harry stared into to the darkness, still listening Zayn’s voice in his mind though the guy had stopped talking. He felt sorry for Zayn. 

He understood everything now. 

Niall’s hand found its way to Harry’s, and then he whispered, “give me your hand, Zayn. We got each other now, that’s what matters.” 

Harry squeezed his blonde friend’s hand, and said “thank you” to his new friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	21. It’s over now

“We should only have a few hours left of driving.” Niall said, returning from the back of the restaurant, where they were having breakfast. “Apparently, the cook’s from around there. He said we can just follow the signs to that big city we talked about yesterday, and from there the signs we need to get to your sis’ town shows up.” The blue eyes were sparkling above the proud smile. 

“Let’s hope she lets us in.” Zayn laughed, and took another bite of his pancake. Niall made a quick grimace and sat back down at the table. Harry leaned back against the chair and laid both his hands on his bump. 

“I think he’s grown.” He said proudly, and smiled moving his hands. “Oh, there’s a bump!” Zayn exclaimed and looked eagerly at Harry's belly. 

“Yeah, that’s usually what happens when someone gets pregnant.” Niall laughed and patted Zayn’s shoulder. Zayn rolled his eyes with a smirk on his face. “I’m aware of that. I just didn’t noticed Harry’s before now.” 

Harry felt the familiar lump in his throat. The lump that seemed to be his life companion. “Do you guys think he’s too small for this state of my pregnancy?” Harry felt his heart sink in his chest. 

“How far along are you?” Zayn asked and took another bite. “About three months.” Niall leaned over and put his hand of top of Harry’s. “No love, his perfect in there. I know he is.” Harry appreciated his comforting words and the soft kiss on his cheek. 

“Is it a boy?” Zayn asked simply. Harry looked at him, and wondered how he’d managed to hide that side of himself so well for so long. “I don’t know. I just imagine that it is.” He looked back down at his bump not caring about the double chin. 

****  
Harry was sitting in the back of the car feeling slightly uneasy. The fragile wings of the butterflies in his stomach were brushing against the inside of his skin. His stomach seemed to be full of them as he thought about Gemma and how she’d react to his emergence. 

He looked up at the beige fabric above his head. If he looked carefully, he could see the patterns made of the fine threads. Harry had always been fascinated by fabrics and clothes. His mother used to work as a designer at a small clothing firm. She had been very passionate about her job. 

It made Harry wonder what his child would remember him for. He didn’t feel passionate about anything, not even life. He didn’t have any talents he wanted to make a living of. Nothing. It was nice that they’d run away. That they were free, but how could he think that he was free, when all he did was surrendering to another kind of dependence. One he couldn’t outrun. 

Harry looked out of the window at an empty field. He scratched his nose gently and listened to the blonde’s singing voice in the front seat. It was going to be okay. 

****

The car pulled up in front of a small, wooden house. Harry was leaning against the window so soaked up in the house that he was sure his forehead could break the window, and he could fall out of the car at any moment. The small garden in front of the house was well-groomed and a few big trees reminded Harry of a fairy tale. 

Niall turned around in the front seat, and looked at Harry. “Ready?” He asked simply with a friendly smile on his face. Harry nodded, and looked at the house. 

“Let’s just stay here for a few minutes.” He whispered. The two guys in the front seats didn’t answer, but he knew they understood. 

Harry was admiring the white curtains. They looked like two strips of milk floating down a calm waterfall in each window. Flowers and knickknack were adorning the windows in between the curtains. The house looked cosy, and Harry suddenly felt proud. His sister was living in there. She had created that. 

“I’m ready.” Harry said without giving his words any thoughts. He didn’t wait for the others, but got out of the car, and walked towards the front door in the wooden house. 

Harry rang the doorbell carefully, and felt a certain joy spread in his stomach when he noticed that he was alone on the doorstep. He didn’t turn around to look for the others. 

It felt like forever. Excitement and nervousness took each other’s hands and spread through his whole body starting in his chest. His heart was dancing an unfamiliar dance, but his breath remained calm. 

The door was finally opened. A young woman with a blonde, pageboy haircut appeared behind the door. Despite the change of hairstyle, Harry wasn’t doubting for a moment that this woman in front of him was, in fact, his elder sister. 

For a moment, which seemed like another eternity, the two siblings stared at each other in wonderment and surprise. Harry felt like everything, any feeling he’d ever felt inside his body, was protesting. Then it became completely still inside of him, even his heart had stopped dancing. Then something changed on his sister’s face. A loving, wide smile grew on her face. Tears were building in her eyes. 

“Harry…” She whispered, as she threw herself at him. He opened his arms and embraced her in the tightest hug this world has ever seen. There they were, on the doorstep, holding each other like they’d never let go again. 

After a while Harry’s shoulder was getting damp from his sister’s sobbing. Tears were running down his own cheeks. 

He’d come home.

For a while Harry and Gemma forgot about the world and started remembering each other. Gemma was the first to gently break the embrace to get a proper look at her little brother. She had felt the small bump, and she didn’t seem to be in any doubt when she looked at him, and down his stomach, to lay her hand on top of the dump. “Oh, Harry…” She said as new tears started streaming down her cheeks. 

Harry’s heart was overwhelmed by the everlasting love of his sister. She hadn’t forgotten who he was, or how to figure him out. She already knew more than Harry could ever tell her using words. 

He was thankful. 

“I need your help.” Was all Harry could say when he looked into his sister’s watery eyes. She moved her hand to his face and touched it gently, like she needed physical proof on his presence. She nodded her head slowly, and said, “anything you need.” 

The siblings embraced each other for another while, before Harry remembered his friends. He took a step back from his sister, and smiled at her as he dried his tears. His sister gave him an understanding look, and finally Harry turned around to face the two guys standing in the middle of the small alley leading to the front door. 

“This is Niall and Zayn. They’re my friends. We ran away and need somewhere to stay for a while.” Harry said and looked back at Gemma, who knew about his life and the prostitution. She smiled at his friends and walked pass Harry towards them, to greet them. 

Zayn politely smiled at her as she shook his hand and introduced herself, whereas Niall couldn’t hold back and kissed her hand like a proper gentleman. Gemma giggled, and Harry rolled his eyes. 

“Come inside.” She said, as she walked back towards the door followed by Zayn and Niall who gave Harry supportive looks. 

As Niall reached him, he smiled and whispered, “it’s over now, love.” 

****

All four of them were sitting around the dinner table in the old-fashioned kitchen. Harry was thankful that his sister had offered them homemade muffins and lemonade. He had been hungry, and the muffins tasted the like the best thing he’d ever had. Every meal or snack felt like that at this point. 

“I’m curious to know why you guys came here? How did you find me?” Gemma asked and looked at all three of them. “It’s very simple.” Harry said, and paused to chew before continuing, “Niall and I had nowhere else to go. We met Zayn on the way here, and by then we’d already decided to go see you.” Harry looked at his sister and slightly touched her shoulder with his hand. He felt tears pressing in his eyes. 

Niall noticed Harrys state, and nodded in agreement. “It was only natural to come here. Harry has talked so much about you for the past years. I feel like I know you quite well already, even though this is the first time we ever meet… Besides, Harry was quite sure you’d let us in.” The blonde laughed shortly, and Gemma’s smile was warm. 

“It must have been such a long drive here. Or have you moved from that city? I forgot its name.” Harry didn’t feel like he was in any state of talking right now. The tears were streaming down his cheeks as his sister gently rubbed his back. 

“It’s probably the hormones.” Niall said alluded to Harry. “But it was a long trip, indeed.” Gemma seemed uninterested in the trip when the blonde reminded her of the bump she’d felt earlier. She looked down at Harry’s stomach and carefully placed her hand on top of it. 

She looked at Harry’s face and dried his tears. Her eyes were warm and loving. “When will I become an auntie?” Her voice was low, but slightly excited. A wide smile showed off her white teeth. 

“In seven months.” Harry sopped and tried a small smile. Gemma leaned in closer to Harry. He could feel the warmth of her body, as she gently put his hair behind his ear. She looked like their mother. She even smelled like her. A certain calmness he hadn’t felt since he was a child spread inside of him. 

“You’ll do so well. You already are. I can tell.” She said, and laid a soft kiss on his forehead before she sat back up. Harry was thankful that she didn’t ask more questions. He knew they’d come, but right now she left him alone. 

She looked at all of them and said, “you guys can stay here for as long as you want. You’re lucky there are many small rooms in this house that I’m not using, but we have to go buy some beds and stuff like that for all of you.” 

Her smile was still wide as she looked around the table. Zayn nodded with a small smile on his face and Niall said, “Yeah, of course. Harry and I have saved some money, so if we can go somewhere, like a second-hand store, it’ll be fine.” He’s smile was as wide as Gemma’s. “It’s just beds anyway.” He added and shrugged. 

Gemma laughed gently, as she ran her fingers through her hair. “It’s fine you guys. I can help you out financially until you find yourselves some jobs.” 

Harry noticed the way his blonde friend was looking at his sister. She didn’t notice, but Harry understood what he was looking at.

****

“Harry! Don’t lift anything heavy!” Niall yelled from the living room as Harry bent down in the driveway to pick up one of the bedposts. He’d forgotten that he wasn’t supposed to lift things, and he felt bad immediately. He was so dump, but thankful when Zayn snapped him out of his thoughts. 

“Bad, bad boy.” He laughed gently, and bent down to pick up the bedpost in front of Harry’s feet. The brown eyes smiled at him, as he stood back up. They both stood still for a moment looking at each other. 

Harry was amazed by Zayn. He was sorry that he’d been missing out on this side of the guy for so long. He couldn’t tell if Zayn was thinking the same thing. He still wasn’t familiar with the dark eyes, but they were looking intensively at him. Many thoughts seemed to pass behind them. 

“Harry?” Zayn almost whispered his name. They were standing close to each other. Harry swallowed lightly and looked into the brown eyes. “Is it going to be just you?” 

Harry blinked quickly a few times, and wondered if he should pretend that he didn’t know what the exotic guy meant, but he did. He knew every well, so he nodded. “Just me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Let me know what you think. 
> 
> Don't get too comfortable with this new-found peace in Harry's life. I can't promise it'll continue...


	22. About Dreams

Harry was looking at the big oven and the bread baking inside it as he was wondering what Gemma had planned for dinner. Most of the days inside Harry’s mind was spent thinking about his baby, food or Louis. Not much else had seemed to have any importance in his life since the run-away one and half month ago. Not until now. 

He’d been working at a bakery half-time for a week now, and he was more than thankful to get out of the house to see other people, than his two friends and his sister. Gemma had many contacts from her job a freelancer, so she’s been helpful in all the guys’ job hunting. 

Harry was caressing his obvious baby bump, as the bread got darker. He felt proud when he noticed, for the hundredth time, that the skin on his stomach was feeling stretched out. It was a good sign. His baby was growing. Though, he was happy, Harry felt a ticklish feeling of anxiety run quickly through his body and disappear into the oven, while he thought about his pregnancy. He wasn’t alone, but he felt like he was. 

“Curly, do you know where Zia left the form for today’s sale?” Harry thought, Nick had a strange way of approaching him. They’d only known each other for a handful of days, and yet the older man acted like they went way back. 

Harry turned his head, struggling a bit when he had to give his attention to the man. “I don’t, sorry.” He did the best he could to smile friendly when he answered. It seemed to work. Nick’s smile grew wider, and his reaction was a short laugh and a nod. 

“S’ everything okay?” Nick asked as he moved a few things on the counter. Harry wasn’t sure what he meant, but when the dark-green eyes looked at his hand on top of the bump, he understood. 

“Oh… Yeah. I was just lost in my own thoughts for a moment.” Harry sighed lightly before saying, “I’ll get back to work.” Nick laughed again. It wasn’t a special laugh, but it was friendly and it made Harry feel comfortable. “Don’t worry about it. We’re not busy right now.” The man said showing of his teeth. 

“Zia and Jessica are serving the customers anyway. We’re not busy this time a day.” Harry nodded as the man got closer. Not uncomfortably close, but Harry noticed that he wanted to take a step back. 

“So, curly… What brought you to this excuse of a town?” Nick’s hair reminded Harry of something. Nick’s whole appearance seemed familiar to him, but he couldn’t put a finger on it. He knew that the man wanted nothing but good things for him. 

“I lost my job where I used to live. I was stuck there, so a few friends and I decided to leave.” Harry swallowed. “It was quite impulsive. My sister lives here, so we’re crashing at her place now. We’ll saty there for a while, but it’s all good.”

Nick’s head was tilted slightly to the right as Harry spoke. The man was very straight forward, and didn’t try to hide his obvious fascination by Harry. “Must be nice to get to spend a lot time with your sister like that? Most adult siblings don’t get to do that.” Harry could only agree with him, but he couldn’t think of any words that would be sufficient to show his emotions towards his sister. “It truly is.” Was all Harry came up with. 

Nick nodded again. “And what about the other dad?” He said, and looked at Harry’s bump under the white t-shirt and nodded towards it. 

The other dad… 

“There is no other dad.” Harry said, and hoped he’d ended that part of the conversation, but Nick was determined and pushy. “What happened?” Harry was thankful that the oven deeped just then to let them know that the bread done baking. 

The two men worked well as a pair. Harry was removing the breads from the warm baking pan as Nick was holding it. Harry wished that his life had always been this easy and comfortable. Going to work in the daylight, having nice colleagues and a stable income. He wasn’t missing the street or anything about it. In the evenings, him and Niall would sometimes lie next to each other on the blonde’s bed and talk about Johnny, and wonder how he’d reacted when he found out that they’d ran away. 

“So, no other dad, huh?” Nick was insisting as they continued their teamwork. “No. It didn’t work out.” Harry kept looking at the bread. It smelled heavenly and he immediately felt hungry. Nick stopped working, and looked at Harry in way, which made it clear that Harry was supposed to look back. He did. 

“I’m sorry about that, curly.” The green eyes were sincere, and Harry was thankful for that. He gave the man a view of his teeth in a friendly smile. 

“You’re very beautiful when you smile. Adorable dimples.” Harry laughed shortly, and noticed the lump in his throat. “If you’re available, I’d like to show you around town someday. Take you out to dinner.” The lump grew wider in Harry’s throat when he looked around the kitchen. He put a hand in his hair as he said, “sure. Sounds nice.” 

****

Exhaustedly Harry plumped onto the kitchen chair. His feet felt like they’d grown by, at least, three sizes throughout the day, and his back was aching. He bent over, and noticed how thankful he was that he was still able to reach his own feet, to pull off his socks, despite his growing belly. 

He reached for the chair next to him, and placed it in front of his legs so he could sit back and rest his legs on it. Harry sighed in relief. This was life. 

Today’s work had been nice and cosy. He liked working at the bakery, but the fact that 5 hours of work, only half way through his pregnancy was killing him, had taken Harry by surprise. He was fearing the next four and a half months. 

The baby had grown quite a lot. Gemma had insisted that he went to see the doctor in town, who’d check up on him and the baby, and follow through with the pregnancy. The doctor had said that everything was perfectly fine, and that the baby seemed to be healthy and grow as it was supposed to. Harry had said no when doctor asked whether he wanted to know the gender of the baby. It didn’t matter to him whether it was a boy or a girl. The chid would be amazing anyhow. Harry was caressing the bump gently when Zayn stepped into the kitchen and cut off his thoughts. 

“Hey Harrold.” Zayn smiled and walked up to the fridge. “Hi Zaynie.” Harry laughed and turned his head to look in the direction of the exotic guy. “Care to give me some lemonade?” Harry asked, and put on an innocent face, when Zayn lifted his eyebrow and looked at him. Harry could see the sparkles in the dark eyes. 

“Rough day?” Zayn asked when he sat down across the table. Harry took a swig of the lemonade like he needed to consider the answer. “Not really. Just surprised how exhausting being pregnant is.” Zayn nodded like he knew what Harry was talking about. 

“What about your day?” Harry asked and moved the glass around on the table. “How’s the clothing store?” Zayn took a deep breath. Harry always wondered how he could seem so distant and present at the same time. “S’ all good. I like it there. People are nice and the sale’s really attracting customers, ya know.” The long hair was moving when Harry nodded. He thought about his old customers. 

Thoughtfully Harry said, “we’re lucky Gemma knows people.” He silently thanked himself for being brave enough to come and ask her for help when he needed it the most. “Your sister’s a wonderful person.” Harry could only agree. 

They sat in silence for a while until Harry wondered, “how did you end up being one of Johnny’s employees?” Zayn’s face changed a little when Harry asked him that question. He looked at the curly-haired lad in a way Harry didn’t quite understand. 

“I moved out of my parents’ place quite early. Wasn’t getting along with my old man. I wanted to do these crazy things with my life which he didn’t approve of. I wanted to make rap-music and do street art, so I ran off one day. It wasn’t really moving out… I met this artsy guy who’s couch I could crash on, and we started working together. He taught me a lot about art, but eventually I fell in love with him. He found a few girlfriends, so it was time for me to leave.” Zayn stopped to get up and fill his glass with water before sitting back down. “By that time I was singing at one of those underground bars, ya know, and I lived there for a while. One night Johnny stepped into the bar, and promised me a brighter future than the one I was in for at that time, so I believed him.” Zayn shrugged. “I was willing to believe anything at that point.” 

Zayn was looking at his glass when he finished telling his story. Harry understood now. He and Zayn weren’t so different; they both knew what it meant to be lost. 

“How old were you?” Harry placed his hand unconsciously on top of his bump. “17 when I met Johnny. 24 now.” The green eyes met the brown eyes. They looked at each other for a long moment. He felt sadness. Sadness for the beautiful being sitting across of him. 

“Did you let go of your dreams?” Harry’s voice was lower than he intended it to be. Zayn shook his head. “Never. Now that I’m free I think about it constantly. I want to do something about it someday… Soon.” Harry nodded his head understandingly. 

“What are your dreams, Harrold?” The dark eyes were intense. Harry felt like he had no answer which wouldn’t disappoint the passionate eyes in front of him. 

“Happiness.” He shrugged, but it seemed to be enough for an answer. Zayn smiled. 

****

Loud giggles woke up Harry from his nap. He kept his eyes closed for a while, and appreciated the warmth and softness of the bed which was caressing his body. Sleeping in a proper bed, his own bed, was one of the best things which had happened to Harry in a long time. 

His body no longer felt numb. When he stretched his arms, and opened his eyes a gentle smile found its way to his lips. He had no special reason to smile, but he did. 

Slowly he pulled off the blanket and turned over to get out of bed. The floor was cool underneath his warm feet, but he didn’t mind. Soon he’d be warm in the kitchen enjoying his sister’s homemade meal and the company of the others. 

Light-footed Harry walked through the small corridor towards the kitchen. He was hungry as usual. He opened the door, and took a step into the kitchen, but stopped surprised by what he saw. He felt his cheeks blush like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jaw. 

He cleared his throat. “Well… This is interesting.” He said, trying to make it seem like it was no big deal. Gemma pulled away from Niall’s grasp immediately while a shy smile spread across her face. She tried to get her clothes back in place as Harry looked at his blonde friend’s wild hair and goofy smile. 

It took a while before any of them said anything. “Hungry again, Mr. Pregnant?” Niall laughed, and turned around to sit down on a chair. Harry hummed and walked towards the fridge, hoping to find a banana or ten in there. 

“Sorry, Harry. This wasn’t how you were supposed to find out.” Gemma said behind his back. Harry reached for a banana, and turned around to look at his sister. 

He smiled. He was glad that she cared enough to bother. “I’d seen it coming. It’s fine, really.” He was trying to open the banana feeling more worried about the hunger he felt, than his sister’s bad nerves. 

Gemma laughed shortly, and touched her hand like their mother used to do. “Seriously, Gems. Of course, I would’ve liked my suspicions to be confirmed differently, but it’s all good. I’m happy if the two of you are.” Harry sighed in relief when he finally succeeded opening the banana. “We are.” Niall confirmed with a wide smile on his face.

“So, you’re a couple now...?” Harry wanted to know before chewing on his banana. Gemma looked at Niall with a questioning face, but the blonde didn’t seem to react. “We’re just… Figuring things out.” She said, and touched her hair. Harry could feel the laughter starting in his stomach coming out of his mouth. 

“Are you fucking my sister for no particular reason, Horan?” Harry crossed his arms and tried to seem like he was upset, but didn’t succeed when the sparkling, blue eyes narrowed and a loud laugh escaped his friend’s lips. Niall got up from the chair, and took a few quick steps towards Harry putting his arm around the taller lad’s neck to make him bend over, so he could rub his knuckles in the long, curly hair making it a mess. 

“You’re just jealous, love... Just jealous.” Niall was laughing loudly, as Harry was making a fuzz to get away. Gemma was just standing there, not seeming to understand what she was witnessing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Niall and Gemma is a thing now. I hope you enjoy the story - as always, let me know what you think. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	23. Calm

“So, you and Grimshaw, huh?” Gemma said while stirring the pot. Harry was standing next to his sister, resting his hip on the kitchen counter so he could look at her while she was cooking dinner. 

“Where did you pick that up?” Harry looked into the pot trying to seem uninterested in the subject. “I know people, Styles Junior. So, it’s true?” The curly-haired boy felt his heart stop for a moment as he thought about Louis. 

“It’s not. He said he’d show me around and buy me dinner. S’ all.” Harry crossed his arms on top of his pregnant belly, while looking at his sister’s pretty face. Her smile was goofy. “If you say so, but I know Grimshaw. He’s definitely thinking of it differently.” 

“What’s he thinking, then?” Harry wanted to know, feeling uneasy as Louis’ face grew bigger in front of his inner eye. “He’s thinking that you’re a catch, and he wants to get into your pants.” Gemma laughed, but stopped when she looked at her younger brother. 

“Oh, Harry… What is it?” She said lowering her voice. Harry wasn’t sure what it was. He wanted to be happy. He wanted to enjoy the attention he was getting for being himself and not someone’s dirty fantasy in some godforsaken street, but he couldn’t be happy. He couldn’t be happy, when all he could think about, was how the one person, he wanted to acknowledge him, didn’t. 

Gemma moved closer to Harry. She looked him in the eyes, when she continued using her low voice, “it’s not about Nick, is it?” Harry shook his head feeling childish, but unable to respond differently. He didn’t want to use words. His sister understood. She nodded her head gently, and returned to the pot. 

“What’s he like?” She asked, and looked at Harry before stirring. He let seconds pass. 

“Calm…” Harry said, and swallowed. “He’s very calm. Sincere. Creative. Smart.” He looked at the tip of his feet. Soon he wouldn’t be able to see his feet at all. “He’s beautiful on the inside and the outside.” 

Gemma continued nodding her head. “What went wrong?” Harry tried to think of a way to sugar code the situation, but he couldn’t come up with a proper solution. “He paid me, and he was married… But it wasn’t like that. There was something more, something special. I know there was, and he felt it too.” Maybe he was talking to himself, trying to convince himself that the hurt he was feeling was justified. 

Gemma didn’t react. Her face was calm and without expressions. She was looking into the pot, when she asked, “does he know?” Harry nodded his head, knowing she was looking out of the corner of her eye. 

“But he let you leave?” Harry rubbed his hands against his cheeks. “He doesn’t know I left. His wife was my doctor, and I didn’t know… I didn’t know he was married. I found out the night we left. He said he could explain, but it was too late. I had already decided to leave.” 

Gemma turned around. “You love him…” She said looking into the fridge. It wasn’t a question, and it wasn’t meant to Harry to hear in particular. It was a statement. A statement like the ones his mother used to make. 

When she was back in front of the stove Harry looked at her, and said, “I do. I do love him.” He wished he could add, “and he loves me.” 

Harry’s older sister gave him a knowing look. “Why didn’t you fight for him, then?” Her voice was firm. Harry couldn’t think of an answer, and for a while none of them said anything.

“You deserve better than what you let yourself have, Harry. I know things has been tough. That life has been tough. I know what happened was cruel, but it was never you fault. It never will be.” Gemma stopped what she was doing and looked at Harry. 

“It is not your fault.” She was looking through his eyes into his soul. 

****

He hadn’t fought for Louis. Was that what went wrong? Harry’s heart started aching. He should have reacted differently. He should have done something. Anything. He hadn’t, and now he was standing alone in front of the big mirror in his room. 

He had taken off his shirt and his jeans were unbuttoned, simply because he wasn’t able to button them anymore and hadn’t had the courage to go shopping for maternity clothes yet. Small stretch marks were already showing on the sides of his belly. Harry felt certain that if Nick ever got to see him without clothes, at this state, he’d change his mind about getting into his pants right away. 

His bump was at the size of a water melon. An asymmetric water melon. It was sticking out in the middle, more pointy than the bellies of the pregnant women he was watching in the streets. Not that he minded, though the bird tattoos on top of his hips were looking ridiculous being stretched like that. 

He hadn’t felt the baby kick or move for good, but he felt small movement now and then, and when he touched his stomach those movements mostly felt like the baby was caressing the inside of his skin, telling him hello. The memories of those precious moments put a fragile smile on Harry’s lips. He had so much love for the small human being growing inside of him, but he wasn’t sure how to deal with it. He wasn’t good at showing his emotions explicitly, and sometimes, when they others got all fussy because of the bump and the baby, he felt wrong. It wasn’t that he didn’t care. He did, very much. 

Harry switched weight on his feet while staring at his round belly wondering what was wrong with him. 

Then he knew it. He was scared. 

Harry walked over to the wardrobe and found a black, tight polo neck. He put it on, pleased by the fact that it was long enough to cover the unbuttoned button in his jeans. He put up his hair in a loose bun, put on a few finger rings and some deodorant.

****

“You’re looking sexy tonight, Curly.” Nick smirked, as he opened the door to the café. Harry wasn’t feeling sexy. He had already regretted putting on the tight blouse. He smiled at the man and walked inside. 

As soon as he was inside the cosy atmosphere of the place took his breath away. People were sitting on leather chairs or sofas at small, round tables looking like cropped logs. Large, green plants were everywhere, and so was the silent music. 

Harry felt himself tense when Nick laid a hand on his lumbar guiding him to one of the tables in the corner. Nick’s hand felt invading on his body, and the calm atmosphere the place had oozed of seconds ago was not calm anymore. 

Nick didn’t say a word, but smiled when he moved his hand away from Harry’s lumbar onto the chair the curly-haired boy was supposed to sit on. Like a gentleman, he pulled out the chair and waited for Harry to sit down. Harry, who wasn’t sure whether he felt like laughing or crying. 

“It’s a nice in here. Do you come here often?” Harry asked, looking around pretending that he hadn’t already scanned the place. Something had to break the silence. The silence made his heart race. 

“I don’t.” Nick said, and looked directly at Harry with his curious eyes. “But I’ve always felt like going inside when I walked pass the windows. Thought it looked cosy in here.” Harry nodded looking around again trying to avoid Nick’s large eyes. 

“So, curly…” Nick said, and Harry felt like he knew what was coming. He wanted to avoid it. “Tell me about yourself. I know nothing about you.” Harry’s eyes found the man’s face again. He smiled, and said, “there’s not much to know.” Nick laughed gently. “I doubt that.” And Harry didn’t know what to tell him. There was nothing about his life he wanted to share with this stranger.

“Why did you ask me out?” Harry moved on his chair. Nick had a grin on his face. “Why wouldn’t I?” He asked, and took the menu card. “Well…” Harry wasn’t sure how to respond to that without feeling more uneasy. “Clearly, you’re not the first person to ask me out.” Harry said, and stroke his bump gently before removing his hand not wanting to draw too much attention to it. 

“Oh… That!” Nick was laughing again. “Naa… I don’t care. You’re a nice person. Smart, and have a hell of a sex appeal even pregnant. Can’t blame your ex for knocking you up.” Harry tried to laugh like Nick did. “So, I just want to get to know you and see where that takes us. I don’t mind the baby at all, if that was a part of your question.” Harry nodded, and reached for the other menu card. 

****

“I had a nice time.” Nick smiled warmly at Harry as he turned his face to get a proper look of the pregnant male on the seat next to him. Harry liked Nick’s car. It was big and warm. It reminded him of Hamilton. 

“Me too. It was lovely, and thanks again for the tea.” Harry smiled back, and knew what was about to happen even before Nick started leaning in to catch his lips. The man’s movements were slow, almost endless. Hours seemed to pass before the warm lips were caressing his own. The kiss was gentle and almost non-existing at first, then Nick placed his soft hand on Harry cheek and pressed against his lips properly. Harry liked the kiss. It was a nice kiss, especially when the unfamiliar lips pulled away a little to gently suck on his lower lip. 

Harry couldn’t help smiling when they were looking at each other again. “I better get inside.” He said, and didn’t get a respond before he was outside in the fresh night air. 

****

When Harry entered the kitchen to get himself a late-night snack, he could her his sister’s loud voice in the living room. She was usually asleep this time at night, and he wondered if Niall was keeping her up. The blonde was quite a night owl. 

The snack had to be a banana, Harry decided, before he turned around to check things out where the loud voice was coming from. He walked fast through the corridor, slightly regretting it when he’s swollen feet hurt with each step he took. 

Soon enough he was standing by the door not really noticing the familiar blue eyes staring at him before his entire body was responding to the stare. The room had turned completely silent. Harry wasn’t sure whether the others had left. He could only focus on Louis’ calm face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Louis is back... I know some of you have been waiting for that for a while now, so let's see for how long he's staying. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed today's chapter. 
> 
> Leave your thoughts below, thanks!


	24. I came for you

Louis’ eyes were all over his face, consuming him. They were staring, insisting, but calm. Always calm. 

If Harry hadn’t been sure that his legs weren’t moving, he would’ve thought that the eyes were dragging him closer. Closer than he’d ever been to them. The blue eyes were staring into his own, and though Harry couldn’t tell what was going on behind them, they seemed to be hurt. Sad. Then they travelled down his face, to his plump lips, down his throat to his chest, and down his pregnant upper body. They stopped at the round belly, and looked at it, while all time there was left in the world, was passing by. 

Louis swallowed before he looked back up at Harry’s face. The lips Harry had kissed so many times parted like they were about to form a word, but nothing came out. Harry shifted the weight on his feet, and laid his palms flat on his back. His body was aching. Louis’ eyes stole a gleam of the pregnant belly again when Harry moved, like they needed an excuse to look at it. 

“Harry…” Louis’s eyes were looking into his own. His voice was rusty, and sounded the same way as the stubbles looked on his cheeks. The bags under his eyes were heavy, and his hair was longer and greasier than Harry had seen before. 

“Louis.” He felt completely empty inside, not a single thought was living in his mind. All he could feel was his aching back and the lump in his throat. 

“Breath.” Louis said simply, while looking at him, then Harry did. He’d forgotten. He’d been caught in the heat of the moment. Then he remembered, “why are you here?” He said, rubbing his back with both hands, not taking his eyes away from the beautiful face he’d been missing for so long. 

Louis took a moment to answer. He was considering what to say Harry knew that. “I came for you.” And Harry couldn’t help feeling relieved. Something was bubbling inside of him in the middle of his chest, but he refused to let it show. He couldn’t. Not now, not yet. 

“Seems like a long trip for something you’ve already given up on.” The expression on Louis face changed quickly, and Harry knew the expression. He’d seen it before. After a few seconds his expression was calm again, and the blue eyes were searching Harry’s face. 

“I want to talk to you. Properly. I want a chance to explain myself.” Though Louis’ voice was rusty, Harry could tell that it was determined and sincere. He knew that the beautiful man had come all way to talk to him. Harry figured he must have had something important to say, so he nodded his curly-haired head and looked around. They were alone. 

“I’m tired and my whole body’s aching.” Harry said, reminding the blue eyes of the bump which they found. “You must be tired too. You look like you are. I’m sure my sister has a mattress you can borrow.” Louis nodded in agreement, and looked back up at Harry’s face. A small smile found its way to his inviting lips. 

“I don’t have to sleep here. I’ll find a hotel nearby.” Harry knew, by the way Louis said it, that he was thankful, but being polite. Harry was determined to be insisting like Louis’ wife had been. 

“There’s no hotel nearby... Just sleep here, it’s no big deal, this house is full of empty rooms.” Louis nodded again as he stood up. “Thank you.” He mumbled as he bent forward to brush off his thighs. 

Harry had forgotten what the man looked like standing up, tall and proud. He’d forgotten about his board shoulders and lean figure. His strong thighs. His secure hands and long fingers which had done unspeakable things to Harry. The lump in Harry’s throat felt different. It was less suffocating as Harry tried to remember every single tattoo underneath Louis black blouse and what his lips felt like on his neck. 

“I would’ve showered and dressed up nicely for you, but the trip was longer and more exhausting than I’d expected.” Louis was looking at him with sparkles in his eyes. Harry swallow and ran a hand through his hair. 

“Don’t worry. You still look good.” He said, not knowing where to look. “So do you.” Louis said without any doubt and once again, his eyes found the baby bump. 

“You’ve gotten big already.” Louis licked his lips as he looked into Harry’s green eyes. “I’m supposed to get big.” Harry said being torn between feeling insulted or honoured. 

“Yes…” Louis smiled. “Yes, I know that. I just… I’m glad you’re doing well. You look well. And that the baby is too.” 

That was the first time Harry heard Louis speak of ‘the baby’. When he didn’t answer, Louis said, “I know it’s mine.” He looked at Harry with sincere eyes. “I’m so sorry, Harry.” 

He left Harry confused until he added, “about the way I treated you, I mean. I was horrible, and if I could do it all over again and change everything, I swear to God, I would... I really would.” The blue eyes seemed restless, and the hands were trembling through the dark hair. Louis swallowed and kept eye contact with the younger boy, who didn’t know what to say besides, “so, you got the results?” Louis nodded, but kept quiet. 

“What about your wife?” Harry almost choked on the word ‘wife’. “She knows. The results came back to her.” Harry could only imagine how devastated the doctor must have been. How it must have felt to find out, on black and white, that her husband, who she’d tried to have a child with for so many years, had ran off and knocked up somebody else. Harry felt sorry for her. He’d liked her. 

“Is that why you’re here? Because she kicked you out?” He tried to cross his arms on top of the bump, but felt ridiculous immediately. 

“No! God no, I would have left her anyway, Harry. Even if I’d never met you. I don’t love her, I haven’t for a very long time.” Louis took a deep breath. “Then you came around and reminded me of what it was like to care for someone. To invest in someone. I know I fucked up badly, and I don’t blame you for rejecting me now, but I want you to understand… I need you to understand.” 

Harry watched the soft lips speak, and he kept watching them when they stopped. “I can’t have this conversation right now. I’m too tired.” Harry knew that Louis would understand. 

“Let’s find you something to sleep on.” He said, and walk out of the living room being very aware of the beautiful man’s movements behind him. 

****  
The room was dark. Harry could hear the clock tick on the wall. The ticking seemed to get louder and louder as he tried harder and harder to fall asleep, but it seemed hopeless. Pointless. All he could see when he closed his eyes were Louis’ blue eyes and all he could hear was his rusty voice. Maybe life wasn’t so bad after all, or maybe it was playing tricks on him. He knew he couldn’t surrender to Louis just like that, it was too risky. 

Instead Harry tried to think about the big, green eyes he’d been on the date with, but didn’t succeed when the baby inside of him slightly moved. His mind was back to its father right away. 

He tried to remember what it was like to lay in bed next to Louis. He’d only done that one time in the hotel room. Louis had held him tight like he’d never let him go and the next morning, when Harry had experienced morning sickness, he’d taken care of him. 

The same morning the beautiful man had laid down on top of him, gently resting his body on top of Harry’s as he’d thrusted into his sweet collection of nerves, which he was so good at locating, until Harry’s body couldn’t take it anymore and was twitching underneath his weight. 

The memories caused Harry’s blood to rush through his veins when he noticed a feeling he hadn’t felt for years. Lust. He wanted Louis, but he couldn’t have him. Not now. Instead he closed his eyes and kept thinking about the special morning in the hotel room as his hand found its way into his underwear. 

****

“Morning sunshine.” Niall smiled all over his face when Harry entered the kitchen. Relieved that nobody else, Louis, wasn’t there. 

“Good morning, blondie.” Harry smiled, and walked straight towards the fridge not really believing that he was capable of being that hungry. 

“So, did you get to talk to Daddy number two last night?” Niall gave him that look. Harry knew exactly what it meant. 

“No. It was late.” Harry tried to make it clear, by the tone of his voice, that it wasn’t funny. “Why did you let him in?” 

Niall shrugged and said, “Zayn did. He didn’t know who he was, and apparently, he’d asked for Gemma, so the poor guy didn’t stand a chance. Think he would’ve anyway. We all know you two need to talk, love.” 

Harry sighed and sat down with his bowl of oatmeal. “You better listen to what he’s got to say. I simply can’t stand seeing you like this anymore. It’s ridiculous, and he’s obviously sorry. Nobody’s ever travelled three days straight just to talk to me, risking being rejected, that’s for sure.” Niall’s voice was piercing and almost giving Harry a headache. He didn’t answer. 

Someone cleared his throat behind Harry’s back as he walked into the kitchen, and seconds later Louis’ voice rang for his ears, “good morning.” Harry returned the greeting with an almost non-existing mumbled, feeling his cheeks slightly burn from the embarrassment of what he’d done last night. He hadn’t felt that good since the last time he’d been with Louis.

“How are you feeling?” Louis asked, sitting down next to Harry giving him a searching look. Harry swallow under the gaze of the blue eyes. “I’m good.” He bit his lips, and remembered his good manners, “… Thanks… How are you?” 

The sweet lips smiled. “I’m good too, thanks. Had a good night’s sleep. I did mean ‘how are you feeling’ in relation to morning sickness, though.” If Harry’s cheeks hadn’t been burning, they were now. 

“Oh… I don’t… It’s not an issue anymore... Well, usually it’s not.” He tried to smile while staring into the blue eyes. Louis nodded his head and broke the eye contact to look at Niall. 

“Hope you’re good too.” Louis said, and only got a nod in return. “There’s breakfast in the cupboard if you’re up for it.” Niall’s mouth was full of oatmeal. Louis smiled, and Harry’s heart felt strange. 

“Aren’t you a little late for work, Harrold?” Niall asked, and looked at him with a grin on his face. Harry hadn’t noticed the time. He stood up quickly, relieved that the dizziness wasn’t an issue anymore. 

“Will we get a chance to talk today?” Louis asked when Harry stood next to him by the sink. Harry looked at the beautiful face and smiled. Now he had a memory to get him through the day. 

“Yes.” He said, and turn around to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the chapter was enjoyable! 
> 
> ****
> 
> I've received a comment on the length of the story and the fact that it seems to drag out. It has been my intention all along to keep the story going until Harry gives birth, which means that there'll still be another (at least) 5 chapters left, but if all of you readers generally got the feeling that it's only dragging out, I see no reason to spend time writing another handful of chapters or more (probably more). So please, let me know what you think about that. 
> 
> Leave your thoughts below, thanks!


	25. Excuses and Explanations

“I’m sorry I’m late!” Was the first thing Harry said when he entered the bakery. Nick looked up and smiled his usual smile, not seeming to be bothered by Harry’s lateness. “No worries curly, and good morning.” 

Harry gave him a smile as he took off his jacket. “I hope you haven’t suffered from nightmares about our date last night, and that’s what made you late.” Nick laughed, and looked back at the papers he was organising. Harry had forgotten about the date. 

“No… No, of course not. Just morning sickness.” Harry still hated lying and felt like everyone could see right through him, when he did. 

Nick looked back at him, and then down at his bump. “I understand. Like I said, no worries.” His voice was calmer than usual, and Harry felt his toes curl in discomfort. 

“Do you mind putting frosting on the muffins? I’m in middle of something, as you can see.” Nick kept looking at him with a strange expression on his face. Harry shook his head, turn around and put his hair up in a bun before putting on an apron and washing his hands. He knew that he looked quite ridiculous wearing an apron on top of his round belly, but his boss had insisted that they wore one, and Harry wasn’t one to make a fuss, so he did. 

As he grabbed the frosting he wondered what Louis would spend the day doing. He had no idea what the man did in his spare time when he wasn’t playing music. Harry realised how little he knew about the father of his child, and so he felt the familiar lump grow in his throat. 

He tried to imagine Louis sitting in Gemma’s old chair reading a book and sipping tea. The mental image made him smile to himself as he moved his hands steadily above the muffins. Maybe Louis wasn’t much of a reader. Harry could imagine the calm expression on the man’s face working, busy and dealing with a case, but not without a purpose. He’d have to find out if he’d get a chance to. 

Maybe Louis would leave him again. Change his mind and leave. 

“Why are you smiling, curly?” Nick whispered, dangerously close to Harry’s ear. He had been to soaked up in Louis to notice that Nick had left the table, and was now standing behind him. 

“Just a memory.” Harry chose to ignore the flickering of his eyes and barely shaking hands as he tried to concentrate on the frosting. 

“Oh, yeah?” Harry felt Nicks warm hand move a wisp of hair behind his ear, but he continued working. The attention was causing the lump in his throat to grow bigger, down his thorax and fasten to his heart. He felt uneasy. 

“Love it when you smile. I could die for those dimples.” And Harry couldn’t help thinking how he’d love to hear that coming from someone else’s mouth.   
A voiceless “thank you” was all he gave Nick. The man chuckled behind him. 

“Hey, now. Pay me some attention.” He reached for the frosting bag in Harry’s cold hands, leaving the boy defenceless, and unable to do anything else than what the man had required. The curly-haired boy turned around and looked at the elongated face in front of him which was leaning closer to his own. 

Nick’s lips were suddenly on top of his own. They were insisting, and Harry felt like he was unable to move. Then he remembered that he’d have to kiss the man back. He didn’t want any misunderstandings. Harry was glad that Nicks lips were soft and somewhat caring, but he felt his entire body loosen up when the man moved away to catch his breath. 

“Fancy another date?” Nick smirked, and Harry didn’t know what else to say than “yes”. 

****  
When Harry was back home later the same afternoon, the house was completely still, and Louis immediately came to his mind. Harry noticed a feeling of disappointment rush through his veins when he didn’t find the beautiful man anywhere around. However, it didn’t change the fact that his body was aching, and that he needed to rest. 

Harry wandered through the house, and was pleased when he opened the door to his room, and found his bed unmade. As he was standing by the door, he looked down at his belly, and noticed that he sometimes forgot, that it was getting big enough to cover the view to his legs. He let his hands slide over the belly, and down to the line of his jeans to pull them down. 

With a hand gently resting on top of the baby bump, Harry took a few steps towards the bed and laid down quickly. The relief was incredible. His feet were the worst part. They tend to swell and hurt. 

As Harry was caressing his belly, he wondered if any of the things he’d gone through had served a purpose. His life had been meaningless for years since the death of his parents. His troubled teenage life with foster families, and meeting Johnny to become one of his workers. Now he was reunited with his sister, and had a life growing inside of him. He looked down at his hand, still caressing the bump, and smiled. He understood now. Everything served a purpose. 

The sound of loud steps spread in the air when it occurred to Harry that he wasn’t home alone. Slowly he removed the blanket, which had offered him warmth and comfort, to sit up straight, being prepared for whoever would enter his room. His bare, hairy legs were sprawling lazily on the bed underneath the pregnant upper body, which was making Harry wish, that he’d had time to get up and get dressed before he heard the knock on the door. Seeing Louis appear behind it didn’t make him feel better about himself. 

“Hi. I thought I heard someone come home.” Louis’ voice was low and friendly. He looked good wearing a green t-shirt while casually leaning against the open door. 

“Yeah, was just me. I looked to see if anyone was home, but I didn’t find you, or I would’ve said hi, of course.” Harry fumbled with the bottom of his t-shirt, feeling ridiculous that he even bothered. There was nothing he could do to match up with the beauty by his door. 

Louis smiled. “Of course…” He said, and moved not looking casual anymore. Harry didn’t know the expression on his face, but understood what he had to do, when he realised that Louis had run out of things to say. 

“Would you like to have a seat?” Harry tried to smile as he patted the spot on the bed next to him. Louis gave him a warm smile, and he moved across the wooden floor to sit down on the bed next to Harry, before he slowly lifted his legs and sat up straight, leaning his back against the wall like Harry. 

“Did you have a nice day?” Louis eyes rested on Harry’s protruding belly before they found his face. Harry was looking at Louis. The bags under his eyes looked healthier, and the stubbles didn’t make him look as worn-out as they had the night before. 

Harry nodded and asked, “what have you been doing all day?” 

“I’ve been working. Had some emails and stuff to take care of… Creeping around the rest of the day.” The beautiful lips parted in a smile, gently laughing at his own joke. It made harry smile. He had kissed those lips so many times. “Liam’s taking care of the rest for now.” 

“Liam? Your friend?” Louis nodded, and ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, Liam is my boss. His dad founded the company I’m working for, and when he died Liam took over.” Harry understood. He remembered visiting Liam and his impressive apartment. He’d been so kind to Harry. 

“Does the baby kick yet?” Louis asked and looked at Harry’s hand. He hadn’t noticed that it was resting on top of the belly. “Not yet. He moves a little sometimes. I can feel that. It feels like little tickles on the inside of my skin.” Harry smiled by the mentioning of the baby inside him. Louis cared about it, he could tell by the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes when he looked where it was growing inside Harry. 

“It’s a boy?” Harry shrugged and looked at the white ceiling for a moment. “I don’t know. I just imagine that it is.” He looked back at Louis, and continued, “I want it to be a surprise. It doesn’t matter to me whether it’s a boy or a girl… It’ll be an amazing human being anyhow.” 

A fragile smile appeared on Louis’ face when his hand found its way to Harry’s cheek. Only the tip of his fingers slightly touched the soft skin there, before he moved the hand away, and said, “I’m sorry about everything, Harry.” 

When Harry didn’t answer, but only looked at him, he continued, “I know that I’ve been a jerk. You have to know that I never meant for it to turn out the way it did. I wanted to tell you, but in the beginning, it seemed… Unimportant, I wasn’t planning on falling for you. Then I did, and suddenly it was too late. I didn’t want to mess things up between us and risking not have you around. I didn’t want to hurt you.” 

Louis let out a deep sigh before continuing. “I did anyway, didn’t I? I never wanted to make you feel worse about yourself and what you did for a living, than you already did, but I was scared that day I drove you home from the hotel, and he’d hit you. Scared that we didn’t want the same things. I thought you were too soaked up in that way of living. I know now, that I should’ve talked to you about it. Of course, I should’ve, but I didn’t want to mention it… It seemed less real if I didn’t.” 

Harry knew exactly what Louis meant. He had the same way of dealing with difficult things. Ignoring them seemed to calm the storm down, but it never put an end to it. He held his breath as he watched Louis’ hands move restlessly in the man’s lap. 

“Why did you have to push me away? And that night when I told you I was pregnant?” 

The expression on Louis’ calm face was hopeless. He shrugged. “I messed up. I don’t know. When you stood there in the parking lot… All I could think about was how much I missed you, but Liam and I had just had a row, and Eleanor was there waiting in the car. I don’t have a proper explanation to my behaviour that night, Harry. I’m sorry. I was being an idiot.” 

They sat in silence for a while. All Harry could hear was his own breath and heartbeat. 

“I still don’t understand. You said you’d fallen for me. Why wouldn’t you let me in? Why did you push me away, Louis?” Louis looked at him with sadness in his eyes. Harry could look into those blue eyes for the rest of his life, and never get tired of the million different expressions they were hiding and sometimes showing off. 

“I didn’t want to hurt you, but I was also scared of being hurt myself. I thought I’d move on if I let you go and pushed you away. I thought I could just go back to my unhappy marriage and live a peaceful, comfortable life like the one I used to live. A neutral life without emotions. I felt… Feel, something towards you. Something strong.”

Harry nodded, though he wasn’t sure he’d understood. 

“I understand if you can’t forgive me or let me in, but I’m here now. I’m here for you and our baby, and I’m planning on being around for the both of you for the rest of my life. If you don’t want me around in a romantic way I respect that, but I’ll be a part of the baby’s life. I want to, and I hope you want me to as well.” 

Harry felt his head spinning. He was tired, and Louis had so many reasons for everything. He could explain like he’d said, but Harry had had enough. He wasn’t capable of making any decisions yet, but he knew that he wanted Louis to be a part of the baby’s life. He’d tell him some day. 

“I have to think about everything, but if you want, you should stay here for a while, if you can. Until I know what I want too.” Louis bit his lip, and hardly nodded his head. 

“What about your marriage?” Harry asked, and saw the doctor’s wide smile before his inner eye. 

“I’m divorcing her, or she’s divorcing me… We won’t be together much longer. She’s getting the paperwork done while I’m here, and she’s probably figuring out which things she’ll let me keep from our home.” 

Then Harry remembered that night at the bar when he and Niall had gone out to hear Louis and his band play. “Liam mentioned that you’ve done this kind of thing before.” 

A questioning expression appeared in the beautiful eyes this time, but the man answered anyway. “A few years ago, I had an affair with a colleague. It wasn’t special. Eleanor found out, but things worked out themselves when he moved to China for a job. She forgave me back then… I’m not an unfaithful person, Harry. I haven’t been in love with her for many years. We married young. It was stupid and reckless. I learned my lesson and paid the price… Please, believe me.“ 

Louis’ eyes looked straight into Harry’s soul, and he believed him. He wished that it wasn’t that easy for him to believe the beauty, that he wasn’t so naïve, but he had no choice when he was sitting so close to him. When he was giving the man’s child life. Harry had given Louis everything he had to offer, and now there was no turning back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about the "late" update. Like I've mentioned earlier, I'm in the middle of a busy periode and the next few updates will probably be late too. 
> 
> I hope you liked the chapter, and thanks to all of you who comments on my work and answer my questions. I really appreciate it. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!


	26. Take Me

A month had gone by quickly, and being five months pregnant Harry was sure he felt himself get bigger and bigger by the day. Soon he found himself on the couch in the doctor office looking at the doctor’s red beard. 

“Everything it’s perfectly fine, Styles. I still do recommend that you gain some weight, though. You’re too thin for my liking.” The middle-aged man wrinkled his eyebrows underneath the small, round glasses, and looked down at Harry’s numbers written on the paper in his hand. 

“What do you suggest he do? He really is eating quite a lot already.” Harry couldn’t help wrinkling his nose at Louis’ comment, though, he knew that the man was right. The blues eyes looked cheerfully at him, like they were making sure that Harry knew that they meant no harm. 

The doctor let a deep humming sound escape his throat and looked up at Louis. “Well, first of all, he needs to eat the right kind of food. You have to eat a lot of omega 3, protein, natural calories and fat.” The doctor looked at Harry. “You need to rest as well. No exhausting yourself and your body. I fear you’ll suffer from symphysis pubis dysfunction, if you don’t look out for yourself.” Then the doctor looked back at Louis like only he could understand the seriousness of the situation, and then added, “we don’t want that.” 

Louis nodded, and surprised Harry when the blue eyes left the doctors serious face and found Harry’s concerned one. His sweet lips turned into a small, comforting smile assuring Harry that he didn’t have to worry. Harry was hoping he was right. 

“Let’s see if we can catch the little one the screen, shall we?” 

Harry knew what that meant, and slowly lifted the blue sweater to expose his protruding stomach. He felt ashamed of the stretch marks and the white skin which hadn’t seen the sunlight longer than Harry would’ve liked to remember. Louis hadn’t seen his pregnant belly like that before, and when Harry dared to steal a glaze of the man’s beautiful face, his eyes were glued to the large bump. 

Harry held his breath, convulsively aware of the unwanted attention when the doctor let the cold gel touch his skin. 

“There’s the rascal.” The doctor smiled friendly, and pointed at the screen. Though, Harry had seen the baby several times on a screen like this one, he could never seem to comprehend what he was looking at. Staring at. He couldn’t comprehend that it was life, life inside him that he had made with a man like Louis. 

“This is the head. Arm, here... Other arm. Two legs, two feet.” The doctor kept pointing at the screen as he moved the stick around. “All healthy… Seems like the baby’s having quite an energetic day, huh, Styles?” 

Harry couldn’t help smiling. 

“You’ll feel the baby kick soon if you haven’t already.” 

For a moment, Harry had forgotten about Louis, but when the man’s hand suddenly grabbed his arm firmly, and he looked at him with tears in his eyes, Harry was reminded of his presence.   
The pregnant male felt unable to do anything other than stare into the watery blue eyes. None of them said a word, but Harry was certain that he felt something between them. Some unspoken connection between them. A connection only meant for the two of them. 

The doctor said something, but Harry didn’t hear what, he was too soaked up in holding onto Louis’ silent, “you’re amazing.” 

****  
“How’d it go? Has the child gotten any bigger?” Harry knew that Zayn thought it was silly that he didn’t want to know the gender of the baby before it was born, so he insisted calling it “the child”. It did make Harry feel somewhat uncomfortable and old, but he knew that the brown-eyed guy meant no harm. 

“Yes!” Louis exclaim rather ecstatically. “Show’em the pictures, Harry.” He said with a grin on his face, so large that Harry was afraid that the man’s jaw would break in two pieces soon. 

When Harry didn’t react, too soaked up in staring at Louis, the man made a sudden movement with his arm initiating Harry to hurry up. Niall was laughing across of the table, enjoying the show quite a lot. 

Harry found the small black-and-white-picture in his back pocket and gave it to Louis. 

“There you go, Mr. Energetic.” He said, and gave Louis a smile warmer than he had intended it to be. Louis nodded, and turned his back to Harry to show the picture to Gemma, who was standing next to him. 

“So, it went well?” Zayn asked, and moved closer to Harry. 

“It did.” Harry said, and forgot to breath for a moment. There was something about Zayn, something undefinable. He felt uneasy when the guy wanted to get close to him. 

“I was thinking…” Zayn’s voice was low, like he was about to tell Harry a precious secret. A secret none of the others could hear. 

“We could go shopping for maternity wear this afternoon if you’d like.” Zayn shrugged, and added, “I got nothing else to do, and it’d fun.” 

At first Harry didn’t answer, but felt a smile appear on his lips. 

“What?” The brown eyes looked searchingly at him. Harry couldn’t help being amused by Zayn’s way of asking and his secretive attitude. 

“Nothing, nothing.” Harry could almost feel the dimples in his cheeks. “It’s a kind offer. I’d love to, really need some proper clothes for this project.” He said, and looked down at his bump for a moment. 

“Wanna see the pictures, Zayn?” Louis asked, and left no time for an answer. Zayn and the others had seen all the other pictures, but Harry felt like he’d be stealing candy from a child if he told Louis. 

He hadn’t expected Louis to be that excited about the baby. The baby he didn’t acknowledge at first. Harry tried hard not to think about that, and when the memories came back at times like these, he pushed them away. He had to focus of the fact that Louis was there now, and seemed determined to be a part of the baby’s future life. Of Harry’s life. The curly-haired boy hadn’t figured out how to feel about that, but when he looked at Louis and his vivid body parts telling stories about a common doctor’s appointment, he felt lightness inside his body. The sort of lightness he hadn’t felt for many years. 

****  
“Zayne, I look ridiculous!” Harry throw up his arms in despair, staring at himself in the large mirror in the fitting room.

“You don’t look ridiculous. You look pregnant, and this is, as a matter of a fact, what you wear when you get yourself knocked up.” Zayne’s laugh was gentle, and Harry couldn’t help smiling. 

“I’d never wear anything like this if I wasn’t pregnant. It’s fucking hideous.” 

Harry generally felt bad about himself, and though, one would assume that he’d gotten used to it, he tried hard to fight the feelings of self-disgust and despair. He’d do anything to get over those feelings, or at least ignore them, but the bump between his hips and the stretchy jeans on top of it wasn’t helping. 

“At least try with a blouse on top of it. It’s really not bad, Styles. You look adorable.”

Harry looked at Zayn hopelessly, but nodded his head. He’d look ridiculous no matter what he did, maternity wear or not. 

****  
It was late, and the house was asleep when Harry was laying on his bed after a long day, not feeling well. Though, he had finished his first trimester a while ago, he still suffered from occasional nausea, and when he pushed himself to hard like he had when going shopping with Zayn, he could be sure that he’d get sick. 

He’d taken off his trousers and was now satisfied with the warmth of the duvet covering his legs. His pregnant belly was exposed to the fresh air in the room, as he was rubbing small circles on the bare skin, hoping the nausea would disappear soon. 

A gentle nod on the door caught Harry’s attention before the door was opened. Louis’ blue eyes found him immediately. They seemed worried. 

“Hi.” The man said, and stepped into Harry’s room closing the door after himself. “I had some work to finish, and ran into your sleepy sister on the way to the bathroom. She said you hadn’t felt well after dinner, so I just wanted to check up on you.” Louis paused. “I can see you’re not asleep.” 

Harry bit his lip as he watched Louis come closer. 

“No, can’t sleep. Gemma’s right, I don’t feel well.” Harry had forgotten to be embarrassed by his exposed belly, and now that Louis’ eyes were looking right at it, it seemed useless to cover it up. 

“Is it the baby?” The blue-eyed man asked, and stopped moving when he was standing right next to the bad by Harry’s legs. He kept standing. 

Harry nodded. “I feel nauseous. Nothing I can’t handle, it’s just a bother, you know.” He shrugged.

Though, Harry knew that Louis wasn’t glad that he was feeling unwell, the blue eyes seemed relieved by the fact that it was just common nausea.

“Can I get you anything? Do anything for you?” 

“Give birth to his child, instead of having me do it?” Harry chuckled at his own joke, and Louis lit up immediately. He let out a hearty laugh. 

“Naa… I think you’re doing a great job, Styles. Couldn’t do it better myself.” Louis said imitating the doctor making Harry laugh. Louis made him forget about the pain, and the everything else that could cast a shadow on his mind. 

“Won’t you have a seat?” Louis’ smile was warm as he sat down by Harry’s feet. 

“For how long are you going to stay? I mean, don’t you have to go back for your job… And other things?” Louis’ expression was thoughtful as he observed Harry’s questioning face. Harry felt certain that the man knew his face better than he did himself by now. 

“I’ll go back… Eventually. Right now, I think I’m more needed here… Am I not?” Louis voice was low and rough. Harry nodded, and kept the eye contact with him unable to comprehend the fact that this beautiful man, who was sitting on his bed, was more interested in him and the child inside of him, than anything else in his life.

“I like your hair like that. Makes your face stand out.” Harry wondered if Louis had never seen him wearing a bun before. “You have a beautiful face, Harry. I’ll never get tired of it.” 

Harry felt a surprisingly pleasant chill start in the tip of his toes and spread through his entire body till it reached the roots of his hair. 

Harry didn’t give much thought to what happened next, as he pushed the duvet aside and leaned forward onto his hands and knees, so that his face was only inches away from Louis’ with the hundreds of stubbles. He could feel Louis’ warm breath caress his lips, and before he got to react, the lovely man was pressing his soft lips against Harry’s own. 

Louis’ lips were insisting as they sucked on his bottom lip, pinching it gently. Harry felt himself lose his breath, and listened to himself let out silent, desperate groans into Louis’ mouth as he moved closer to the man, and position himself on top of his lap. 

After what felt like an eternity, Louis parted his lips properly, and let Harry’s tongue enter his mouth. Louis tasted the same way he always did, amazing. 

Their tongues were caressing each other playfully, when Harry noticed Louis’ hardening bulge underneath him. He carefully moved his hips the way he knew Louis liked it, letting the man know how much he wanted it. How desperate he was for him. Louis’ reply was obvious. An animalistic groan was being muted by Harry’s mouth, but he heard it. Louis wanted him too. 

Harry felt Louis warm hands cup his flushed cheeks, before the beauty gently pulled away from the kiss to rest his forehead against Harry’s sweaty one. 

“Need… To breath…” Louis smiled, and was, indeed, trying to catch his breath. Harry had forgotten about breathing for a while. It didn’t seem important to him any longer, not when he was with Louis. 

“… Missed this.” Harry heard himself whisper. Louis only nodded, agreeing. 

They sat like that for a while – Harry op top of Louis, Louis resting his forehead on Harry’s shoulder, embracing each other. They were completely still until Louis broke the silence, and looked at the curly-haired boy. 

“Harry?” 

“Yes?” 

“Can I… Will you let me touch your belly?”

In that moment, Harry’s heart sank to the bottom of his stomach. He reached for Louis’ hand and slowly guided it to where their unborn child was still being protected from the world behind it’s father’s skin. Gently he placed his own hand of top of Louis’ hesitating one. 

“We can feel him kick soon.” Was all Harry said. 

Louis sat completely still underneath him, staring at the protruding belly his hand was resting on top of. Harry wondered what the man was thinking, if he’d gone into shock, but then he felt the hand gently move underneath his own. A gesture Harry wanted to get used to. 

After a while Louis’ blue eyes found Harry’s face and met his green ones. The light, blue colour always managed to take Harry’s breath away, and he felt certain that he’d get lost in those eyes eventually, if he wasn’t already.

Slowly Louis reunited their lips, laying small, gentle kisses on top of Harry’s upper lip and then his lower lip, before their tongues once again were fighting a passionate battle. Harry felt Louis hand slide from the bump, over his hip to his ass, grabbing it tightly. A small whimper escaped Harry’s throat as Louis’ other hand found the other buttock. 

Wanting more Harry put weight onto his knees, and was now hovering over Louis’ crotch as he pressed himself even closer to the man’s firm body. Harry slid his hands into Louis’ hair devouring the beauty completely. 

“Get ‘em off…” Harry panted when he pulled away from Louis’ soft lips to catch his breath, and reached for the zipper in his jeans. 

A smirk spread on Louis’ face. 

“So greedy, lovely.” 

Harry knew he was staring when Louis’ unzipped his jeans and revealed the slightly tan skin underneath the fabric, inch for inch, the muscles and the hair. When his eyes found the obvious bulge in Louis’ boxers, he felt himself harden as a ticklish feeling ran down his spine. He wondered if this what being pregnant meant. Louis didn’t even have to touch him, and he was already leaking pre-cum.

“Come here.” Louis panted, as he reached out for Harry to guide him on top of himself, while he was slowly laying down. Harry was, once again, hovering over Louis as he leaned over to press their lips together. He felt Louis’ strong hands slide down his back on top of the thin t-shirt, the friction causing goose bumps, until his hands reached Harry’s buttocks again. The gesture made Harry feel certain that he got dizzy. 

“Need it, Lou.” Half of what Harry said disappeared into Louis’ mouth when he didn’t manage to, or wanted to, pull away from the making out. 

“Really…” He continued, then kissed Louis again. “Really… Need it.” 

Louis’ respond was immediate. 

Harry’s legs were spread on top of him, one on each side of the man, making his bum completely accessible from behind as he was leaning forward on top his arms, still enjoying Louis’ lips more than anything else. He let out a small whimper when Louis stopped the kissing to look at him. 

The beautiful man’s lips were swollen, his face was flushed and sweaty, and his eyes were dark. Harry knew the look in his eyes, he knew it very well. The look of Louis wanting him, and if only he knew how badly Harry wanted to give him everything. And more. 

“You’re so beautiful, Harry.” Louis said sliding a hand gently into Harry’s hair. Harry felt a warm rush run from his heart to his lips, and couldn’t help smiling at the compliment. He appreciated it. Appreciated Louis. 

The hand disappeared from his hair, and the next thing Harry felt was Louis hands grabbing his underwear to pull it down, but only enough to get his ass free from the fabric. Harry was ready to explode just like that. He knew Louis was teasing him, and it drove him mad. 

His breath hitched when Louis’ middle finger gently slid in between his buttocks finding his sensitive rim. The tip of his finger circled around the opening, slightly pressing against it, causing Harry to moan deeply into his lover’s mouth. 

“So responsive... So fucking hot.” 

Hearing those words only made Harry more desperate, grinding his ass back against Louis’ hand wanting him to take some proper action. Louis wasn’t one to let him down sexually, Harry knew that, so he felt Louis’ long finger put pressure onto his rim before it slid inside him slowly, so slowly Harry thought he was going to lose his mind. 

He felt some sort of relief when the finger was finally buried deep inside his warmth, nudging and searching for the sweet spot both he and Louis knew so well. When Louis found it a shock of pleasure spread through his body. 

“Oh, yes… Fuck, right there!” He panted.

Louis was smirking, clearly satisfied with himself, as he started making slow come-here-motions with his finger inside Harry’s tight warmth caressing his swollen prostate over and over. Leaving the younger boy completely boneless and panting on top of him. 

“You’re gonna cum like his, Harry… Untouched. Only my fingers making you feel good.” 

Harry let out a loud groan, squeezing the sheets even harder as Louis let a second finger slide inside him, joining the first one’s playful motions. 

When Louis slid in the third finger Harry was sure he’d lost his senses. He no longer cared how loud he was moaning into Louis’ neck. He was only able to focus on the exquisite pleasure the beautiful man was giving him, and the way his hole started squeezing around Louis’ long fingers. Harry could feel his orgasm building up in his abdomen, leaving him completely wrecked when it hit him making him cry out Louis’ name as his cum stained the front of his underwear. 

For a moment, Harry didn’t register anything. He was gone, lost to pleasure and exhaustion. It wasn’t until he noticed how Louis’ hands and arms were placed strangely on his body that he realised that the man was preventing him from crushing his pregnant stomach.

Quickly Harry breathed out and laid down on his back next to Louis. Still not able to comprehend what had happened. It wasn’t until Louis put his hand into Harry’s hair, and his face appeared in front of the younger boy’s eyes that Harry started coming back to reality. 

“That good, huh?” Louis smirked still having that dark expression in his eyes. Harry knew what that meant. He wasn’t done with him. 

Harry smiled and nodded still feeling out of breath. Louis’ smirk turned into a soft smile and the kisses on Harry’s lips were so sweet. 

“Let’s get you out of these.” Louis pulled away from Harry’s lips, and sat up to pull down Harry’s underwear. He wasn’t hard any longer, but as Louis sat there he could see the man’s beautiful, hard cock rest against the fabric of his boxers. 

Harry sat up slowly. It took more strength than he had to stay up, but he forgot about that as soon as Louis’s tongue was begging his mouth for entrance. Harry was sure that he’d never get tired of kissing Louis, making out with him. His soft lips were so familiar, and he knew the way his tongue would caress his own and his palate when being playful. 

They stopped to catch their breaths, and Harry caught his chance of finally getting Louis undressed properly as he reached for the man’s t-shirt and pulled it over his head. Louis’ seemed to be inspired by Harry’s actions, but when he reached for Harry’s t-shirt panic overtook the boy’s mind. Louis looked worriedly at him when he stopped his hands from grabbing the t-shirt.   
“What is it?” His voice was low, but gentle. 

Harry bit his lip, hard. “I…” He paused looking down at himself, looking everywhere but a Louis’ face. “I just look better with the t-shirt on, Louis…” Harry whispered. 

“Harry…” Louis gently made the boy look at him. The blue eyes were so caring that they made Harry wonder why he ever questioned their reliability. 

“You look so wonderful. So lovely. You’ve no idea what this does to me…” Louis said placing his hand on top of the bump. “… What it means to me. You’re so beautifully pregnant with my child. So full of my baby.” The way the beautiful man’s voice cracked at the last words made Harry understand that his pregnancy was a turn on for Louis, so he nodded and let his t-shirt leave his skin. 

“So beautiful.” Louis assured him looking at his body like he was mesmerised. 

“Be naked with me.” Harry said reaching for the waistband in Louis’ boxers.

He’d almost forgotten what the breath-taking man hovering over him looked like naked. What his soft, tan skin felt like under his fingers, what his hot breath felt like on his neck, and how strong his arms were when he slid his hands over them. 

“Let’s sit up... I’m afraid I’m gonna crush you.” Louis smiled. 

Again, Harry placed himself on top of Louis’ lap, almost sitting on top his erection, but left enough space between them to reach down to grab the beautiful man’s cock. 

Louis’ breath hitched as Harry’s thumb caressed the slit on top of the swollen head and then grabbed his full length to stroke it slowly, hoping to tease him like he’d teased Harry earlier. 

Louis’ breath turned heavy as he started laying kisses up and down Harry’s neck. Harry himself started hardening again feeling excited that he was able to make Louis feel so good. 

For a moment, Harry caught Louis’ glassy eyes. Green met blue, and Harry felt like Louis was looking right into his heart where it was most vulnerable. Where it was hurting. They sat still for a short moment, maybe it was just a matter of a few seconds. 

“Take me.” Harry breathed out, putting weight onto his knees to position himself over Louis’ manhood, holding it in his hand to guide it to his intimacy. 

Harry felt Louis slide inside him, inch by inch, as he stared into the blue eyes. They were darkened with lust, but familiar and kind. Harry would even let himself believe that they were loving. The man wasn’t a stranger to him anymore. He had been, even when they were free from conflicts and happy with each other, but not now. Not in that moment. 

Harry felt a fluttery warmth spread in his chest as he began moving his hips. Not much, but just enough to make himself let out a faint moan into Louis’ ear. The man’s arms were embracing him, holding him close, and almost giving an impression of never wanting to let go of him again. 

Harry quickly lost his patience and started speeding up his motions, fucking himself on Louis like there was no tomorrow, and how he wished there wasn’t. He wished it’d never come to an end, and that Louis would stay inside him forever. 

When Louis angled himself in the right way underneath him and started hitting his prostate spot on, Harry felt himself lose it. Louis was a panting mess underneath him, and just as the man grabbed his hips digging his fingers into his soft skin, Harry felt it. 

Louis took a moment to comprehend that Harry had even stopped moving. 

“Haz… What’s…? Why’d you… stop?” Louis was out of breath. 

“Lou… I can feel the baby. Kicking. It’s kicking…” Louis eyes widened. 

“The baby’s kicking…” Harry hardly believed himself, but when he put his hand on top of the bump he felt the tiny creature move underneath his fingers. A wide smile spread across his lips. The warm feeling in his chest made him laugh, he couldn’t help himself, and Louis looked like he didn’t believe a word he’d just said. 

“Feel it.” Harry said, gently guiding Louis’ hand to the spot where he’d just felt the tiny body part punch against his hand. They were still for a moment. Completely still, and Harry noticed how Louis kept his breath. 

“Oh…” Louis breathed out looking at Harry like it was a sick joke. 

“Harry, that’s…” Finally, the man’s face lit up and a lovely smile took over the doubtful look, which had just been there just a few seconds ago. 

“I know.” Harry whispered.

Louis was still hard inside him, and as Harry leaned in to kiss Louis, still resting his hand on top of Louis’ on his belly, the beautiful man’s cock caressed his swollen and sensitive bundle of nerves making the pregnant boy moan into his mouth. 

Maybe it was the way Harry moaned or the unexpected proof of life inside the curly haired boy that made Louis grab Harry by the hips and push him down onto the mattress, so he was laying down on his back with the man between his legs. Or maybe it was something else, but Harry didn’t complain when Louis hovered over his body, resting the weight of his body on his hands, as his thrusts got frantical and intense. 

Harry felt himself getting closer and desperate as Louis nipped on the skin right over his collarbone, then on his neck where his skin was sensible enough to leave a mark behind. Harry didn’t care. The only thing he could focus on was Louis’ big cock thrusting erratically into his, now, sore ass, and how his abdomen started to contract again. 

The familiar feeling of the unbearable pleasure, which Louis would give him when they were intimate, started clouding his mind. And when Louis’ breath was drowned out by a loud groan escaping his lips, as he thrusted harshly into Harry one last time before releasing his load deep inside of his pregnant lover, Harry grabbed his length, and gave it a few long strokes before he painted on his own and Louis’ stomachs with long stripes of cum, leaving both of them breathless. 

Harry felt Louis’ flushed, sweaty skin against his own. He felt the man’s chest rise and fall in unison with his own, as they both tried to catch their breaths, and still there wasn’t a single thought in his mind. All he could feel was emptiness when Louis’ gently pulled out of him and laid down next to him. A small amount of Louis’ big load of semen streamed out of his hole. 

They laid still next to each other for a while, until Louis spoke. 

“Harry?” 

“Yes?” 

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! 
> 
> I'm sorry about the very late update. Like I've mentioned earlier I've gotten quite busy recently and it doesn't seem to slow down anytime soon, so I hope you'll all be patient and still enjoy my work when I update. There might be some stupid mistakes here and there, but I'll get back to editing as soon as possible. 
> 
> As always feedback is appreciated. 
> 
> Thank you!


	27. Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!
> 
> I'm sorry about this late, late update. I've written a comment a few days ago on the previous chapter explaining why this fic hasn't been updated for so long, so please read that if you want to know. There's no reason for me to repeat myself and some of you might have read it already. 
> 
> I can't say when the next update will be, but I hope it'll be soon, and I hope that all of you will keep reading!
> 
> Enjoy.

Harry woke up with a smile on his lips and a soothing feeling in his body. The sun was shining through the curtains and lighting up the room, giving the curly haired boy the impression that it was no longer morning. 

Louis was still fast asleep behind him. The man’s warm breath was caressing Harry’s neck, and his chest was rising and falling in unison with Harry’s own. Their limbs were entangled from the night’s sleep which made Harry feel bad that he had to use the bathroom meaning that he'd probably wake Louis up in the process of getting there; but his toilet habits had become quite challenging with the pregnancy which reminded Harry of the kicks they’d felt last night. 

The smile was now stronger on Harry’s face as he moved, gently detangling himself from his lover’s body as he sat up. Louis was looking peaceful as he laid there with his messy hair and naked body. Harry couldn’t help but let his gaze move from the man’s face, down his lean arms to his smooth hips from which the arch of his bum was forming beautifully, and underneath the bum, his long legs. Harry felt proud that he was carrying this beautiful creature’s child and was able to make him feel the way he had last night. 

A warmth spread in his chest, a warmth Harry had never felt before, when he heard Louis’ words from the night before echoing in his mind. He could only hope that the man truly meant it, but Harry’s mood was bright and his mind positive that day, so he decided to believe that Louis loved him as well.

****

Harry held his breath when he entered the kitchen where he’d heard the others talk and laugh. He felt like a young teenager who’d just had his first kiss outside his parents’ kitchen window and was now nervous about their reactions. He felt strange when the others noticed his presence and wished him a good morning. 

“And good morning, little human being living inside my best friend’s belly.” Niall smiled as he reached out to touch the bump. 

“How are we this morning?” The blonde smiled directly at Harry’s face, who felt his shoulders lose many pounds of weight and his breath return. They hadn’t heard anything. He knew Niall wouldn’t be able to keep his cool if he had. 

“We are feeling very well, thanks for asking uncle Ni. And yourself?” 

Gemma placed a light morning kiss on his cheek, and smiled at him while Niall started babble on about last night and the awful night’s sleep he’d had without Gemma in his bed. His big sister only shook her head and smiled fondly while stirring in a pan. 

Zayn was sitting the corner of the kitchen on a chair watching them with a secretive smirk on his face which Harry failed to notice. 

“Morning.” Louis said as he entered the kitchen locking his eyes with Harry’s before sending him a small, knowing smile which made Harry’s body reacted to straight away. He had to stop himself from attacking the man with kisses. 

“Morning, morning, Louis.” Niall grinned. “Slept well, did we?” 

Louis looked from Niall to Harry obviously trying to figure out how much the blonde knew. Harry slightly shook his head only for Louis to notice, and he felt like he’d succeeded when the man’s expression loosened up. 

“Oh, yeah… I did, thanks.”

“Breakfast’s ready boys.” Gemma announced putting the pan on the table. 

“I was just telling Harry here how I didn’t sleep well because Gemma wasn’t with me… But you know, now that I think about it, it was probably a good thing that she didn’t hear her little brother moan like that from all the dirty things you must have done to him last night!” 

Harry felt his heart drop to his knees in embarrassment and his whole face heat up as he looked from Niall’s giant, cheesy grin to Louis’ wide eyes. 

“You should see yourselves!” Zayn laughed as he put a comforting hand on Louis’ shoulder as he added, “nothing to be embarrassed about, Harold. I’m sure the whole street won’t mind hearing you scream out your orgasms another time!” 

“Oh yeah… You must have so tips and tricks to pass on to the rest of us, Louis, because… God, damn!” Niall’s laugh mixed with Zayn’s as Gemma came to her brother’s rescue. 

“You guys! I told you to be nice to them. It wasn’t that bad!” Gemma send Harry a comforting smile before giving her attention to Louis. “Don’t mind them. They’re just being silly. They can’t help it.” She shrugged and reached for her boyfriend’s plate. 

Harry couldn’t tell what Louis thought of the whole situation. He didn’t seem to react to it which made Harry wonder whether it had scared him off just wanting it to be their private business, or if he’d regretted doing it. Harry could feel himself bite his bottom lip as he held his breath watching Louis’ passive face. 

“I’ll tell you a secret, guys.” Louis’ then said suddenly very aware of the whole situation, and Harry took a deep breath. Both Niall and Zayn looked up from their plates offering their attentions to the smirking man. 

“You see, you can narrow it down to four letters, actually.” Louis secretively nodded his head leaning over the table towards the two others who seemed to be keen on hearing this sacred information. 

“It’s called PLLB. P for passionate, LL for long lasting and B for big. When I hear your partners scream out your names one day, I’ll know you guys got it right.” 

Louis winked at the boys before sitting back up straight with a satisfied smirk on his face. Gemma was now laughing at Niall’s and Zayn’s long faces, and even Harry himself couldn’t help letting out a snort feeling content when he felt Louis’ warm hand resting on his thigh. The beautiful lips formed a loving smile along with the blue eyes as Harry took his first bite of his breakfast. 

****

“You seem very happy today, curly.” Nick was suddenly behind him moving some of Harry’s curly hair behind his ear. “If I didn’t know better I would’ve thought that you’d been fucked mindlessly all night long. You do look a bit tired.” 

The breath of his laugh was sending shivers down Harry’s spine as he felt himself tense. He forced a laugh out and a respond to Nick’s quite accurate observations. 

“Just tired from a bad night’s sleep, but uhm, Gemma made a really nice breakfast, so you know, Mr Preggo is all happy now.”

Harry turned around to face the strong jawline which he would’ve found attractive on any other man. He noticed the forced smile on his own lips as Nick moved even closer to him. 

“Oh, I know, silly. We’re still dating, aren’t we?” There was a long pause in which Nick was staring into Harry’s eyes like he knew all his secrets, but then he continued, “which reminds me. How about that second date, huh? That hasn’t happened yet, but I’m not letting it go. What are you doing this weekend?” 

“I- I don’t have any plans, I think. You know, the others might have planned something… So, it’s-“ Harry was cut off by Nick’s lips which were suddenly exploring his own leaving Harry surprised by the action. He tried hard not to freeze like a scared rabbit, and he tried hard to kiss back like he meant it. 

He knew he should tell Nick the truth, but the man never listened to a word he said and if things didn’t work out with Louis he’d have a back-up plan. Nick wasn’t insensitive towards him, and he had money, money to help him care for his child. 

“Saturday it is, curly.” Nick smirked still dangerously close to his lips. 

****  
“Hey.” Harry almost whispered as he closed the door to Louis’ room behind him. The blue-eyed man was sitting in front of his laptop working, Harry assumed. Louis’ face lit up when he looked up from the screen and saw the curly haired boy. 

“Hey.” Louis voice was as warm as his smile. “How was work? Did you have a nice day?” He asked. 

“Difficult to have a bad day after last night.” Harry said feeling his cheeks heat up as he walked closer to Louis who moved around on his chair so he was facing his lover. 

“That’s true.” Louis agreed and opened his arms, “come here.” 

Harry gently placed himself between Louis’ arms still standing up letting the father-to-be caress his pregnant belly. 

“I’ve missed you… Both of you.” 

The kisses Louis laid on top of Harry’s t-shirt were gentle and sweet, just like his eyes when he looked up at Harry. Harry couldn’t resist the urge to put his hand in Louis soft hair and smile back. 

“We’ve missed you too.” He whispered before motioning to Louis that he wanted him to make room for him on his lap. Louis did so straight away, and Harry tried to ignore the negative thoughts about his weight on Louis’ thighs. That wasn’t difficult when he felt Louis’ familiar lips caress his own, playing with them. Unlike the kiss, Harry had received earlier that day this woke up the butterflies in his stomach and turned on the heat in his heart and the rest of his body. 

Harry wasn’t sure whether it was the fact that Louis was finally back, his pregnant hormones or something else, but he hadn’t been able to think about much else all day than the night he’d just spent with Louis and how he wanted to do it all over. Just the thought of it made the blood rush to his crotch and the way Louis was touching his back and his ass didn’t make it easy for him to ignore the lust. 

Louis lips were exploring his neck when Harry decided to do something about it and reached for the zipper in his lover’s jeans. Louis looked at him with questioning expression which quickly turned into a knowing smirk. 

“Just need it.” Harry breathed out as he got up to allow Louis to pull down his jeans. 

“Just need it, huh?” Louis smirked as he bent down to get the job done. 

“Quick and dirty.” Harry said busy getting rid of this own trousers and underwear as he heard Louis let out a short, but hearty laugh. 

“I’ll show you quick and dirty.” Louis’ smile was wide before he caught Harry’s lips in a rough kiss letting the younger boy know who was the in charge. Harry was surprised by how hot Louis’ dominance was and felt himself lose control when a soft moan escaped his lips making Louis smile on his lips. 

Suddenly Louis’ hands were on his hips holding them tightly as he made Harry turn around so the boy could feel he’s erection against his buttocks. Again, Harry couldn’t help but moan and when Louis’ hoarse voice told him to bend over the table he felt himself harden from anticipation. 

Harry did what Louis’ wanted him to do and felt his own breath hitch when something wet and soft was pressing against his rim. He could identify Louis hands on each of his buttocks holding them apart, and he was over the moon when he turned around to see what the beautiful man was doing. Louis’ tongue licked over his sensitive rim a few times before pressing against it. Harry had never felt anything like it. His heart was pounding heard in his chest as he let out another moan not being able to stop himself this time because of the pleasure Louis was giving him. He knew of no pleasure he could compare this strange sensation to. 

He couldn’t help but turn his upper body and grab Louis’ wild hair tightly as he kept moaning to show his lover how good it felt and badly he wanted it. He felt Louis get more eager by the respond so the man started pressing his tongue further inside before letting it slide back to the tip of his rim. 

Much to Harry’s frustration he didn’t get to enjoy Louis’ tongue for long before the man was back on his legs. Harry knew he wanted to take him from behind. He’d been fucked in that position countless times, but he’d never enjoyed it. It was too hard and too cold that way, and it had made him feel like a punching bag - quite literally. 

Harry felt his lust decrease by the bad memories and sadness take over his mind, but in that moment, he felt Louis grab his hips and place his soft lips just under his neck before he started laying kisses all the way down his spine while caressing his baby bump, and just like that Harry wanted it like nothing else. Louis seemed to understand his impatient whimpers and the way he pushed his back against him, and Harry sensed him stand up in all his pride before he felt the familiar pressure of Louis’ manhood against his rim. 

Harry took a deep breath as he felt Louis slide inside him gently, but firmly. His movements were slow but deep when he started moving after getting Harry’s approval, and soon Harry felt himself leak pre-cum on the table and moan louder than he should. Louis’ thrusts started getting arrhythmical and frantic as he slammed into Harry’s sweet spot with each thrust.  
Harry felt himself fall apart as his toes curled and his hands squeezed the sides of the table when he reached the point he’d been waiting for all day. He came with a loud cry, happy that they were home alone. Louis followed shortly after and filled him up with his warm load as he collapsed from pleasure and exhaustion on top of Harry’s back. 

After a while Harry felt Louis move. “God, Harry…” He breathed out as he pulled out and moved away from the curly haired boy to sit back down on the chair, obviously still too exhausted to stand by himself. 

Harry felt proud when he watched the beautiful man with flushed cheeks and wild hair. He was happy to have Louis back in his life, but less happy when he felt his cum run down his thighs. 

“Got a handkerchief or something?” 

Louis let out a giggle and watched Harry closely as he whipped the cum off. Harry could feel the gaze burn on his skin and wondered what Louis was thinking, but didn’t bother to ask him. It was none of his business. He threw away the paper and moved closer to Louis to sit back down on his lap. 

“So, what now?” Harry asked when he was seated ruining both of his hands through the short brown hair. 

“What now?” 

“With us. What’s going to happen?” 

“What do you want to happen?” The blue eyes were serious when they looked at Harry’s green ones. Harry felt himself swallow not wanting to say what was so difficult to get across his lips. 

After a while of silence Louis was the one to break it, “I want to make it work between us. For our sake and the little one’s. I really felt something last night and now, something more… You know.” 

Louis then subsided and looked down at bump between their bodies. 

“Like a couple? Boyfriends?” Harry whispered having to bite his own tongue after saying the words out loud. 

“Do you want that?” Louis questioned looking back into his green eyes. Harry couldn’t find the words, but nodded his head. 

“Do you love me?” Louise asked bluntly biting his bottom lip. “I need to know.” 

His eyes were almost pleading for a straight-forward reaction. For an honest answer, and Harry wanted to give it to him. He wanted to tell the man exactly how he felt, but it was almost impossible for him. His throat started tightening when he wanted to form the words, and a cold chill ran down his spine. The lump in his throat didn’t make it easier, but in that second he felt his baby kick, and he knew he had to pull himself together. 

He had to do this for the baby, for Louis. For himself. 

“I do. I love you.” 

Just like that Harry saw a million thoughts and emotions pass through the blue eyes. He saw them brighten up and he felt happy, completely happy. The feeling only grew stronger when Louis’ lips were on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> Kudos and especially comments really motivate and inspire me so please, don't hold back if you got something constructive to say about this chapter or the fic in general. I really appreciate it when you guys let me know what you think. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter.


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